Page 10 of A Steadfast Heart (Wind River Mail-Order Brides #2)

I t wasn’t his day.

Drew glared at his horseshoe, which lay a good eight inches away from the stake. Most of his neighbors had stayed for the potluck after church. They’d moved it outside to enjoy the unseasonably warm April weather. The youngest kids were playing an energetic game of tag, and the women cleared the thrown-together tables. Before he left, he’d have to help take the sawhorse-and-board contraptions down and store them away for the next gathering.

His cousin Merritt’s new husband, Jack Easton, stepped up to the line to take his turn. “You’d score higher if you’d watch the stake instead of your bride.”

Drew glared at him.

Jack smiled back. “That glower doesn’t work anymore. Not since last Christmas, when I saw you braiding ribbons into Tillie’s hair.”

Drew scrubbed a hand across his face. “Trying to, you mean.” It was a mostly good memory. Jack had relaxed with the McGraws after that. Seemed a man’s scowl lost its power once its recipient saw you defeated by a hair bow.

Drew tossed his last shoe, and it didn’t land any closer than the one before. He wished he could claim that Kaitlyn had nothing to do with his distraction. He certainly had other things on his mind. None of the ranchers at the after-church picnic had shown any interest in buying his bull. Jo sat off to the side of the group, sulking. Nick and Ed seemed to be enjoying organizing the boys into a baseball game, but Isaac still refused to come to town. Yep, he had enough problems to justify an off day in the horseshoe pit without looking to his bride.

And yet, he always seemed to know where she was as she flitted from one group to the next. Right now she was talking to a group of ladies across the churchyard from the horseshoe pit. Discouragement poured acid into his gut. He should be happy that she was enjoying the day, but all he could do was wonder how it compared to the lavish entertainments of her past life.

Easton threw his last shoe, and they walked to the stake to score the tosses. Sure enough, Drew hadn’t scored a point.

Easton clapped him on the back. “Yep, a newlywed like yourself doesn’t stand a chance against an old married man like me.”

Drew shook the man’s hand. “I guess that extra month of matrimony made all the difference. Not like I’ve seen you watching Merritt out of the corner of your eye.”

Easton flushed, and Drew took the opportunity to leave the horseshoe pit while he could still claim the last word.

His neighbor, Sam Barclay, stepped up next to him, giving him a friendly nudge with his shoulder. “Haven’t seen you miss that badly in a while. If that’s what a wife does to your concentration, maybe I’m glad the Lord hasn’t seen fit to bless me that way.”

“Everyone has an off day now and then.” Drew purposely didn’t look toward the ladies gathered across the way. Not that he needed to. The image of Kaitlyn in her reworked green calico remained burned into his mind. That dress had never looked so good on Amanda. Kaitlyn stood tall and proud in the hand-me-down, but Amanda had always seemed ashamed to be seen in lowly calico.

His new wife continued to amaze him. Who would have thought a city girl would jump right in to help when Tillie and the dog got sprayed by a skunk? Or that she would know how to salt down beef?

Or that she’d go to all the extra work to get all three kids on horses and bring family lunch out to him on a day when he wouldn’t be home until late? Kaitlyn and the kids had spent the afternoon with him, “learning real life,” as Kaitlyn had put it. David and Jo had been a real help. Kaitlyn and Tillie, not so much. His lips twitched at the memory of a cow escaping Kaitlyn’s attempt at herding. She’d been so outraged as she watched it run off, and even more so when Jo successfully brought it back to the herd.

No, Kaitlyn wasn’t much like Amanda. But the way she flitted around this picnic talking to everyone present did seem to show that she craved more contact with people than the ranch allowed. Than his lifestyle provided. Her lifestyle now, since she’d married him.

“You having that problem, Drew?”

Drew pulled his attention from his wife. Just when had his gaze found her again? “Sorry, Sam, I missed that.”

“You haven’t missed much about your wife’s location.” Sam flashed a grin at him, then his expression turned serious. “I was wondering how your grazing’s holding up. Yours should be better than most, with the river access you have.”

Drew’s cheeks warmed, and he turned to fully face his friend. Maybe that would focus his attention where it should be, helping to find solutions to the problems he and his neighbors were facing. “We’re doing okay so far. Are a lot of folks having that problem?”

Sam nodded. “I think it contributed to the Robbins family pulling out.”

Drew scrubbed a hand over his face. If he’d known, he could have offered them time on his land.

“Drew, there you are.” Tom Fisher, a local carpenter, stopped next to them. “Kaitlyn said that you had an extra side of beef and you might take some shingles in exchange.”

Kaitlyn? How’d she get on a first name basis with Fisher, who’d more than earned his reputation as a curmudgeon?

The man ran his hand along his grizzled cheek. “The shingles are mostly leftovers from bigger projects, so you might have to piece ’em together some, but I reckon they’d keep the rain out till you could do better.”

Drew’s shoulders lightened, as if a load there had been lifted. Every time he turned around, Kaitlyn found a way to help, easing the burden he carried in ways he’d never expected. “How many you willing to part with?”

“Enough to roof a cabin, I’d think, iffen it weren’t too big.”

“Sounds like a fair trade.” Drew extended his hand, and the older man shook it, then wandered closer to the horseshoe pit.

Drew turned back to his friend. “Maybe you could drive your herd out my way if your grazing is bad.”

“Grazing isn’t the worst we’re facing. Have you tried to get a loan at the bank this year? They turned me down flat, and I’ve always paid off anything I borrowed ahead of time.”

“I haven’t asked for one. Only collateral I’ve got is the original homestead, and I don’t want to put it up.” He’d considered it though. Ran the numbers and had just about decided he had to do it. Now it looked like it wouldn’t be an option.

Sam looked around, then lowered his voice. “You know the new bank president and Quade are thick as thieves. And Quade’s out buying up land people can’t prove up. Well, he ain’t getting mine. No siree. I’ve got a year to go on my agreement, and I’m gonna keep it, loan or no loan.”

Drew’s lunch solidified into a lump in the pit of his stomach. He only had a month to prove up Ed’s homestead. How was he going to get that lumber?

A commotion drew his attention back to the ladies. David and a few of his friends skidded to a stop in front of Kaitlyn. She cocked her head, listening to the boys, then nodded an answer. They dashed back to their abandoned baseballs and gloves.

She watched them run back to the field, her smile gentle. Then she looked his way, as if she could feel the weight of his gaze. He could no more keep himself from smiling back at her than he could hit a ringer in the horseshoe pit today, and for the same reason. His mind was on her, not the task at hand.

Just like he found himself making mental notes of things to tell her about when they had coffee in the evenings after the kids went to bed. Or looking forward to hearing her lesson plans. Or sharing a look when Tillie did something adorable.

He shook his head to clear it of memories. They had a business deal, not a marriage. That was the way it had to stay.

Even if her presence eased the burdens he carried.

One of the ladies standing near Kaitlyn, Mindy Cummins, waved briefly to her and made her way to the men. She and her husband lived on one of the ranches farthest from town and probably needed to leave early.

She paused next to Drew, her hand shading her eyes as she tried to find her husband.

Drew gestured toward the ball game. “I think he went to check on the boys, find out what sent them racing through the picnic area. Hope there wasn’t trouble.”

“Not a bit of it. David wanted Kaitlyn to back up his story about breaking a colt. Some of his friends thought he might be exaggerating.”

“And was he?”

“Nope. Evidently, Kaitlyn told the story almost exactly the way David did. Now I’m gonna have a boy sulking around the ranch ’cause his friend got to break a horse first.”

Drew’s lips twitched. “I’ve been there. Sulky boys can be a handful.”

“I’ll manage him, or his father will. Just like you do with David. After the boys ran off, Kaitlyn mentioned you let David continue the ride after Phantom bucked. Said she thought that was one of the bravest things she’d ever seen, knowing how much you wanted to yank him out of harm’s way.”

Kaitlyn thought he was brave? He could almost feel his chest puff up at the thought, but he couldn’t very well say that. “Wouldn’t have done boy or horse any good for me to take over.”

“You don’t fool me, Drew McGraw. Nor Kaitlyn either. Letting them grow up is hard.”

He nodded. It certainly was. He’d put pillows around the kids all their lives if he could.

“Kaitlyn mentioned she might have a bit of a dowry coming. I’m glad to hear it. Hope it helps you get those cabins up.” She waved across the field. “Oh, there’s my husband. I’d better head that way, or we’ll keep missing each other.”

Drew nodded, but unease lifted the hairs along his arms and on the back of his neck. Sure, they’d managed to get proof of their marriage mailed off without a hitch, but he’d rather no one knew that piece of their personal business. Or her business, anyway.

Nothing in their deal mentioned her money, so it would stay exactly that.

Hers.

* * *

Kaitlyn was starting to love this little girl.

She reached across the bed and brushed Tillie’s hair from her forehead, then leaned back in her chair. Too much sun and play at the picnic had sent the little girl to bed early. Had it caused the nightmare too? Kaitlyn tucked the blanket around her. Here it was, late April, and the nights were still cold. She wiped a tear from Tillie’s cheek, her chest tightening at the evidence of Tillie’s fear. It had only been a nightmare, but Kaitlyn hated anything that caused her charge pain.

Jo lay in the bed beside Tillie, her eyes scrunched closed, pretending to sleep. Jo had spent most of the day pretending she didn’t care that the girls at church ignored her. Kaitlyn smothered a sigh. She had stayed up late last night to finish a dress for Jo, but the girl had refused to wear it and paid the price. Was it the dress itself, or the fact that Kaitlyn had made it?

Kaitlyn shook her head. It didn’t really matter. Drew had already purchased the fabric, and there was no money to spare on stubbornness.

A tear seeped out from Jo’s tightly closed eyes, and Kaitlyn’s heart clenched. She’d known that Jo’s temper was fueled by pain, but here was direct evidence.

There had to be something she could do about it. If only she knew what.

She left the room and stretched her arms over her head, trying to relieve the ache in her shoulders. It had been a long day, and she’d dearly love to be stretching her legs and back, but that would have to wait for the privacy of her own room. She had to finish putting away the dishes first. No point in making tomorrow’s breakfast harder on herself.

She entered the kitchen, then stopped. Drew stood beside the stove, studying something on the preparation table. The lamplight glinted from his dark hair, and his shoulders stretched the fabric of his dress shirt. She took another step into the room, and he looked up. “What’s this?” He tapped the paper she’d left there, his head tilted uncertainly.

Her cheeks warmed, and her gaze dropped. She could hardly even look at him since he’d seen her breakdown last week. He had to think she was the most lily-livered person he’d ever met.

And now he’d found that paper. Would he think she was pushing in where she didn’t belong? She only wanted to help.

Except he’d thanked her for arranging the trade for the shingles.

He tapped the paper again. Not agitated. Just reminding her of his question.

“It’s a list.” She moved a little closer, stepping into the pool of light from the lamp.

“I can see that. What’s it for?”

His voice seemed steady, not accusing, but her cheeks got hotter. She was blushing for sure. No help for it though. “I know you need to sell the bull. Nick helped me make a list of women to talk to. Either wives that help on their ranches or townsfolk who might catch the latest gossip.” She caught her lower lip between her teeth, then forced herself to release it. She hadn’t done anything to be ashamed of.

Drew’s eyebrows rose. “That’s why you were chatting with everyone at the picnic?”

She reached for the basket holding their plates from the picnic and brushed against his arm. Her skin prickled at the touch. She ignored the reaction and pulled out a stack of plates. Thankfully, they’d been able to wash everything before they’d left the church. “Is it so surprising that I’d want to help you?”

“Yes.” He ran his hand through his hair.

“Ed and Nick help you. Why wouldn’t I?”

Drew grabbed the basket of dishes and the lamp and silently moved next to her. He put the light on the counter under the cabinet, then held the basket of dishes next to it, saving her multiple trips across the kitchen. How like him. He’d go miles out of his way to help those he cared about, but getting him to say more than two words? Not easy.

Unlike her own father, who’d had all the right words but never protected her from Michael.

She took more dishes from the basket, then stretched up to place them in the cabinet. “What did you think I was doing today?”

He dropped his gaze. “Nothing.”

Kaitlyn smothered a smile. The man really couldn’t lie. Not a bad trait in a husband. “Then why do you look like David when I caught him stealing cookies before dinner?” She placed the last of the dishes gently in their spot.

He shrugged.

Maybe if she didn’t watch him? She grabbed a dishrag to wipe the counter that didn’t need wiping.

“I was just thinking that you must have had a lot of friends back in St. Louis.” He placed the basket back on the preparation table, avoiding her gaze. “I know it can get lonely out here. I’ll just, um, get some wood for tomorrow.” He stepped into the lean-to.

Kaitlyn ran the damp rag across the smooth counter. She was still missing something. Drew came back in, arms loaded with wood. Goodness, his shoulders nearly filled the doorway.

She plied her dishrag on the already clean table, much as she would have liked to look into his eyes. “Turns out I didn’t have many friends in St. Louis. Not ones strong enough to ignore my brother’s lies. I’d like to make stronger friendships in this community.” She glanced up and took in his still-tense jaw. “There’s something more to this, isn’t there?”

“Amanda hated it here.”

“I know.” She pulled out a chair, its legs rumbling over the wooden floor. She sat down. Now if only Drew would join her. “Can you explain how Amanda comes into this?”

Drew sank into a chair across from her and eyed the table as if it held the answers to all his questions. The silence lengthened, but Kaitlyn didn’t interrupt it. He seemed the type who needed to gather his thoughts before he shared them. And he’d seldom talked about his first wife.

Finally, he looked up, met her eyes. “Nothing on the ranch was good enough for Amanda. Not the food, not the clothes, not the…company.”

Kaitlyn squeezed her hands together, forcing herself to remain silent. How could that stupid woman not have valued a man who put her needs first, gave her the best of what he had? How could she have treated a good man so badly that he questioned his own worth?

“It’s lonely for a woman out here.” Drew gave her a half smile. “I get that.”

“And you thought I was desperate for friendships off the ranch.”

He nodded. “Amanda was desperate enough to run off with a man that didn’t have a penny to his name, just because he was willing to live with her in the city. Just to get away from me. The mistake she made by marrying me.”

Kaitlyn folded her hands in front of her. “I’m not Amanda,” she said quietly.

“I know that.”

A long look passed between them, and the silence lengthened.

“Did you like it back east?” she asked finally.

She thought he’d ignore the question, but he finally said, “I understood its appeal, the convenience of shops nearby, friends nearby, but it wasn’t home. I belong out here, where there’s freedom to move and breathe.”

“I can’t see you being happy there.” She paused, trying to find words for the differences she felt more than saw. “I don’t miss my so-called friends who judged my family based on whether we wore the latest fashion and missed the fact that my father and brother never took care of me. You always put your children first.”

“Life’s hard out here though. Especially for a woman. Even my mother.”

“I thought she loved it here.”

“She loved my pa.” His eyes went a bit unfocused, or maybe focused on the past. “She used to ride out on the range with him sometimes, and boy could she ride. Put us all to shame.”

Kaitlyn’s brow furrowed. “I can’t imagine anyone riding better than you.”

“She could.”

His jaw clenched and his hands tightened into fists, his forearms corded below his turned-up sleeves.

Kaitlyn’s heart turned over. She reached across the table and laid a hand on his sleeve.

His forearm relaxed under her touch. “I was back east when it happened.”

She nodded and let her hand move over his sleeve, the fabric rough beneath her fingers.

“Pa got thrown from a horse and landed wrong.” He shuddered. “His leg never healed right. They didn’t tell me for a long time, but finally Ma sent me a telegram asking me to come back to the ranch. I didn’t make it in time to say goodbye.”

Kaitlyn’s eyes grew moist, but she rapidly blinked back the tears. The last thing Drew needed was her crying all over him again. She tightened her grip on his forearm. At least he could know she heard him.

“When I got home, I didn’t even recognize Ma. I never saw her go to the stables, much less ride across the homestead. Her smiles were gone. She didn’t say much, didn’t eat much…” He swallowed, his throat working against the emotion flooding him. “She just gave up. Much as I tried, I couldn’t make her happy. She should have survived that cold, but it went to pneumonia, and she gave up.”

Kaitlyn’s heart twisted in her chest. His pain was a living thing, crowding them together. He was shouldering a burden he was never intended to carry, but he couldn’t see it. “Drew, who decided that it was your job to make everyone happy?”

He stared at her. Had he really never thought of it that way? No wonder he tried to do anything to make everyone else’s life easier.

He ran his hand through his hair, and his eyebrows pulled together. Finally, he collapsed against the back of his chair. “I don’t know. It’s just always been that way.”

She tightened her grip on his arm and drew his eyes back to hers. He had to hear her. “Drew, who is supposed to make you happy?”