Page 32 of A Legacy of Stars (The Lost God Legacies)

32

TEDDY

S tella and Teddy rode back into Olney just before sunset on the sixth day of the memory challenge. They went directly to the arena, where a small crowd was gathered to await the nightly showing of memories.

Teddy had expected that the priestesses would need to summon Endros, but the god was seated in his place of honor, waiting for them when they rode into the arena.

Out of the corner of his eye, Teddy watched Stella. She was looking at her parents in the royal booth. Cecilia was pale and very poorly hiding her relief.

Teddy couldn’t bear to look at his father. He’d been so focused on putting one foot in front of the other, in completing this task so he could move on to the next one, that he’d hardly had a moment to process the memory he’d been given.

Xander had raised him with the knowledge that being king meant making impossible choices for the sake of the kingdom. Teddy had always thought he was speaking about the personal relationships his role had cost him. Now, Teddy knew that it was so much more.

It was looking into the eyes of the person most dear to you and saying that you couldn’t save them. Back then it had been Cecilia, but only months ago the king had done the same with Isla, and Teddy had been cruel about it.

He’d never felt so young, foolish, and uncertain if he had the strength to do the same. His entire life, he’d sacrificed his personal happiness to be the symbol his kingdom had needed. But it was one thing to surrender his own well-being and another to sacrifice someone he loved.

Teddy didn’t know how the king had done it, or how he seemed so publicly at peace with it now.

Stella glanced at the booth again, and the reality hit Teddy like a gut punch. She wasn’t just looking for her parents. She was looking for Arden, and Arden wasn’t there. Only King Marcos sat stoically in the booth, his wary gaze fixed on the gamemaker’s dais.

Endros stood and clapped his hands slowly as Teddy and Stella dismounted their horses. “Excellent work. We weren’t sure we would be seeing you two after reports from your fellow competitors had you wounded and lost in river rapids,” Endros said.

Teddy had been looking for Rett and his friends since they’d arrived at the arena, but they had probably already completed their task and could no longer attack competitors per the rules of the tournament.

Endros held out his hand. “I’ll take those memories now.”

Stella went rigid beside Teddy. The blank expression she’d worn while riding in had morphed into narrow-eyed anger. Her rage seared through their connection.

“Steady,” he whispered.

Stella’s gaze snapped to him, and Teddy could practically read her mind. Endros had just made their parents relive their worst memories and share them with their children. Now he wanted the pleasure of enjoying them personally and sharing them with the entire audience.

She looked from the stands to the large white tarp at the far end of the arena. Raven Whitewind and the other witches who had created the Gauntlet stood beneath it. There must have been some magical mechanism for a witch to project the visual for the onlookers.

Stella looked ready to burn the tarp down.

Teddy loved her conviction, but he was afraid it was that stubbornness that would keep her from completing the challenge.

Endros smiled at her hesitation. “For my collection and for the good of our people, I find it’s good to occasionally reflect on the mistakes of other important figures in the kingdom so that I can learn not to make the same ones myself.”

Teddy turned to face Stella head-on. She looked so angry and so beautiful. “I’m choosing to believe my father wouldn’t have given this over if he didn’t think this was a possibility.”

“I can’t believe this,” she said in a hushed whisper. “He wants to keep them like little trophies. He has no right to their pain. He has caused them enough heartache already.”

“I know, but we don’t have a choice.”

“Don’t we?”

Teddy cocked his head to the side. “ Minyha , you know we don’t. You know the price if you don’t complete the task to the best of your ability. We made the same magic binding agreement to the Gauntlet Games. It’s one thing if you’re too wounded to complete the Games, but you’re standing here with the task completed. If you don’t forfeit the memory stone, you’ll forfeit your life instead.”

Stella looked away. Gods, she was stubborn. Perhaps Teddy would be too if he had seen what she’d seen. He had only the implication, but she had lived it and felt her mother’s pain. He didn’t blame her for not wanting that to be entertainment for a heartless god and a bunch of ghoulish onlookers.

“If you won’t do it for you, will you do it for your mother?” Teddy asked. “She looks like she’s about to climb out of the box and jump down here.”

Stella huffed a laugh. “I bet she’s planning all the ways she would kill him again.”

Teddy smiled sadly. “She’ll have to get in line.”

Without another word, Stella walked up to the raised dais where Endros was waiting and plopped the stone into his hand. Teddy followed suit.

“Very well. Stella McKay and Theodore Savero, you have completed the memory challenge. Congratulations and enjoy some much-earned rest,” Endros said.

A smattering of applause broke out in the crowd.

“And do be careful with those Sons of Endros causing havoc. I want to see both of you in the final challenge in two days’ time,” Endros said.

Stella nodded curtly and returned to Shark. Teddy followed and mounted Poker. They rode together to the stables, gathering their bags and leaving the horses with the stable hands.

Teddy paused outside of the stables. Stella looked weary but still lovely in the last dregs of daylight. He searched for what to say after all they’d endured on their short quest.

She’d saved him, and he’d saved her back. He’d seen her elated, grief-stricken, angry, sexy, and vulnerable. Nothing felt weighty enough to capture that.

Stella smiled and kissed him on the cheek. “It doesn’t have to mean anything, Teddy. You were just trying to hold me together when I needed it, and I’m grateful for that. I’ll be fine.”

It was like a door slamming closed in his face. The subtext was loud. I don’t need you.

She didn’t, and Teddy liked that she didn’t—but he hated it just as much.

When they were close, the bond felt like a powerful connection, but now it seemed the barest of threads stitching them to each other. He’d been a comfort for her in a dark moment, and that was all. It wasn’t like Teddy to be so sentimental about it.

The sex was incredible—he’d never felt so connected to someone else—but it went far beyond that. He didn’t know how to be casual when he knew her so much better.

Now they were home, though, and the escapism was no longer necessary. She would go running back to Arden, who was entirely unworthy of her, because that was what she’d fought for .

Teddy would go back to trying to win the Gauntlet Games, but he had no clue what favor he’d even ask for. He’d started off fighting for the freedom to marry who he wished, but he wasn’t sure what he wanted anymore.

For now, he just needed to face his father and apologize.

“I should walk you back.” He sounded so pathetically eager to spend just five more minutes with her.

Fortunately, Stella didn’t seem to mind. She just fell into step beside him.

He wished he had anything clever to say, but all their passion had been spoiled by reality. Maybe Stella was right. They had just helped each other through a difficult time and now they could go back to the way things were before.

Except Teddy was fighting a whole new set of impulses. He could barely keep himself from leaning into her as they walked, from shoving her up against the garden gate to kiss her senseless one more time.

Stella paused just inside the McKay Estate garden and Teddy hovered awkwardly beside her.

She glanced at the house. Her father was waiting at the back door.

“Thank you for walking me home,” she said. “Thank you for—everything.”

Teddy wasn’t sure how to say goodbye. He leaned in to hug her, then felt awkward doing that in front of her father, so it ended up being a sideways half-hug.

“Be safe,” she said. Then she ran to the back door and threw herself into her father’s arms.

Teddy turned and walked back to the castle, unable to shake the feeling that he was walking in the wrong direction.

The night was just beginning and already it felt too long. Teddy had bathed, stretched, and assembled his weapons for the final challenge, even though he still had days to prepare.

When he felt ready to climb the walls of the foreign castle, he finally left his room and walked down to the guest sitting room.

He wandered inside and helped himself to some whiskey as he stared out into the dark queen’s garden. Somewhere in the castle, Arden was doing something more important than waiting for Stella to arrive. And Stella would probably be up all night waiting for him to show. Did he have any idea what he had? Truly, Teddy could not imagine being so oblivious. What a fucking luxury.

He felt a strange aching loneliness that had nothing to do with the bond in his chest and everything to do with the fact that there wasn’t an infuriating wild woman beside him.

The sitting room door creaked open and the telltale static of his father’s magic crackled through the air. Teddy didn’t turn. He took a sip of his drink and waited. A moment later, Xander sat down in the chair opposite Teddy.

“Rough night?” Xander asked.

Teddy nodded. “Restless.”

“Ah. I’ve never been a very good sleeper myself. Worse since Isla left.”

Teddy had been careless when talking to his father about Isla before. Guilt lodged in his throat. “I’m sorry I doubted your decision to ask her to resign. I should have realized that’s not a decision you would have made lightly.”

His father studied him with practiced silence. Finally, he set his glass on the table beside him and began to spin it slowly. “None of my decisions are ever made lightly. It’s been many years since I was carefree. Not since the night of that memory.”

Teddy stared down at his boots. “I’m sorry you had to make a decision like that, even if you knew it didn’t matter. I felt—” Teddy took a deep breath and finally met his father’s gaze. “I felt how much it cost you to let her down. I’ve never seen a memory like that before, but I could hear your thoughts. I could feel everything you felt, and I understood for the first time how much you loved her. ”

Xander blew out a slow breath. “I know you have resented the pressure your mother and I have put on you. You’ve managed the weight of that responsibility admirably. You are the one who has to live with your decisions, so you must find a way to be at peace with them. King is a role you inherit, but what no one tells you when you’re growing up is that the moment you earn the title will be one of the worst of your life. Kings may ascend in calm, but they are forged in chaos. I’ve tried my level best to ensure that isn’t the case for you, and the thing that keeps me awake at night is that I might fail, anyway.”

The king took a long swig of his whiskey. “That is still one of the worst moments of my life. I pray it remains that way and that neither you nor your siblings know that or worse.”

Teddy bristled. “The moment Isla left wasn’t worse?”

His father shook his head. “There are things you see on the outside of a relationship and things you see on the inside. Don’t pretend to know how I feel or that you can understand anything other than the fact that I made a hard decision for our kingdom at great personal sacrifice.”

“And how did that turn out?” Teddy countered. He didn’t mean to be so curt. He was supposed to be apologizing, but he couldn’t stand being patronized.

Xander ran a hand through his hair. “I suppose we’ll find out soon at the rate this violence is escalating.” He watched his son over the rim of his glass as he took a sip. “Are you up this late because you’re worried about tomorrow?”

Teddy shrugged and rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. “In part.”

He thought of facing Stella in the arena. What if she got hurt? What if they were pitted against each other? What if he’d won the right to choose his future partner but had to remain connected to her forever? Would he feel her fall in love with someone else from a kingdom away?

“Oh, I know that face.” Xander barked out a laugh and shook his head. “I saw it in the mirror myself twenty-five years ago, when I met her mother. I know the ‘oh fuck’ face of realizing you are in love with the person you’re very much not supposed to be in love with.” His father studied him in his narrow-eyed, assessing way. His mouth softened into a smirk. “Does Stella know?”

Teddy’s mouth went dry. Could he really call this love? This incessant desire to go see her, to stand close to her just so he could feel the glow she gave off… It was so hard to tell what was the bond and what was his heart alone.

Stella was beautiful, clever, and fun. There was no denying that. But did he love her?

“Not sure I know,” Teddy said after a long silence.

His father laughed. “You know. Gods, it seems like you’ve inherited my timing.” He grinned widely.

Teddy rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. He remembered the way his mind had flashed to her when he was thrashing in the tub, trying to fight off the assassin.

His father studied him. “Not like you to be so lacking in composure or focus.”

“Not like me to fall in love with the most infuriating woman in the two kingdoms.”

Xander laughed. “Yes, well. It will keep you on your toes. I’m glad you found someone who is a better fit than Grace.”

Teddy stared at him. “You knew Grace was unhappy?”

His father shook his head. “No, I can’t take credit. It was your Uncle Evan. He sees all—knows all. You know how he is.”

Teddy slumped into his seat as the mortification settled in. “He could have just told me.”

“You needed to hear it from Grace. She can be a little more reserved about her feelings—more like Evan than Sylvie in that regard, at least.” Xander leaned over and clapped a hand on Teddy’s shoulder. “Look, it’s good to have something or someone to fight for, but you must know that Endros will test you with it in the final challenge. I hope you’re ready for that.”

“I’m certain I’m not. Stella saved me out there. I had a cord around my neck and all I could think was how to protect her. What an idiotic thought—” Teddy choked on the knot in his throat. He’d let one admission slip, and now it was as if every secret he’d ever kept was trying to claw its way out at once.

He’d been so worried about the tournament, but what if Stella was the thing he couldn’t survive?

His father offered a knowing smile. “She gives you hope. That’s a valuable thing at a time like this. Probably the most valuable thing. Dying is easy, Ted. It’s the living that’s hard.”

Teddy looked at his father and thought of the horrible memory that he’d needed to give back to Endros. “I’m sorry you had to relive that night.”

Xander swallowed and pursed his lips. “I’m sorry you had to see it.”

Teddy looked down, rolling the golden liquid around in the glass. “I shouldn’t have assumed that you make choices like that lightly.”

“He would have hurt Cece no matter what I did. The choice I made was to let her know I was willing to sacrifice her. She wanted me to?—”

“I know. You don’t have to explain?—”

His father held up a hand. “I do.” He cleared his throat. “Until that point, I was still sure there was a way I could get out of this role. I didn’t want the responsibility and gods know that I never had the temperament for it. Still don’t. But I’ve learned. But you are the best of your mother, thank the gods. And the best of Isla. And I like to think that you’re even the best of me, though I put that in third place because that’s absolutely where it belongs.”

Teddy smiled.

“You have your mother’s temperance and she is not so well mastered as you think,” Xander said with an affectionate smile. “Jess struggles with it still. She always has, but she learned, as you have, how to control it so that she could rule and make a difference. I like to think you have my sense of fortitude, to keep pushing no matter how others doubt you. But you have Isla’s sense of strategy and patience. She never knew when to quit on a lost cause—” He cleared his throat again. “Well, I suppose that’s not the case anymore. ”

Teddy winced. “That’s not true.”

His father grinned and winked. “No, it’s not.”

A knock on the door startled them. Xander rose to answer it.

Teddy crossed his arms, trying to compose himself. “Any advice? From one heir to another?”

His father paused with his hand on the doorknob and smiled sadly over his shoulder. “Don’t lose.”

He pulled the door open and Alexandra stormed in, her golden eyes narrowed on Teddy. She was wearing her leather armor, and her long hair was sweaty, strands that had slipped out of her braid stuck to the back of her neck as if she’d been training.

“Alexandra, to what do we owe the pleasure at this late hour?” their father asked.

She crossed the room and poured herself a glass of whiskey. “I need to speak to Teddy.” She sat down in the chair their father had vacated and glared at Teddy.

Xander arched a brow. “I’ll leave you to it, then.” He paused in the doorway. “Alexandra?”

“Yes, Papa?” she asked sweetly, not bothering to meet his eye.

“Be kind to your brother. He’s had a rough day and the next few will be worse,” Xander said. He closed the door and left his children alone.

“Hard challenge, brother? Finally meet your match?” Alexandra taunted.

“In more ways than one. This time two nights ago, I had an assassin’s garrote around my neck.”

She froze with her glass halfway to her lips. “How?”

“Caught me while I was bathing,” Teddy said.

Alexandra was quiet for a long moment as she sipped her whiskey. “I’ve always said you were a little too vain.”

He ran a hand through his hair. “Well, it hasn’t gotten me yet.” He shifted in his chair. “How did the competition look when they got back?”

Alexandra blew out a weary sigh as if it was a huge imposition, but she relented immediately. “Jeneva and Katerina looked a little weary, but no worse for the wear. Fionn Silver had some bumps and bruises—friend of yours, isn’t he?”

Teddy glared at her. “Hardly.”

Alexandra smiled. “Well, he had a pretty good wound on his side and his fancy armor was shredded.” She paused. “Dixon looked fine, but Christophe was half-fried. I could tell that was your handiwork from the lightning burn and the fact that he had a tremor in his hands. Drew had burns all over his left arm. I assume that was Stella. And the Roach had a limp from a wound in his leg that hadn’t fully healed.”

Teddy nodded.

“You should have seen our parents when that group wandered in.” Alexandra whistled. “I thought Cece was going to climb out of the booth and throttle them. Would have liked to see it, honestly. The waiting was awful for everyone.”

Teddy swallowed his guilt. He counted off the competitors in his head. “So Tristas Dahlien and Remington Patrico died out there. Do they know how?”

Alexandra sighed. “Rett and his cronies were bragging about taking them out. But?—”

Teddy leaned in. “But?”

“But Cato’s network said that both men were found behind the stables at the Muddled Mind. They said they had been poisoned.”

Teddy leaned back in his chair. “You think it was Jeneva and Katerina.”

She nodded, giving him a moment to absorb the information. She took another long sip. “Now, if you’re satisfied with my report, I just want to know one thing.” She set her glass down on the table and leaned toward him. “Why did you have Stella make me forget I was going to enter the tournament?”

Teddy froze with his glass halfway to his mouth. He’d almost forgotten that her remembering was a possibility, but now her anger made sense.

“Because I couldn’t worry about you and her. ”

Alexandra looked ready to lunge at him. “You wouldn’t have needed to worry about me.”

“Of course I would have.”

She glared at him as he continued.

“It’s not a marker of your skill. You’d be an easy way to get to me and I am an easy way to get to Stella.” Teddy ran a hand through his hair. “I could not abide that kind of chain reaction in the middle of the dumbest decision I’ve made in my life. If it makes you feel any better, even if I win the third challenge, it will be the most miserable win of my life.”

Alexandra rolled her eyes. “Why?”

“Because even the heir can’t have it all, Alex.”

His sister appraised him warily, and when she seemed to assess that he was indeed as pathetic as he seemed, she slumped back in her chair.

“I wanted the chance to prove myself, and you robbed me of it. I can’t believe you would do that when you know how hard I’ve been trying.” Her voice was tight in a way that unnerved him. As far as he knew, Alexandra hadn’t cried since she was a child. “I don’t see why Jalen should get to lead the Argarian military when I have trained under Isla almost as long.”

Teddy sighed. This again . “You know why.”

“Because I’m a woman?”

“Because you are young and impulsive and lack the experience or composure to lead,” Teddy said. “I don’t say that to hurt you. I say it because I love you dearly and it’s my job as your brother to tell you things that are hard to hear privately, so I never have to publicly. You know I respect you as a fighter and a leader, but you are untested and young and the men don’t trust you.”

Alexandra looked away, the white-knuckle grip on her glass the only sign of her displeasure.

“Also, you fuck around too much and too obviously. I know that the men do as well, but the standards are not the same.” He held up his hand before she could protest. “I’m not saying it’s right, but it’s true. If you want to be a leader, you have to first prove you can master yourself, Alex.”

She slammed her glass down on the table beside her. “And how am I supposed to learn to do that when you’re coddling me?” She shook her head. “I need to get the fuck away from this whole family. You all do this. Mother with her dresses. Juliana with her invitations to tea that are actually just set-ups with available lords. Jalen and his military missions that are just pointless tasks to keep me out of his hair. I’m tired of being smothered. I’m a grown woman and if you won’t all treat me like it, I will find a way to make you.”

“Don’t do anything rash, Alex.”

She arched a brow. “Like what?”

Teddy truly could not imagine, but he knew the look in her eyes. It was the same one she wore every time she was working on some devious and terrible plan. She would pay him back or find a way to redeem herself.

When she was little, it was easy to manage those impulses, but now that she was grown, he couldn’t contain her. Especially with Isla gone.

Alexandra got to her feet and walked across the sitting room with purpose, pausing at the door to glare at him one more time. “By the way, Nathan could probably use some consoling if and when you stop feeling so sorry for yourself. Rumor has it that Rosie McKay very publicly shot him down while you were gone,” she said.

“You’re a fucking menace, Alex.”

A smirk passed over her lips. “I know.” She ducked out of the room.

Teddy wasn’t stupid enough to believe this was the end of her anger. Alexandra had a temper, but she was a strategist at heart and understood how to choose the ideal moment for maximum drama.

He had his own feelings to contend with and a tournament to win—he couldn’t also prepare for whatever chaos Alexandra was about to unleash.