Page 38 of A Moth to the Flame (Utopia #1)

Chapter

Twenty-Seven

CORDELIA

Never in a million years did I imagine that I would be worried about Duke Castellaw.

Even at the height of his bullying, I couldn’t deny that he seemed larger than life. He’d been handsome, untouchable, adored by many, hated by none. It took him a long while to smile again after his mother’s death, but when he did, it looked like the sun breaking through the clouds after a storm.

I don’t know if visits to his aunt’s house are always this difficult for him. They might be, on account of that cantankerous old broad being his mother’s sister. From what I remember of Mrs. Castellaw, she bore little resemblance to Bitty, either in appearance or personality.

I cut another glance toward him, but he looks the same as he did when he struggled to pull himself into the passenger seat of his truck.

Damn near catatonic.

Probably the same way I looked in his body when I collapsed in the woods after the fortune teller incident.

My eyes are glazed over. He’s curled my torso over my bent knees and wrapped my arms around my legs until I look like a human ball, even with the seatbelt on.

He’s been mostly silent, communicating in caveman-like grunts.

As much as I’ve thought of him as a Neanderthal in the past, his thick silence now feels as oppressive as the humid summer air outside his truck.

When a single tear streaks down my cheek, I can’t hold his tongue any longer.

“Duke,” I whisper. “What’s wrong?”

The undeniable pain on my face reflects in the tightness of his chest. It’s killing me to see him this way, despite my past daydreams about him getting his just desserts.

He opens and closes my mouth without producing a single sound, until a choked-off sob escapes from my sealed lips.

Despite our sordid history, I can’t not do something.

I reach over the console to wrap his hand around my upper arm. “Is there anything I can do? Anything that might help?”

He barks out a startling laugh, then uncurls my body to swipe my palms across my damp cheeks. “I do not deserve your concern or your help.”

“Oh, well…” I murmur as his stomach pitches uncomfortably. It feels like being on a roller coaster, even though the truck is cruising over a rare level patch of road. “Ah, wait a minute. I get it. Wow. Congratulations, Duke. You have outdone yourself this time.”

He laughs again, but it’s watery and miserable-sounding. “What’d I do now?”

“The way I see it, it’s not so much about what you do or do not deserve.

” I keep my voice calm, even though I’m struggling not to shiver as pain seizes his muscles.

“I think you’re testing me. Trying to prove the point you’ve been making about me for years.

What is it you always said? That I’m a heartless, stuck-up snob who looks down her nose at everyone else?

” I shake my head and chew on his lip. “Honestly, this is some of your most masterful work. You’re a fine actor to boot, but I’m onto you, Castellaw. ”

A ghost of a smile slips across my lips. He shakes my head as he stares at my lap. “It’s a crying shame that some filthy rich man in Charleston hasn’t put a ring on your finger yet. You deserve that, Cordie. ”

His heart lurches at those words. I’m a liar, and maybe that’s why I don’t deserve shit.

“First of all, there aren’t any filthy rich men in Charleston.” I blow out a long breath. I can’t believe I’m about to do this. “Second…the men in Charleston want me about as much as the ones in Utopia.”

He snaps my eyes to his face so quick that he must’ve pulled a muscle in my neck. “What?”

“You heard me.” I shrug his big shoulders, like what I’m about to confess isn’t a big deal.

Like I’m not taking a huge leap of faith, even though he did it first. Like…

even if it can’t last forever, maybe this mating bond can help us weather the storm now .

“The boyfriend from college? I made him up. I told that story to psych myself up to do it as soon as I got back to campus.”

He furrows my brow. “To do what?”

“To finally have sex.” I twist his lips to the side. “To hook up with a one-night stand at a frat party. Ten out of ten, do not recommend by the way. It wasn’t a great experience.”

“Did he hurt you?” Duke growls. Yes, growls, in a way that my voice has never sounded before, even when sick.

“No.” I shake my head and give myself a moment to bask in awe at this most unexpected turn of events.

Then, I remember that this side quest has a destination that we’ll never reach if I don’t keep talking.

“He didn’t get me off either,” I admit. “To be fair, I don’t think he even had a good time.

That was my junior year. Senior year was more of the same, along with grad school.

I just figured I was bad at sex. At the very least, too inexperienced to really enjoy myself, especially with a stranger.

After I got settled in at my very adult job, I made myself an online dating profile.

Some of the guys I matched with were great.

We’d chat for weeks, and it seemed like we had so much in common, until we got to an in-person date.

Most of them never even wanted anything more after dinner or a movie or whatever.

The few who were brave enough to take me to bed… I never heard from again.”

I can feel him gaping at me, but I don’t dare take his eyes off the road. I’ll lose my nerve for sure if I see pity or disgust on my face.

“Anyway.” I chuckle. “I cried a lot over it. Really believed it was my fault in some way, that I didn’t deserve more than a disappointing roll in the sheets.

I never told Granny about most of this, of course.

Who sobs to their grandmother about their sad sex life?

It would’ve been nice to have a friend to lean on when I was at my lowest, though, to tell me to keep my chin up and keep trying. ”

“Don’t keep trying,” he croaks.

I freeze. Panic creeps up his throat.

“I didn’t mean that the way it sounded,” he rushes, my voice still hoarse. “I meant that it’s not our fault that things haven’t worked out for us in the past.”

That doesn’t feel like as much of a relief as it should. I shake off the old ghosts and the fresh haunting. We’re here, now. We’ll never make it to the other side if we don’t keep pushing forward.

“My point is, tell me what’s bothering you so.” I step a little further into this new, terrifying territory. “We don’t have to suffer in silence anymore.”

He stares out the windshield for so long that I’m not sure he’s going to play by these new rules, however temporary they may be.

He finally blows out a breath, rubbing my eyes with my fists. “You probably are the best person to help me figure this out. You’re so fucking smart, reading all the time, and…you’re a woman.”

“Not currently.” I snort to ease him into talking about what’s got him so rattled.

“Let’s say you wanted to have a baby,” he hedges very slowly. “But your partner found out they were sterile.”

I sit up straighter behind the wheel. Why on God’s green earth is he asking this hypothetical? Especially after what I just confessed to him.

He suddenly reaches over and curls my fingers around his arm. “Cordie. Stop the truck.”

Something about the commanding tone of his voice compels me to obey. I immediately lift my foot off the accelerator and hit the brakes.

The truck fishtails a few times before it comes to a stop in the middle of a deserted mountain road. I turn to question Duke, but the terror on my face gives me pause. I follow the direction of his intent gaze .

There, standing on the side of the road a little ways ahead, is the biggest… thing I’ve ever seen.

Before us is a lithe, tall figure of a man, over seven feet tall.

His towering form would overshadow even Duke’s height.

This man has wings . They’re spread wide, almost like a human would brace themselves for a fight.

The thing’s wingspan is at least as wide as he is tall.

In structure and texture, they resemble bat wings.

In color, they remind me of an angel, glaringly white and shimmering in the humid sunlight.

This isn’t a benevolent being sent from heaven.

There’s no mistaking the malice in his stance, just as there’s no mistaking the gender of something that isn’t quite human.

The creature is naked, with a long, thick cock standing at attention between his muscled thighs.

This powerful erection doesn’t immediately evoke a stirring in me, or even in Duke’s body that’s perpetually horny.

It reminds me of a weapon, something meant for destruction and domination in a way that’s terrifying instead of arousing.

“Cordie,” Duke rasps. “You see that, too, right? I’m not hallucinating?”

I shake his head, and I drag my eyes upward from the creature’s built-in sword. And promptly get snagged on a piercing red gaze.

It’s like the fires of hell on a human face. Deep, burning like hot coals, and utterly hypnotic. The longer I stare, the less I can look away.

It’s my vision from The Flame, come to life.

I’m vaguely aware of the thing beating its wings in a strange rhythm that doesn’t look like it’s readying for takeoff. Still, I can’t escape the snare of its glowing red eyes. They’re truly glowing, outshining the sun or even the effect of the light rippling across its undulating white wings.

It’s almost like it’s trying to communicate with me in a language I don’t understand but desperately want to learn.

The rest of the world fades away. The only thing that punctures through my trance is the sound of my own voice as Duke mutters in the passenger seat beside me. He doesn’t sound nearly as enthralled as I feel.

“Jesus H. Christ. Are we looking at Mothman right now? Like we need something else to deal with. ”