Page 101 of A Monarch's Fall

“We shouldn’t trust him,” Ana said after he was out of sight.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Whatever he’s up to, for himself, for Arvid, I don’t think any of it is going to make things easier to avoid a full out war. It’ll just result in more upset, more violence. We should kill him. Once we’re in Maria,” she said.

“Ana, what? No!” I whispered, scared he would come back at any moment and overhear us.

“It makes the most sense,” Ana argued.

“No more death!” I stated. “No more killing. We have to find different ways of dealing with things, remember? That’s what we agreed to.”

“I don’t want a war,” Ana corrected, “But I’m not naïve enough to think that there won’t be a single death, Percy. Come on! People like Valen, do you really think they can be reasoned with,that they would give up their attempts to take power because they’ve been asked nicely? No! People like Valen will see the offer of peace as a weakness and strike, causing the deaths and disruption of so many more lives than we can even envision. Sometimes you’ve got to shoot the fox for the sake of the chickens,” she insisted.

“Ana, no,” I stated calmly.

“Percy —” she began.

“No, Ana!” I said more forcefully, “You’ve never taken a life. Never been the reason that someone is dead. You don’t know what that’s like. It’s not something you can walk away from. Taking someone’s life like that, even someone like Valen, it takes a part of you too. A part you can’t ever get back,” I told her.

“Percy, you’ve never killed anyone —”

“I have,” I interrupted, “And I see his face in my dreams, I see all their faces. I’ve stood by and watched, never intervening, as so many people have been killed right in front of me, friends, enemies, it doesn’t make a difference. Our hands still have Kat’s blood on them, and you want to add to that!”

“Who did you kill? And that wasn’t our fault,” she replied, her voice barely a whisper.

“Wasn’t it?” I questioned. “She was there because she had gone looking for you and me. We made a thousand choices that led us to that moment, and maybe if we had made just one different decision, she might still be alive. You felt it when her heart stopped. I know you must have; you were touching her. She might not have been someone you knew, you might not have shot her, but the impact of being there, of being involved, of holding even a drop of responsibility, you felt it. Taking someone’s life, no matter what you tell yourself, you could drown in the guilt.”

“Percy,” she began softly and reached out and took my hands, and I turned my face away in shame. I hadn’t told anyone aboutthe servant at Ardens that day, “you’ve never spoken about any of this before. I knew something was wrong after you escaped Vouna. You’ve been anxious, sometimes moody, I guess. I’ve seen the lack of sleep on your face, but I didn’t know it was this bad. I didn’t know you were carrying so much —”

Valen knocked on the window loudly, and we were both startled by the interruption.

“We’ve found a ride,” he said as he opened the door, “Get out.”

“I thought we were taking a ferry?” Ana asked.

“We can’t exactly purchase a ticket at any of the large commercial docks, you fool. We’d be back at The New Foundation’s Halvorsen headquarters before lunch,” he said as we got out of the car. “I’ve secured us passage on a small boat,” he explained, “No questions asked.”

We walked across a loose stone path and down steps towards the wooden dock. Each step felt precarious, the wooden dock was not well-maintained, and the boards were being eaten away by rot in some places.

“Right this way,” Valen instructed as he walked ahead of us and towards a small motor cruiser about twenty feet just big enough for us. A large, older-looking man sat at the helm; he was slumped over the steering wheel as if asleep.

The closer we got, the more my stomach began to sink. Something felt wrong.

Valen jumped into the boat and turned around, holding his hand out for me. I allowed him to help me down and stood motionless as Ana joined me.

Valen stepped around us and to the man.

“Don’t mind him,” he said casually as he lifted the man from behind under the arms and carelessly moved him to the companion seat.

The man’s body slumped back, revealing a dark red gash torn open in his throat.

The man gurgled, blood sputtering and bubbling from his neck, and his eyes moved to me.

Valen laughed, “Sorry, ladies, I thought I had finished him,” he smiled, flashing his fangs, “It’s been a while since I had a good meal and my eyes were bigger than my stomach. He won’t be much of a distraction for long,” he said and patted the man on the head like a dog. “Sit down now,” he instructed us. Ana grabbed my hand and pulled me down onto the back bench as Valen started the motor and the boat began to move.

I turned to Ana, and she gave me a look that I couldn’t decipher. Was she mad, sad, disappointed, vindicated? I couldn’t tell.

I felt cold, colder than the weather made me, colder than the missing piece in my chest kept me. So cold that I couldn’t move.