Page 18 of A Moth to the Flame (Utopia #1)

Chapter

Thirteen

DUKE

Neveah barges into my garage. “Out of respect for the dead, I’ve given you a week of privacy, but you’ve blown that all to the seven hells. I don’t know what’s going on with you, Cordelia, but it’s time to spill.”

I narrow Cordie’s eyes. There are two problems with Neveah’s speech. One—why the hell is she even talking to Cordie? Two—why is she acting like giving Cordie space is skin off her nose?

I do not have the patience today to play this fucking game.

I’m already living on the edge. Taking care of Cordie’s body in the most mundane ways is wearing me down a little more every day.

I haven’t touched her body, even though she really did jerk me off.

I can’t believe she actually did it. Part of me is dying to ask her how it went beyond some chafing.

She didn’t act like anything unusual happened, and I wasn’t about to give her any reason to figure out just how fucked up I am.

I’ve worked too hard for too long to convince everyone that I’m just a dumb playboy.

If anyone knew the full truth…well. There’s no telling how that would turn out.

Then there were all the other things that don’t sit right with me.

Hearing Cordie list all the ways she thinks I tortured her over the years left me truly questioning whether she’s as fucked in the head as I am.

It doesn’t make sense, since everyone ignores her to the point of abuse, and I really don’t remember doing or saying any of that shit.

When it comes to Cordie, my mind has never worked right.

Maybe hers doesn’t where I’m concerned, too.

“Don’t play coy with me.” Neveah smiles, but there’s something sly about it that makes me sweat. “What the hell are you doing here , of all places? I know Duke isn’t around, so this is the perfect time to dish.”

I’m so stupid. I’m in my own damn garage, but all Neveah sees is Cordie McCoy in my shop.

Goosebumps ripple over her skin. I’ve spent all week tracking down as many people in town as possible. Why is Neveah talking to her? How does she see Cordie at all, in ways that no one else does?

I think back to the wake. Out of nearly the whole damn town, only five people that night had acknowledged Cordie’s existence—Neveah, Hope, Savina, Wallace.

And me.

“Really? You’re not even going to tell me what’s going on?” Hurt darkens Neveah’s face. “I thought we were besties now.”

I can’t make sense of what I’m hearing, but it’s also an opportunity to get some damn answers.

First thing’s first—we need an excuse for why Cordie’s been in my garage so often for the past week. I’ve been here trying to think by keeping my fucking hands busy.

“I needed money, and Duke was willing to hire me,” I say.

It’s not totally a lie. Technically, she’s working for me, since I’m in her body, and I work here. Too bad I don’t make enough money to pay anyone. I don’t have enough customers to even need a secretary. My tools are cleaner and more organized than they’ve been in years, though.

“Riiiiiiight,” Neveah drags out. “You expect me to believe that you wouldn’t rather sell foot porn on the internet than work for Duke Castellaw?”

That should be a valid point, but it’s not. If no one even glanced Cordie’s way when I went into the damn ER, then how would anyone know how much we hate each other?

“Rumors are flying around town,” Neveah interrupts my thoughts. “Mary Angela Durbin saw you walk into Duke’s house last night at ten.”

I narrow Cordie’s eyes until Neveah’s face comes into sharper focus. Normally, Utopia has more eyes and ears than a spy base. There’s no way she’s telling the truth, though. Not after what I’ve heard and seen.

“Really?” I say as casually as possible.

“Yep.” Neveah nods a little too much.

“Huh.” I stick my tongue in Cordie’s cheek. “That’s odd. Yesterday, I went into the grocer and couldn’t get Mary Angela to even say good morning to me. She pretended I didn’t exist.”

“Oh. Well, uh…” Neveah’s cheeks pink before that same sly smile spreads across her mouth. “You know how it is around here. If everyone thinks you’re a hussy, then they won’t acknowledge you in public.”

“That so.” It’s a statement, not a question.

“Small towns, small minds.” Neveah laughs with a hint of panic in her tone. “Remember that time in high school when Mrs. Greaves caught me making out with Jake Canon behind the grocer? No one in town would even look at me for a month.”

I don’t remember that, but I can’t forget what Cordie told me yesterday. No one had even touched her until her junior year of college.

I shake off the strange sense of relief that mixes with hurt for her, for all she’s missed out on.

Neveah’s story gives me an idea, and that’s more important than my fucked-up headspace.

“Remember that time Duke told everyone at school that I like to fuck sheep?”

Her eyes widen. She coughs a little. “Yeah. He’s always been such a dick to you.

Too bad he hasn’t grown up, even though we’re all thirty now.

I still can’t believe he wanted me to leave a flaming bag of dog shit on your front porch as revenge for egging his truck.

It’s not like he didn’t deserve it after the way he acted at your granny’s wake. ”

Fuck. Me.

What is Neveah even talking about?

Is there some sort of gas leak around here that makes us all hallucinate?

I shake Cordie’s head and smile. “You must think I’m touched for agreeing to work here.”

“You’re touched, all right,” Neveah mutters.

“I think I need some reminders about why I should stay away from Duke. You up for a little trip down memory lane?”

She eyes me with suspicion. “What did you have in mind?”

“Let’s go talk to some old classmates until I remember that no amount of extra money is worth being around him,” I suggest as casually as possible.

“Oh, honey.” Neveah laughs again. Sounds about as natural as the last time.

“You don’t need that. You’re already coming to your senses.

If you still want a job while you’re in town, I can get you one.

I’m sure Hope or Savina would be more than happy to have your accounting expertise, if you need some extra funds to repair the homestead. Let’s go talk to them.”

Not a chance in hell would I work for them. I already know they won’t ignore Cordelia. Still don’t know why.

But I’m going to fucking find out.

I thread Cordie’s arm through Neveah’s and drag us toward the door. Not an easy feat with Neveah digging her heels in. She’s always been bigger than Cordie.

“Come on,” I cajole. “It’s like you said. We’re besties now. Let’s go reminisce about the good ole days.”

“Poor Delia.” She pats Cordie’s arm. “It’s not healthy to distract yourself from grief this way. You need to mourn so that you can move on.”

That’s another familiar refrain that makes me grit Cordie’s teeth. Why are the few people in town who notice her so hellbent on her moving on? If they gave a shit about her grief, then they wouldn’t be pushing her out of town as fast as possible .

I can’t let this slide. It pisses me off too much.

“Well, bestie.” It takes every ounce of my willpower to make Cordie’s voice sound neutral. “I’ve been on my own for the past week to mourn. Sure could’ve used a shoulder to cry on, or someone to keep me from making the mistake of working here.”

Neveah bites her lip. Her eyes shine with what looks like real tears. “You’re right, Delia. I should’ve been here for you all week, but I didn’t want to insult you either by sticking my nose where it might not be welcome. We were never close friends growing up, and I’m truly sorry for that.”

Something dark and sinister taps at the back of my brain. This is more than an act. It feels…like a plan.

Neveah goes on, “We were thrown into the deep end and left to sink or swim in a society that has no use for women like us. Instead of banding together, we did what we could to survive. You turned to your books, and I weaponized comedy.”

She’s not telling me anything I haven’t figured out for myself. Cordie used books to escape from the reality that no one in this town would fucking talk to her. If my memory serves—and I’m not sure that it does at this point—Neveah was one of those people.

What’s changed?

“One of the best things about leaving the mountains for years is that the distance and time gave me clarity.” A half-smile tips Neveah’s lips to one side.

It’s like she’s reading my mind, and that freaks me out as much as anything.

“I learned that if I wanted a friend, I had to be one first. I’m sorry I wasn’t a better friend to you.

Even that’s kind of selfish on my part, because I know you would have been a damn good friend to me if I ever gave you a reason to be. ”

Why bother to confess now? She’s right about it being selfish. Cordie just lost her only family. She doesn’t need the added baggage of anyone else’s guilt.

“Duke was mean to me, but that was kid stuff. Most people use fat jokes to feel better about themselves.” Her smile sharpens. “Course, that means they also don’t get to experience all the glory that a soft woman has to offer. ”

Shame heats Cordie’s cheeks. I can’t deny Neveah’s memories, unlike Cordie’s. I did say some really crappy things to Neveah. It was just kid stuff, but clearly, it left a mark.

I bite back an apology. Cordie isn’t on the hook for my sins of the past.

“The things Duke said and did to you, though?” She whistles.

“That man reached into the lowest depths of hell on the regular. I wish I’d had the strength to stand up for you, but I was too busy licking my own wounds.

We can’t change the past, but we’re both here now.

Even if it’s for crap reasons, we can do and be better going forward. ”