Page 38 of A Lover for Lady Jane (The Welsh Rebels #5)

Chapter Twenty

F or two long days and two awful nights, Jane had to watch Griffin fight off the fever holding him in its grip.

At first, she’d been relieved to see him succumb to unconsciousness, since it would only help him to get over the worst of the pain while she stitched the cut on his chest. It had been as emotionally hard for her as it would have been physically painful for him, and it had helped not to have to see him fight to remain stoic.

Once the last stitch had been cut, she had retched into the bowl of bloodied water.

Then she had burst into tears, dissolving into a puddle at the foot of the bed.

No, it was best Griffin had not seen any of the pathetic display.

But then when he had failed to fully regain his senses she had started to worry. Fever and infection were the real danger for someone in his situation, everyone knew that.

On the second night her eyes grew blurry with fatigue, and she started to wonder how she was going to carry on.

To add to Jane’s despair, the evening after the fever had taken hold of Griffin, she had started to bleed.

It would seem that, unlike what she had thought, she was not with child, but only a few days late, perhaps due to the strain she’d endured since her abduction.

And now she was losing hope of seeing the man she loved get better.

Would she lose him moments after being forced to accept she was not carrying his child?

She didn’t see how she would survive it.

The only good thing to come out of these dreadful days was the news that Christopher had recovered from his wounds.

The cut on his cheek would leave a scar, but otherwise, he was as well as could have been hoped.

It had been a relief to hear it. She certainly didn’t need any more cause for concern.

He had also informed her that Cynan and his men were dead.

Lord Wills would have had a visit from Uncle Matthew by now and she could be certain the man had been made to regret his part in the whole affair.

As dawn broke on the third day, Sian entered the room, carrying a tray of food. Jane took a sip of ale and nibbled at some cheese while her sister looked on, worry etched on her face.

“You need to get some rest,” she urged, putting the tray away when it became obvious the pottage would not be eaten.

“Stay in the room if you must, I understand you do not want to leave his side. I would do the same if it were Christopher. But you need to sleep, so I asked for a pallet to be brought in.”

“I must?—”

“You must rest. ’Tis the most important thing.

Griffin is not going to be pleased when he wakes up and finds you half dead from exhaustion.

I do not want to have to answer to him for not looking after you properly.

” Despite the chiding, it lifted Jane’s spirit to hear her sister talk about the moment Griffin would wake up as if it were a certainty.

She had started to doubt she would ever see him recover.

“I promise to wake you the moment there is news.”

Jane would have protested, had not servants brought in a bundle of furs and some straw in at that precise moment. The prospect of a few hours’ oblivion was impossible to resist. Not bothering to remove her dress, she fell on the welcoming pallet and lost consciousness.

She woke up in the bed next to Griffin, who was looking at her with clear blue eyes. Such a piercing stare could only mean one thing. The fever had broken at last. The worst was over. He was finally on the road to recovery. Everything within her slackened. It was over, he?—

Then she bolted upright, relief eclipsed by dread.

“Don’t tell me you lifted me from the pallet and carried me to the bed!” she shouted. With his injuries, it was the last thing he should have done. “Your stitches, the?—”

“No. I woke up this morning with Sian by my side, watching over me. She told me you had fallen asleep not so long ago. Between us we agreed you needed your sleep, so she didn’t disturb you.

But I wanted you next to me, so we had Christopher bring you to the bed.

” He gave her a tender smile, the kind of smile she had feared never to see again. “You never even stirred once.”

No, she wouldn’t have. She always slept soundly, as he knew, and after three days with little to no sleep, her body would have needed to recuperate.

But he’d wanted her next to him… It was the best thing she could have heard.

Reassured, she lay back down and snuggled into his all too delicious warmth.

Christopher had placed her on Griffin’s left side, she noticed, so she could not hurt him when she moved.

“How long have I been asleep?” He’d mentioned the morning and it was now dark. On the chest by the window a single candle was burning, casting gold light onto the stone wall.

Griffin gave her cheek a stroke. “Not as long as I have by all accounts, but long enough. How do you feel?”

“How do I feel? I should be the one asking you that question. You’ve been delirious for days, your injuries?—”

He shook his head. “Forget about me. I’ll be fine, thanks to you all. How are you…both?”

His good hand, tentative, landed on her stomach.

Of course. He didn’t know. He still thought she might be with child, perhaps he even hoped she was with child.

Jane crumpled from the inside, because now she would have to tell him there was no babe.

Would he think she had deliberately misled him, like Ffion had done a few months ago?

Would he not resent her for the pain she had caused him by raising his hopes yet again?

“I’m sorry, Griffin, I’m not with child,” she sobbed, hiding her face in her hands. “I thought I might be, but I was mistaken.”

And she was heartbroken. It was only when she had started bleeding that she had realized how much she had wanted to carry Griffin’s baby.

Not just because it would have meant they had no choice but to discuss a future together, but because she had wanted the baby.

Unlike Sian, she had never been obsessed with children, but at the idea of holding a babe who was the image of the man she loved, her heart had melted.

Besides, she knew Griffin wanted children, and she wanted to be the one to give them to him.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to?—”

“You have nothing to be sorry about,” Griffin assured her, holding her tight against him. “It’s not your fault.”

But she did feel guilty. She should have stayed silent.

Panicked at the prospect of having to raise their child alone, even more panicked at the idea of losing him, she had blurted out her fears instead of allowing him to focus on his recovery with his mind unencumbered by worries and false hopes.

She had only been a few days late, everyone knew such things happened, and it was no cause for concern.

Mentioning it to Griffin would only have raised his hopes without achieving anything.

Whichever way you looked at it, she had made a mistake.

So, Jane was not with child, after all.

Eyes closed, arms tight around her, Griffin wondered how the news made him feel.

Only a week ago, he might have been relieved to hear that their tryst in the hay hadn’t had any consequences.

Now he was crestfallen. During his fever, the only thing that had sustained him was the knowledge that Jane needed him, that she was waiting for him to recover so they could welcome their child together.

And he had sworn to himself that if he survived, he would not let anything or anyone get between them, even himself, even his doubts.

Well, he had survived. And so, it was time to make good on his promise.

He took in a deep breath, feeling like he imagined a knight might feel when about to throw himself into battle.

“Worry not, cariad . In time, I will give you a babe. If not this year, then the next, or the one after, but I will give you children because I intend to bed you as often as I can. In the meantime, I will give you my heart and my love.” His chest constricted.

Would it be enough? “I cannot give you anything else for it is all I have. Will you?—”

“It is all I want!” Jane cried out, nestling herself even closer to his chest before he could actually ask her to marry him, as if to say she was prepared to live with him in sin as long as they were together. “Your heart and your love are all I need. Griffin, you know I love you.”

“I do.” He draped his good hand over her nape, circling the soft skin under her ear in soothing gestures. “And it doesn’t scare me anymore. But being without you does. So please, marry me before I come back to my senses and flee as far as Eryr can take me.”

Instead of giving him the answer he wanted, she sat up in outrage, much like she had done earlier. Dear Lord, he was really making a mess of this marriage proposal. Weren’t women supposed to swoon and agree? Instead, his bride-to-be was glowering at him.

“Flee! You will do no such thing, and I will go get the priest if you persist in your folly, and have him marry us right now, in this chamber, do you hear me, Griffin ap Madoc?”

Oh, he heard her, he heard all the love and determination to have him for a husband. He smiled. Messy as it was, this was the best marriage proposal he could have dreamed of, because it was to this woman and she was agreeing.

“Don’t get the priest now, please. I would rather stand when I make you my wife, Lady Jane Hunter.”

Her whole body relaxed and she gave him a radiant smile. “Aye. I would prefer that too, and let the whole world see us.”

“Does that mean you accept?” Was she really going to marry him? He still could not believe it.

“Yes. I was your lover, now I will be your wife and, in time, the mother of your children.”

His throat tightened. “You know…”