Page 91 of A Monarch's Fall

She laughed as she walked away.

I shut the door and fell back on my bed in relief, for a moment. I thought I had handled Kat quite well. I had lied easily and convincingly, so why did I feel so bad about it? I had never been in a situation before where I had to pretend to be someone I wasn’t, where I had to lie so frequently. I had basically been playing a character, some other version of myself, since I arrived. It was exhausting, and it took something from me. Like a little part of the real me was slowly fading away and replaced by the version of myself I had created here.

I lay my hand on my chest. My heart beat, but my chest still felt hollow. My room wasn’t cold, but I was always cold. I couldn’t get warm. I had stopped trying. Just like I had stopped trying to feel my bond with Selene. I had never really felt it in the first place. But I knew it wasn’t there like it had been. Something was wrong. That was what kept me going. I couldn’t worry about how easily or convincingly I was able to lie; I couldn’t worry about losing a part of me here. I had to do whatever it took to get back to Selene. Maybe I was heartless. Maybe I could convincemyself I was doing it all for the greater good. Truly, though, I knew I wasn’t doing any of this for anyone other than myself. I wanted to be home with Selene, and I would do whatever it took to get back to her.

The quad was surprisingly busy as I walked to the mess hall for the earlier meal. Suddenly, the base seemed a lot smaller and bigger with so many people around. Some looked at me as if in recognition, but I made a point of not making eye contact with anyone. I kept my stare ahead of me as I made a beeline for the mess hall, where I hoped Ana would be waiting for me.

I was so set on getting to the mess hall and finding Ana to work out how we would leave the following night that I didn’t notice Dylan, not until he had gripped me by my upper arm to stop me.

“Hey, Percy, what are you doing out here alone?” he asked, looking around like he expected someone to appear.

“I’m going to the mess hall,” I told him, “Get off of me,” I commanded as I pulled my arm away.

He let me go and looked me up and down.

“Your leg is looking better,” he said and smiled that stupid, big, childish smile he always had.

His cheeks were less full, his frame noticeably more muscular, and his mop of blonde hair was cut short and neat, but his smile was still the same. I almost forgot he was a self-righteous idiot.

“It’s a lot better,” I answered. “If you don’t mind, I’m hungry,” I said as I tried to walk away.

“Hey, hey, Percy, wait, we haven’t had any time to talk about anything. Come on,” he said and took hold of my upper arm again, pulling me down a narrow path between two of the many buildings that surrounded the quad.

“Dylan, stop it,” I warned him, ripping my arm free. “You can’t just drag me about like that.”

“Sorry,” he said as he stepped back to allow a couple of soldiers to pass us. We weren’t alone, just off the busiest paths leadingthrough the quad. “Look, I wanted to apologise. For how things had to go down. I wanted to get you out earlier, but we had to wait for the right time…” he hesitated, “…I’m sorry about Fredrick,” he finally said, and at least had the decency to look upset.

“You should be,” I told him, “No one should have gone into that maze, I didn’t need your help.”

“I couldn’t have known that, Percy. I had no choice. I had to get you out and back here,” he defended himself.

“You had to make a stupid run for it, under fire?” I asked.

He looked away.

“You don’t understand. He knew what we were doing, the importance of retrieving you. He understood the risk,” he continued.

“No one had to die. You were reckless,” I accused.

“Sometimes in war you have to take risks, Percy,” he said, and I turned to leave. I didn’t have time for him, but he stopped me, taking my hand in his.

“I’m warning you, Dylan,” I said as I tried to pull my hand away, “let me go,” I demanded.

“Percy, stop this. You’re angry, and I get it, but this is the way it had to be. We didn’t create any of the situations that we’ve found ourselves in. Life sucks sometimes. But you and I both know if we had met under different circumstances, we wouldn’t be arguing right now. We’re perfect for each other. I know it, and you know it. I also know you’ve settled in really well, since you awoke.” He smiled cockily like he knew something, and there was so much to unpack from all the nonsense he had just spoken.

I pulled my hand forcefully away from him.

“Any care that I might have had for you died in that maze, on that hill, that night,” I snarled, surprising even myself with my anger.

“You don’t mean that, you’re still working through what’s left over of whatever that bitch did to you,” he said, his eyebrows furrowing in anger as he stepped closer to me.

“What are you talking about?” I asked, stepping away from him, and my back hit the building behind me.

“I mean, there’s a reason you’ve settled in so well and come around to us. You aren’t under her enchantments anymore. I told you she had you enchanted, had manipulated you into thinking you were in love,” he told me cockily, like he had been waiting for this I-told-you-so moment and placed his arms above me against the wall, boxing me in.

“This is all your fault. You’re the reason I’m here. You’re the reason this is all happening in the first place!” I accused. “If you weren’t so obsessed with me, the northern Houses wouldn’t have been upended, Oskar wouldn’t be dead, and Halvorsen wouldn’t be in this war, and I wouldn’t be here!” My voice had grown in volume as I spoke, and Dylan just looked confused.

“What’s wrong with you? I thought you were fitting in here, enjoying yourself, meeting the kids,” he said.