Page 74 of A Kiss From Death (Oath of Vengeance #1)

“ L et me help you,” Hade says softly next to me.

I’m fumbling with my bodysuit, trying to rip it from my skin but failing miserably. My arms feel lead filled as I try to get my blood-soaked clothes as far away from me as possible. Each wet piece touching me feels like a brand of sin against my cold flesh.

My arms fall for the fourth time before I give up and let Hade take over for me. He gently drags the zipper farther down my chest, slipping one arm out at a time for me. Kneeling, he slowly drags the suit down my torso, revealing my black lace undergarments beneath.

His touch is soft, respectful and precise. Skillfully, he drags the material down each leg, bunching it as he goes, and then slips each foot out until I’m barely covered before him. My eyes are zoned out on the wall in front of me, shock holding a firm grip over my body.

A soft touch to the side of my head breaks my trancelike state. Blinking a few times, I turn my neck to look at Hade prodding my head for injuries. Pain registers where he presses, but I remain still, letting it consume me. I use it as a reminder that I’m still alive.

“You have a nasty laceration on the side of your head, and between the bruising on your ribs and your shallow breathing, I assume you could have a broken rib or two,” he says while looking me over.

“I’ve already called for a healer, and they should be here soon.

Let’s get you cleaned up before they get here. ”

Scooping me up, he walks me to the ensuite washroom and gently plops me down in the bath already full of steaming and bubbly water. It’s only now I register he brought me to his room and not my own.

I zone out as he washes my body, scrubbing all the blood and dirt from my skin. Unfortunately, no amount of scrubbing could clean my soul of today’s events. I relax back, letting him take care of me while my mind swirls like a vortex of survival and disgust.

Two wet hands grip my cheeks, dragging my face up to look at him.

His scar glows in the dim lighting, and my eyes trace the jagged white line through his glowing eye from his temple across to his nose.

I yearn to drag my finger across it, my pain calling to his, but I remain relaxed as I take him and all his lethal beauty in.

“Jade’s death is not on your hands. She chose to enter this game, and fate finally caught up to her.” He gently presses a kiss to my forehead, so at odds with his serious tone. “Do you understand me?” he whispers against my flesh.

I nod slowly in response before Jade’s lifeless eyes flicker back in my memory, making me tense in his hold.

“I keep seeing her face every time I close my eyes,” I admit defeatedly.

“I see my dagger in the side of her neck and then her lifeless eyes staring back at me.” I choke the words.

“I know I should be happy I beat her. I know she would have enjoyed seeing the light leave my eyes. But no matter how many times I try to remind myself of those things, I can’t shake the uncomfortable feeling just beneath my skin.

I cannot scrub away the blood I can no longer see on my skin but still feel all the same. ”

“That is your humanity, love,” he says with a soft smile.

He reaches forward, placing his palm on my skin just over my heart.

“It may feel like a curse to harbor a bleeding heart, but to me, it just proves how nothing in this world could ever compare to the beauty you radiate.” Stroking his thumb across my flesh, he adds, “I fear too much time around you will eventually make me go blind from the radiance you exuberate.”

My breath hitches in my throat at his unguarded words. I mull them over in my head, committing them to memory and easing my heart slightly.

I look up at him as he continues to wash me of my sins. “How come you don’t call me nightmare anymore?”

Smiling down at me with the most genuine smile I’ve ever seen from him, he responds, “Because you’re more of a dream now.”

Hade finished washing me just before the healer arrived.

Trina, the healer who worked on me before, quickly mended my head and ribs with her magic while Hade watched.

Of course Hade would order one of the best healers in Lunaria to tend to my wounds.

It seems this man has no bounds or limits when it comes to me.

After finishing, Trina ordered me to take it easy for a couple days but informed me I should be good as new thanks to her magic. I can’t imagine the things she’s seen and had to heal. It must feel good to have magic that can make such a difference.

My thoughts wander to all the possibilities of the magic I could possess if I win the Crucible. I honestly haven’t taken a second to even think about the possibility of wielding magic. My sole focus has been on getting through each day at a time.

The thought of that leaves an uncomfortable feeling under my skin as I look over at Hade in conversation with Trina.

He knows nothing of the reason I entered myself in the Crucible, and to my surprise, he’s never asked.

It feels wrong to keep my motives to myself at this point, and if I can truly trust him with my secret like I think I can, then maybe he can help me.

Hade escorts Trina out his door then strides back to me while I stand next to his floating bed in one of his oversized t-shirts, nervously spinning my thumbs. Brushing past me, he pulls back his sheets and gestures for me to get in.

“You can sleep here tonight,” he says, patting the bed behind me. I jump in without hesitation, sinking into the abundance of giant fluffy pillows against the headboard. “I’ll just be right over there in my chair if you need anything,” he says before swiveling on his heels.

I quickly reach out, snagging his wrist before he can walk away. “Stay with me,” I whisper, an invitation floating between us. He just nods, dragging my hand up to place a soft kiss to my knuckles.

The floating bed dips slightly, bouncing softly after he slides in on the other side.

There’s almost a full person’s length between us in his giant bed.

Slowly, I inch closer to him, seeking out his warmth and comfort.

Before I realize how far I’ve scooted, I’m nuzzled up against him.

He happily scoops me under his arm and draws me into his warm body.

Melting into him, I tentatively rest my hand on his bare chest, lazily tracing circles on his skin. Chewing my lip, I finally gather my nerves to speak.

“I have to get something off my chest,” I admit.

“It would be my honor to burden the weight for you, dream,” he responds without hesitation. His hand connects with mine on his chest, weaving our fingers together like they yearned to touch me. His thumb lazily strokes the soft skin on top of my hand.

“How come you’ve never asked me why I entered the Crucible?” I ask softly .

He hums to himself and then answers honestly. “It is none of my business, and I figured when you were ready to tell me, you would. I will never pressure you to tell me things you aren’t ready to share, Nyxi.”

My heart swells in my chest, the warmth spreading throughout my body like a blanket until it reaches the tips of my toes and fingers. I hum to myself happily at his response and then carry on.

“I guess I’m ready to tell you.” I respond in a sure tone.

“I’m all ears,” he replies and gives me a quick, reassuring squeeze.

“Theo,” I blurt, trying to decide exactly how to inform Hade of everything. He remains quiet, allowing me to sort through my thoughts. If I were a boat freely floating about a choppy ocean, Hade would be my anchor, allowing me to find solid ground and stability.

“When he died,” I continue, “I made a promise to myself that I would do anything to extract my revenge. I feel so guilty for not being there to protect him when he most needed it after years of him protecting me.”

Hade nods in understanding, a story written behind his eyes of similar pain and guilt, two souls forged from pain seeing eye to eye in familiarity.

“Rouge Necroshrieks are known to plague the skies of Vagrant Sector frequently. They mostly just like to taunt and scare us, but sometimes, they liked to take a life or two of stray drunks or abandoned children.” Choking on my words, I continue with pain laced in each word, painting them into existence.

“I’ve never seen such violence and destruction from one of them, not like what occurred that day. The day Theo died,” I say defeatedly.

I spot Hade’s jaw hardening through my watery eyes as I fight to keep my tears from spilling down my face.

“It was pure chaos. Shattered windows. People screaming and running for their lives. Kids getting trampled by the masses. Gore and madness every turn I took. It was sickening, and deep down in my gut, I knew something was wrong. I raced home as fast as I could, but it wasn’t enough.”

Pausing to catch my breath and calm my heart, I finally say the words aloud.

“I found him dead and unrecognizably battered, sitting in our house, clutching a pail of purple paint he had been out fetching for me. I’d been begging him for so long to paint the house a pathetically bright purple, just to see if he would agree.

I made a promise that day to myself: I would do everything in my power to make it up here and get justice for what happened to him. ”

Sobs finally take over, letting my tears run free and purging my heartache out with them.

Guilt vibrates through my body as I’m taken back to that day.

The what ifs circle my mind like a never-ending tornado.

If he hadn’t been out getting the paint I begged of him daily, would he still be alive?

If I had not lounged about my work that day and had gotten home sooner, could I have saved him?

The unknown is one of the most dangerous drugs in existence. Its addictive quality sinks its fangs far under your skin, becoming a permanent limb for eternity. It eats away at someone until they are left hollow, down to just their bones.

The unknown is a sickness, the only disease in the world with no a cure. It’s mind numbing and life altering, and it takes and takes until it drives someone to insanity.

The unknown was my undoing .

It changed me chemically and spit me out something completely different.

“I am so sorry, Nyxi,” Hade says sincerely, pulling me from my swirling thoughts. He leans up on his elbow so he can look down at me with his full, undivided attention.

“What happened that day is unacceptable, and I’m ashamed it occurred under my watch without my knowledge.

” Resting his hand on my cheek, he pleads, “You have my word that I will personally speak with every Vanquisher under my guard and make sure they know an attack on any sector will be punishable by death. And once you win this competition, I will help you find who’s responsible, and you will get the justice that’s due. ”

My lip trembles at his promise, a small whimper escaping my throat with all the emotions racking my body. I may not have been able to save Theo, but by talking to Hade, I may have just saved someone else’s Theo.

His death was not for nothing. My sweet Theo, always saving others, even in death.

“Thank you,” I whisper, pushing my cheek further into his warm palm. A tear slowly falls down my cheek, but Hade scoops it up with his finger, wiping it away and all the pain that came with it.

Hade, the man I never knew I needed but quickly learned I couldn’t live without. He’s no longer Hade to me. No, now, he’s my home .

I ponder one last thought and decide now is the time to ask. “Are you bonded to a Necroshriek?” I ask him hesitantly.

He nibbles his lip, lost in thought before settling on his words. “I am…or was. My bonded is retired, so to speak. We are still connected, but I have not tugged on that thread in a long time. My Necroshriek grew unwell in her head, and I thought it was best to relinquish her of her duty.”

He speaks so intimately about the beast, as if they have thoughts and feelings. I’m curious to ask more, but exhaustion is coming for me with a tight grip as I let out a loud yawn.

Wiping the last of my tears away, Hade settles back into bed next to me and draws me into his embrace, making sure every inch of his skin makes contact with mine, letting me know he’s here with me, like always .

I feared after losing Theo, no other soul would ever truly know me. I think Hade understood me from the second we laid eyes on each other. Not every fact about me, but the essence of what makes me, me.

The pain. The heartache. The need to fight for survival every single day to keep the darkness at bay.

Two of the same, separated by air alone.

Hade feels like looking into a mirror and seeing your reflection staring back at you. Every piece of darkness reflected in the same places. Every scar perfectly depicted. Every flaw laid bare before my eyes like a badge instead of dishonor.

I like me when I’m around him.

I feel seen .

“Have you ever heard the term eternals ?” I ask the last question sitting in the back of my brain since reading about it for the first time.

It’s been like a nagging feeling constantly sitting on my shoulders.

I’ve never heard of such a thing in Fallout, but we know little about Lunaria and the Magicals who live here.

His face goes unnaturally pale for the briefest second, but then he clears his throat and gives me an unconvincing smile.

“Yes,” he responds quietly.

“Do you believe in it?”

“Yes,” he replies quietly, lost in his beautiful head.

I think over his response, an abundance of questions flicking to the end of my tongue, but one outweighs the rest.

“Do you think you have an eternal out there somewhere?” I phrase the words hesitantly.

“Having an eternal is the greatest honor one could receive,” is all he says before tucking my head under his chin and pulling me closer. “Goodnight, dream .”