Page 30 of A Lover for Lady Jane (The Welsh Rebels #5)

Chapter Fifteen

I want him more than I have wanted anything in my life. I burn for him like I have never burned for anyone. I think, no, I know I am in love with him. And nothing will change that.

Griffin ran a hand through his hair, barely resisting the urge to pull on it.

Could he fool himself that Jane had been talking about someone other than him?

Did he want to? Though he dreaded to hear that she had feelings for him, feelings they would never be able to act upon, he could not bear the idea that she was actually in love with someone else, burned for another man.

No, he reasoned, it could not be. She would not have gifted him with her maidenhead if she was in love, or even merely interested in someone else, she would not have begged him to take her, she would not be looking at him with such longing in her eyes, she wouldn’t smile at him as if he were the answer to all her prayers.

Because such was the way she looked at him, such was the way she smiled at him.

Damn. If that was really how she felt, then she might not let him go. It would be up to him to find the strength to do the right thing and leave.

As if he could sense his master’s turmoil, Eryr nudged at his chest in reassurance. Griffin gave the horse a stroke on the neck.

“Ignore me, my boy, I’m being a fool,” he murmured. “You’re lucky to be a horse, in many ways. Come on, it’s time to pick your hooves.”

Better to focus on something he could actually do than obsess about someone he had better forget.

He took the hoof pick from the bucket and sighed.

What a mess he’d landed himself in. He had accepted Geraint’s offer to escape heartache and disillusion, and here he was, being forced to see that what he’d felt for Ffion had been nothing more than lust. He had not felt anything special for her, rather he had tried to persuade himself they could have a future together.

The difference with what he felt for Jane was glaring, and made him see that he would easily have gotten over the loss of the villager, especially now that he knew she’d never been with child or even wanted him.

Having cleaned all four of Eryr’s hooves, he straightened back up—and found himself staring straight into Seren’s green eyes. How long had the little girl been standing there? He smiled at her, and she smiled right back.

“Is that your horse?” she asked, eyeing up the stallion with the air of someone who knew what they were talking about.

Griffin was not surprised. He’d already had a chance to see that Lord Sheridan only kept splendid animals in his stables.

His daughter, young as she was, would know a destrier in his prime. “He’s beautiful.”

“Thanks, I think so too. His name is Eryr.”

“Have you had him long?”

“No. Only a few months.”

“How old is he?”

“Eight, I think.”

“I’m eight as well!” she piped up, eyes sparkling. The unusual color of her irises reminded him of Jane’s, even if the shade was slightly darker, more like Lady Sheridan’s. The little girl would grow up to be a stunning woman, just like her sister. “Maybe he and I were born on the same day!”

Not wanting to disappoint her, he agreed. “You never know.”

“No, you never know.” She nodded sagely, then seemed to remember what she’d come to tell him. “I was sent to tell you that we’re all waiting for you in the main hall. The food is ready.”

“Thank you. Just let me wash, and I’ll be there.”

As he scrubbed his hands clean, Griffin wondered what to think.

What were the Hunter family doing? Treating him like a prestigious guest when he was a farmer’s son, behaving as if it were normal that he sit at table next to a lord, waiting for him before starting their meal?

And what was he doing, going along with the farce, instead of insisting he should eat with the grooms and the servants?

He was doing the only thing he could, he reflected, as he entered the hall and saw Jane smile shyly at him. Delaying the inevitable parting for as long as possible.

Was Griffin avoiding her? Was it because of what he’d heard in the herb garden earlier that morning? Was it because he’d lost all interest in her now that his mission was over?

Jane picked up her embroidery basket and sighed.

Did it matter why? What mattered was that he was avoiding her.

After the meal, where he had seemed rather uncomfortable sitting between her and her mother, he had disappeared back outside, claiming he needed to exercise his horse.

It was clear he thought he had no place anywhere in the castle, except in the stables with the grooms. She would have to go find him, talk to him in private before he decided he could not bear it anymore and left for good.

Yes. And tell him what, exactly? That she was in love with him?

No. It would be a terrible idea, since he already knew and the notion clearly frightened him.

She would have to give him time to absorb the information before she did anything else.

He’d told her as they were finishing their meal that he was thinking of going to England next, for want of a better alternative.

Should she suggest he go somewhere near Sheridan Manor, so as to ensure she knew where to find him when the time came to confront him? She wasn’t sure.

More confused than ever, Jane picked up her needle. Just then the door opened, and hope surged through her. Had Griffin come back to his senses? Had he decided to ask her to go for a ride with him?

Her shoulders sagged in disappointment when Christopher entered the room with his usual saunter.

Having lost his title of Lord Ashton in the summer had not affected his spirit.

He was still the most irreverent rogue she had ever seen, nothing like Griffin, who, despite his masculine presence, could not hide a certain vulnerability.

She knew which she preferred in a man. Christopher’s immovable confidence grated on her.

What was wrong with her? Why couldn’t she be at ease with him now that he was her brother-in-law and she’d seen he made her sister happy?

Despite the difference in status between them, Sian had accepted Griffin with no hesitation, because she could tell he was the man for her.

So why could Jane not get past her childish resentment and accept Christopher?

“Little Lamb.”

Before addressing or even looking at anyone else, he placed a kiss on the top of his wife’s head.

There was so much love in that gesture Jane’s insides constricted.

In the last two days, she had discovered a new side to Christopher Harrison, one he only allowed to shine with his wife.

Perhaps she would eventually forget the insufferable braggart he’d once been, if she spent enough time with the devoted husband he was now.

“Are you all right, my love?” Sian asked, cupping his cheek with her hand.

Evidently, she had detected something in her husband’s demeanor that warranted the question. Jane had not seen anything amiss, but she could not claim to know him as well.

“I’m perfectly all right. But I wanted to show you this.” He handed her a folded parchment complete with red wax seal. It looked rather official, almost ominous. “A missive from Throckmorton Castle arrived earlier this morning.”

Jane instantly understood the enormity of the announcement.

Lord Ashton, Christopher’s half-brother, was his declared enemy since he had tried to kill Sian for daring to resent the way he had made her believe Christopher was a liar and usurper.

He was the last person who should want to write to him.

“What does Thomas have to say?” Sian sounded nervous. Evidently, she agreed with the ominous aspect of the letter.

“I know not. I wanted to open it with you.”

Well. Attentive, tender, willing to share his most important news with his wife, the man really was a model husband. If she kept witnessing such behavior, Jane might have no choice. Against all odds, she might end up liking Christopher Harrison.

“Shall I leave?” she offered, making to get up.

“No,” Sian answered, giving her a quick smile. She slipped a shaky finger underneath the seal and opened the letter. Together, husband and wife started to read and then stilled, looking at one another in stupefaction.

Jane waited, certain an explanation was coming.

“This is from Lady Ashton,” Sian said after a while, shaking her head in disbelief at the news she was about to impart. “Her husband is dead, killed in a fit of rage by a local lord who caught him in bed with his daughter.”

Jane did not comment. What was there to say? A despicable lecher full of his own worth, a would-be murderer himself, the man had finally gotten his just deserts. She could not begin to feel sorry for him, and she saw that neither Sian nor Christopher were devastated by the news.

“There is more,” her sister said slowly, smoothing the piece of parchment on her lap. “Their ten-year old son Henry died the following day, having caught a chill during a sword training session in the snow.”

“Oh no! Poor Lady Ashton.” The death of her wayward, cruel husband might not have crushed her, but the loss of her child, especially in a manner so absurd as this one, would be terrible for a mother.

“I’m certain Thomas was the one who insisted on his heir training in such harsh conditions, determined as he was to make him a man and a suitable lord when the time came,” Christopher spat, contempt for his brother audible.

“I should have killed him when I had the chance, when he tried to strangle my wife. If I had, little Henry would still be alive.”

A silence followed. Then Sian spoke, her voice low.

“Yes. But don’t you see, my love, if they are both dead…” She sounded unsure how to say what she wanted to say. “It means that, as the only male left in the family, you are now Lord Ashton.”

Oh Lord, she was right. How had Jane not thought of that?

How ironic. The previous summer Christopher had been told the title he’d thought was his all his life had been taken away by an older, legitimate son of his father’s no one had known about.

The revelation had been a shock and had almost ruined his and Sian’s life.

And now, it seemed he was going to be Lord Ashton again.

It was quite a reversal in fortune, but Christopher didn’t seem particularly happy to hear the news.

It was as if, now that he was married to Sian and about to be a father, he had everything he wanted, anyway.

She could understand the feeling. Indeed, the love of a good person was all one needed to be happy.

He walked over to the window, bracketing the sides with two powerful arms while he absorbed the enormity of the revelation. Jane stole a glance at Sian, who appeared nervous herself. What would her husband decide? Would they have to go back to England?

Hand in hand, the two sisters waited.

“We will travel to Throckmorton,” Christopher announced after a while, turning back to face them. “But only to tell the lady I won’t reside there ever again. I have a home and a family in Wales now. Why would I return to a place where I was so lonely and unhappy?”

Jane’s heart melted when he walked over to Sian, placed a hand over her stomach and smiled. Yes, she could get used to this new side of the man…

“What about Lady Ashton?” she asked. The woman shouldn’t have to pay for her husband’s villainy. “What will happen to her?”

“She’s welcome to stay, but arrangements will have to be made. That is why it’s simpler if I go in person.” Christopher frowned, looking at his wife. “Unless you don’t feel well enough to travel, my love? I don’t want you to suffer when there is no need.”

Sian let out a giggle. “I only found out this week I was with child. I don’t think I should take to my bed just yet, do you?”

Her husband was not impressed by the teasing. “Sometimes women feel unwell at the start of their pregnancies.”

“I know, but thankfully, I do not feel any different than usual. I will be fine.”

“I will accompany you, if I may,” Jane declared, standing up. “Though Father has already sent a missive to them to explain my sudden disappearance, Uncle Matthew and Aunt Branwen will be reassured to see me safe and sound. And I want to see the new baby, who should be born soon.”

These were only convenient excuses. As she’d said, her uncle and aunt’s minds would have been put at rest by the message sent the day of her arrival in the cart, but this was an opportunity not to let pass.

She would ask Griffin if he wanted to travel with their retinue.

Since he’d decided to go to England anyway, he would have no reason to refuse.

That way she would ensure herself more time in his company and maybe find a moment to talk to him away from her father’s formidable presence.

She could only hope it would be enough to convince Griffin that they could not throw away what they had started to build together.