Page 62 of A Promise of Lies (Shadows of the Tenebris Court #3)

61

Kat

T he instant I let go, everything became easier. That burning tear at my soul stopped. Instead I flowed down a narrow path that converged and grew wider, like a stream winding ever downwards, gravity its friend.

Then I passed into something darker—not an unwelcome darkness, but an enclosing, safe one. Damp and rich. I didn’t even feel that seizing terror that my uncle was burying me again.

This was right.

“ That’s it ,” the voices whispered, like leaves in a breeze. “ You are with us .”

Like a comforting embrace, the tunnels around me tightened as other pathways branched off.

No, not pathways, I realised. Roots .

Those voices. They were the trees. I’d started in their branches, travelled down their thick trunks, and now I quested deeper, under the earth.

“ To the Underworld .”

I seeped into the soil.

I was nothing.

It was free. Easy. No thought. No action. Just being.

Then, a great breath tore through me. I lay on cold, damp soil, a grey sky soared overhead, marked by a black sun.

Ghostly white flowers surrounded me, their skull-like heads nodding in an almost imperceptible breeze. Their straight, green-black leaves whispered wordlessly, as magic stirred, restless and strong.

I sat up, checking myself. No blood. No injuries. I felt physical, normal, not a spirit or ghost. Though my necklace was gone, the ring Bastian had given me remained on my finger. I twisted it, heart sore.

A short distance away, a sleek black plinth rose from the flowers, and beyond that a tangled forest blotted out all else, thorny and impenetrable.

But I held my breath and rose, because I was sure that plinth held what I sought.

A circlet of charcoal and ash sat upon its shiny surface.

“The Crown of Ashes,” I whispered, a little afraid I might blow it away. But even the breeze that stirred the tangled branches and bone white flowers didn’t disturb so much as a speck of ash on the plinth.

Frowning, I circled it. It was a perfect crown, faceted and intricate, yet lifeless and matte like the remains of a fire long burnt out.

I’d found it, but how was I meant to get it back?

Unless that had all been a test of my resolve. I could imagine that kind of deception from from the Great Trees so closely tied to the fae.

But all that blood. All that pain. The holes in my body. There was no coming back from that.

Still, I’d come for the Crown, and here it was at last. I would find a way to get it to Bastian. I reached for it when a shape unfolded from the forest’s shadows.

Feathers and darkness, smoke and sharp shards of cloth and obsidian, and from it all rose a man, tall and pale and laughing.

His unearthly beauty and the glow of his eyes told me exactly who he was at once—one of the unseelie Kings of Death.

Pale, pale skin stood out in stark contrast with his hair, so black, so dark, I’d only ever seen its like on one other person. Unlike Bastian’s, though, it fell around his shoulders in smooth lengths.

“You’ve passed the challenge. Your soul survived.” He smirked, eyeing me. The smirk faded, replaced by a sharp, raised eyebrow. “Not many make it to the gauntlet with everything that’s required, and the few who have were ripped apart by it. Intriguing that a human would be the first one to embrace death.”

“How do I take the Crown back if I’m dead?” It was foolish, but a tiny ember kindled in me, whispering that he might say he would return me to life so I could emerge triumphant, Crown in hand.

“Such hope in you. Such a human affliction. Are your lives too short for you to learn that it’s a fruitless sentimentality to cling to?” Sighing, he shook his head and peered upward. “Still, you burn brightly, and such a life force has its uses.”

Overhead, a greenish white streak rose into the grey sky, like a single lightning bolt. Strangest of all, though, was the fact its end seemed to end at me .

“That thread is a tether to your body. Or what’s left of it. Things may travel along it, but only for a while after death.” He reached up and plucked it, like a string upon a harp, letting out a cold chuckle as the note resonated through me. “And yours shines so brightly, as though you believe it might save you.”

Like that, he extinguished the ember of hope in my heart.

This was it. Death, with all its permanence.

For so long, I’d believed I couldn’t change my circumstances, only survive them. So I’d focused on that one thing. Survival at any cost.

Tonight I had tried to change everything, for me, for Bastian, for our friends and the people of Elfhame.

And that was what had killed me.

Such bittersweet irony.

All that time, I’d been wrong. I had changed my circumstances, and I had changed myself.

But now I knew something beyond all doubt.

I lifted my chin and smiled in the face of this king’s cold cynicism. “Dying for something important is better than surviving for nothing.”

The corner of his mouth quirked. “Such pretty words. But I suppose you are standing here in my realm, so you must truly believe it. Touching. I’ve seen the world up there, there is nothing worth dying for.”

Arrogant prick. He knew nothing of the price I’d paid or why I’d paid it, and the sting of that cost was still too fresh for me to keep quiet, accept the Crown, and send it back to earth like a good little girl.

“There are people I care about and who care about me,” I snapped. “But I’m starting to see why that may be an experience you can’t possibly understand.”

“You mean love ?” He laughed, properly this time, head thrown back. It was short-lived and switched to icy calm so quickly, it was dizzying. “There is no such thing. Or if there is, the world hates love. It’s a waste of time. It offers a hand and then claws you.” He bared his teeth, so like Bastian it made my heart sore. “It’s a splintered handhold that stabs rather than saves.”

“That sounds like the voice of bitter experience.”

“I thought myself in love once. I was the fool you are now. And all it got me was a dead lover, killed by her own mother.” He came closer, looming over me, his fury a chill in his voice. “All I could do was watch. And neither she nor our unborn child came here, so the world denied us reunion even in death. That is how I know love is a waste of time.”

I stared up at him. Pale gold eyes, but they glowed like Bastian’s. The hair. The way his teeth bared when he practically snarled his sentences.

And that story. Truncated, but…

“It isn’t a waste. Your son… he isn’t here because he’s alive .” I huffed out a shocked laugh. “He’s the one I love. The reason that tether burns so bright.”

But instead of wonder lighting up his face, he sneered. “How pathetic. I knew humans could lie, but I didn’t expect such a desperate attempt to return. Do you think such a story will make me give you back your sorry little life? Then again, should I be surprised a surface dweller would be so foolish?”

“My life is not sorry.” It wasn’t just my tether that burned now, but my whole body. “It is full and rich and all the more so because of your son. I can take you to him. I know who he is, where he lives. You can meet him.” Now my eyes burned too. “And he is someone worth knowing.”

I tried to hold them in, but the tears escaped.

I cried for the family I’d left behind. For Faolán with his grumbling love. For Rose’s cheerful strength that never faded. For quiet Ariadne who had her moments of shocking ferocity. For Perry’s inner calm, no matter the shit that was flying at her. For Ella’s outrageousness and love, both of which lit up the world around her.

I cried for Bastian. For the one who’d shown me there was a world beyond survival. And whose father stood before me now, the last parent he had left, but who refused to believe he lived.

But most of all, I cried for myself. For the fact I finally had a life worth living. And yet I’d lost it.

Yet there might be one more thing I could do beyond getting the Crown.

Hand over heart, I lifted my chin and squared my shoulders, meeting the king’s scepticism with every scrap of belief I held. “I swear on everything I am, everything I was, and everything I ever had in the world above—I’m telling you the truth about your son.”

He glowered down at me, but light bathed the clearing drawing his gaze upwards. “ Interesting .”

Above, my tether shone brighter than the black sun of this place, brighter than lightning, brighter than an inferno.

I held my breath, ready for him to take my hand and ask me to take him to Bastian.

“Perfect.” He smiled slowly. “Bright enough for me to travel along and pay a little visit to the Night Queen.”

“What about your son?”

“The invention you hoped might buy you back your life?” He scoffed. “No.”

Fine. If he wouldn’t accept my help, he could have my gift instead.

“Then I’m to remain dead.” I nodded as though accepting my fate. “Will you at least grant me one final boon? It’s only small.”

His attention returned from my tether, eyes narrowing. “How small?”

“Your beauty reminds me of your son, for whom I hold such great love. I cannot say goodbye to him, but might I kiss your cheek in his place, so I may at least pretend?”

There was a moment where he puffed up, so subtly he probably didn’t realise. But I’d gambled on his beauty being a source of vanity and that look confirmed I’d gambled well. “Humans are so susceptible to us. I will grant your desire.” He chuckled as he bent lower, presenting his cheek. “Your commitment to this lie is both amusing and commendable.”

I smiled sweetly, steadied myself on his arm, and tiptoeing up, I called upon my magic.

It leapt to me, alive in a way this world wasn’t, stronger than it felt in the world above. A dark symphony.

Like he felt it, his eyes went wide, but my lips were already upon his cool cheek.

He jerked away, hand going to the purple mark I’d left upon him. “What have you done?”

“Aconite. Not concentrated enough to kill you right away. I’d say you have about five minutes. Maybe ten.”

“ What ?” The word boomed around the clearing. “Are you trying to make me like surface dwellers? Because this is not how you ingratiate yourself with someone.”

“No, I’m making you take me back. It’s the new moon, so the veil is at its thinnest, right? And you said my tether was strong enough to take you back. If you can take yourself and the crown up there, you can take me, too.”

“Why would I do anything for you now?” Tendrils of poison crept over his cheek.

“The antidote is with my body. Take me back and I’ll give it to you.” I snatched the Crown. At my touch, it flared to life, cherry red embers glowing amongst the ashes.

He made a faint sound and I whirled on my heel. “Will you take me back and live? Or will you die for your own stubbornness?”

Sweat glistened on his brow, and his handsome features strained. The effects of my poison. “Idiot surface-dweller. If you’re telling the truth and the antidote is with your body, I can just go back up there and take it. I don’t need you alive.”

Shit. I barely stopped my face from falling. If I acted like I still had the upper hand, he might believe it.

“But, since you spun such a pretty story, I’ll give you a chance. The way back is open, but it is hard. You need to travel along the link back to your body, forged by your soul coming here. The way up just as painful as the way down. And you know the struggle of living. The pain of loss. The constant spectre of uncertainty. If you go back, it will always haunt you.” He stepped aside and the shadows amongst the trees yawned. “Or, you can go forward to the next place. There will be no pain. No struggle. No loss. Ever. You felt how easy it was to let go. It will be that easy for eternity.”

Easy.

So little in my life had ever been easy.

“It’s natural to move on. Your body is broken. You can feel this is the natural next step. You know this is right. It is the way of things.”

The darkness beckoned.

He bent closer, breath fanning my cheek as he whispered in my ear, “No more danger. You’ll be safe. Forever.”

Wasn’t that all I’d ever wanted? To be safe.

I’d found moments of safety. Instants where I could let go. Little pockets of life where I didn’t have to plan ahead or check over my shoulder or fear walking around a corner and headlong into some new danger.

I was rid of Robin and Rufus and even Cyrus. But there would always be a new predator who wanted something I didn’t wish to give. Braea waited above. There would be more after her.

Safety was only ever fleeting.

“I will take the Crown to whoever you choose. You can just walk into the night, forget everything.”

Bastian would have the Crown, and I wouldn’t need to cling to anything for survival.

I could forget about courts and palaces and magic. Kings and queens and their cruelties.

The easiness of being nothing had been peaceful. As lulling and alluring as the escape of drink.

And yet…

I didn’t want to walk into the night.

I wanted to watch another dawn, another dusk. I wanted to breed more roses and see if I could achieve that rich purple I’d dreamed of. I wanted to lie in the sun sated with cake and sex.

I wanted to live.

And I wanted to do that with Bastian.

I wanted to win another smile from him, another laugh—hells, a hundred more. I wanted to hear him say my name a thousand times. I wanted the touch of his skin on mine, the little gestures that said he was there and he wanted to touch me just because—just because it was pleasing, just because that warmth was a reminder, just because he loved me.

The next place might be safe, but it didn’t have any of those things.

And I wouldn’t settle for that.

I’d settled for too long.

I would live. And this time, I’d do it properly.