Page 58 of A Kiss From Death (Oath of Vengeance #1)

I hurl my body through my door, Hade following close behind.

Today’s events slam into me like a fist, and I finally break.

It’s all too much, leaving no more room in my head to fit another devastating blow.

Everything I’ve ignored finally comes crashing in like a tidal wave.

Theo, Hudson, and now Ray. When is it enough?

When will people stop being ripped from my grasp too soon?

When will my heart beat without it being excruciatingly painful?

My chest heaves, unable to draw air into my lungs as I suffocate on all the pain. Broken breaths rip from my mouth as a panic attack grips me. I bend over, trying to catch my breath, bracing my hand on the edge of my bed.

I feel like my skin is suffocating me, trapping me beneath a wall of black as a haze starts to dance in my eyes. The pain is drawing me under, and I feel content to let it swallow me whole so I may never have to feel anything ever again.

A warm hand lands on my back, slowly dragging up and down my spine. “Breathe for me, Nyxi,” he says in a strong yet defeated tone. “How can I help? What do you need?”

I go to open my mouth, but my breath lodges in my throat, making me gasp for air as the tears finally break through. The crack in my wall turns into a full blown break as tears flood through, finally set free. I’m hysterical and inconsolable, a pit of darkness with no light on the horizon.

“It’s too much,” I choke out through the tears. “It’s not fair,” I say on another sob, scrambling to catch my breath.

“Shhh, beautiful, I know.” He strokes my hair and draws me into his warm chest. “Right now, though, all I care about is you,” he whispers into my hair. “What normally calms you down?”

“The lake,” I heave between breaths. “Being under the night sky has always been calming,” I admit easily.

Memories of spending warm summer nights with Theo at the lake under the stars assaults me.

It always seemed to call to me, to draw away the darkness that liked to sweep in at times.

Theo always saw when the walls started to cave in on me.

He would whisk me away to the lake until the darkness turned into belly laughs and memories that are ingrained in my brain forever.

Thinking back to some of my favorite memories, my breathing evens out the slightest so I’m able to catch my breath. Emboldened by my emotions, I decided to share a little chunk of myself with the man who seems to have taken over the role of my anchor.

“I used to visit there with someone special to me, and all my favorite memories reside there,” I admit as warmth envelops my heart.

“Theo?” Hade asks softy.

My heart lurches. I drag my face up, my red rimmed eyes meeting his soft ying yang ones. He looks at peace but also curious.

“How do you know that?” I ask—how does he know Theo? I certainly have never talked about it with him .

He gives me a casual smile and brushes the wet hair slicked to my face by tears off my cheeks.

“The night I fixed up your ear,” he begins.

“You passed out on me, and when I went to tuck you in, you called me Theo.” There’s no venom or anger in his tone.

If anything, he seems content, like he’s getting to know a piece of me that came before him.

I nod—there’s no point in denying what he already knows. “Theo would take me to the lake so we could sit under the stars and feel free, alive.”

“Do you love him?” he questions while looking between my eyes with a softness I didn’t know the Cardinal could possess. He seems to surprise me at every turn when it comes to me and me only.

“I did. Very much,” I whisper. “Now, there’s a wall of stars between our love.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that,” Hade says against my temple, and I lean into his embrace, soaking in his words. “There is no void deeper than the crater love leaves behind in someone’s heart.”

He speaks as if he knows firsthand the catastrophic damage the absence of love can wreak on a soul.

It brings up a slew of questions in me, but I shove them down, not wanting to add more fuel to the fire.

Maybe another time, we can dig up our pasts.

Right now, all I want to do is let go and not feel a thing.

I manage a nod as the last tear slowly falls down my cheek, my reserves all dried up.

Hade scoops the lone tear with his finger, dragging it up and off my face.

His thumb returns to my cheek in a sweeping motion, back and forth, as he smiles down at me.

I could die happy in this moment, his smile a siren calling me home.

“C’mon, let’s go,” he whispers. Striding over to my armoire, he snags a fresh shirt and pants to replace my bodysuit then scoops me up, drawing me close so I’m nuzzled into his chest. I look up at him with confusion, and he lets out a soft, content sigh. “Let’s go feel alive and free. ”

His magic wraps around us like a warm blanket, and its familiarity is a welcome comfort tonight. A phantom gust of wind swings the stained glass window in my bedroom open, letting in fresh air. Hade’s magic floats us out the window into the open sky.

The sun is slowly making its descent, getting ready to dip behind the towering buildings in the heart of the city.

Warm hues of pinks and oranges take over the once-clear blue sky, making a halo over the city.

It’s breathtaking, and I picture it’s Theo’s way of saying hello, his contagious personality personified through cotton candy clouds and golden rays.

“It’s stunning,” I say, more to myself than to Hade.

“I couldn’t agree more,” he breathes. I turn back to face him, only to find him staring intently at my face, and my body instantly breaks out in chills.

His magic carries us over the busy city, Magicals milling about with their families and friends, heading to taverns for the night’s festivities.

It’s amazing to see the way the citizens all move like one body of flowing water.

Children run about the streets, laughing and playing, while their parents shop the vendors lining the cobblestone.

It’s peaceful and unlike anything I’ve ever witnessed.

The thrum of magic can be felt from every corner, even from above. It’s the heartbeat of the city, keeping it alive and running. We near the edge of Lunaria, and I spot where the ground turns to nothing, a giant drop off just beyond my view. Hade looks down, shooting me a playful smirk.

“Ready?” he says excitedly.

Fisting his shirt, I respond, “I’m ready to feel alive.”

Hade lets out a deep, satisfied growl then tightens his arms protectively around me. “Try not to shatter my eardrums,” is the only warning I get before he releases his magic from around us and we start to free fall over the edge of Lunaria.

I let out a loud shriek, caught off guard by this man once again.

I should have known this was in my future, seeing as I asked him to make me feel alive.

This wasn’t exactly what I had in mind, but what I do know, with certain clarity in this moment, is that I wholeheartedly trust this man with my life.

We freefall, wrapped in each other’s embrace, and the world melts away. My stomach flips, and adrenaline fills my veins as we fall through the sky without a care in the world. Life stops around us, the sky a blur, my eyes only focusing on one thing.

Hade’s eyes are locked on mine, and my ability to breathe vanishes again. He’s looking at me in awe, like I’m the only thing to exist in this world besides himself. I feel the click of the metal lock around my heart come apart at the same time I do.

Hade is death and life all the same. He is as deadly as the creatures that plague my nightmares and a lifeline to hold onto at the same time. He is my remedy to surviving life. He is the air that fills my lungs. He is the reason I want my heart to never stop beating.

He is the fate to the rest of my existence.

The rope tethering me to him pulls taught, finally at its limit since the first time I laid eyes on him.

There was no avoiding this, avoiding him .

His very being is etched into my skin like a prophecy from the gods.

He chipped my darkness away until I was left in my rawest form in front of him, and he reveled in it.

This moment feels like a change of tides, destiny rearranging the stars to paint a portrait of us. It rewires my brain until all I can see is the light shining through the storm that has plagued my life.

The loudest laugh bubbles up my throat, vibrating from deep in my chest. It’s raw and real and everything I have not been for a very long time. It’s my way of letting life in and rising above it on the other side. It’s freeing and tastes like taking control instead of letting it suffocate me.

I throw my arms out wide and tip my head back, letting out a loud whoop of joy, like a child experiencing a core memory for the first time. I laugh and scream as the crippling emotions slither from the depths of my soul, purging them to the abyss .

Hade’s deep, warm chuckle washes over my skin, urging me on. I can feel his gaze burning my skin like a brand, and I bask in it. My back tingles right between my shoulder blades as a warm rush of energy skitters over my body, zapping me to life.

The world rushes by, but all I see is him .

We are locked in a stand still, eyes unblinking and smiles taking up the entirety of our faces. His magic lashes out, wrapping us in darkness right at the last second, dragging us to an abrupt halt right before we touch the ground.

“That was extraordinary,” I say, trying to catch my breath.

He looks at me with the most intense stare. “Yeah, extraordinary, Nyxi,” he whispers, looking back and forth between my eyes.

My breathing picks up and my heart skitters a beat. He gently sets me back on my feet as an idea slams into my head.

“We need to make one stop before we head to the lake,” I tell Hade, and he agrees immediately, ready to grant me anything I desire.

I ask Hade to float us over to Visionary Sector, and he gets us there in minutes. He plops us down in the center of Harmony Hills, surrounded by a tall field of wildflowers in every color. Each flower glows in the golden light of the dying sun. It’s one of the most majestic sights I’ve ever seen.

Hade watches me as I start to spin, my arms stretched out wide, letting the warm sun dance over my skin.

I take off in a gallop, letting the tops of flowers drag over my fingertips as I weave in and out of rows.

I hear Hade let out a satisfied groan, then the sound of his feet pounding the ground behind me.

He catches up to me quickly, and I can’t stop the childish giggle that takes over my body.

I feel large arms wrap around me from behind as he picks me up and spins us in circles.

His foot catches on a rock and sends us toppling backwards.

He cradles me to his chest as he takes the impact of the harsh ground.

I laugh hysterically, twisting in his arms until my chest is pressed against his, with him sprawled on the ground below me.

He shines me a toothy grin as flowers make a crown of colors around him. I reach forward and flick his nose playfully.

“Help me pick some flowers,” I say sweetly and then peel my body from his. We spend the next ten minutes picking until our hands are too full to hold another.

I inform Hade we will be walking back to the lake instead of floating there, and he easily hums in agreement.

We spend the entire walk to the lake, leaving behind a trail of flowers, painting the city a rainbow of colors.

Everywhere I look, I see a piece of Ray, and it brings a smile to my face.

There’s not an inch left untouched by color and life.

I see her bright pink hair in the astilbes, her glowing yellow eyes in the daffodils, her warm freckles in the pansies, and her rosy cheeks in the cherry blossoms we leave behind. I force the world to see her in all her glory so they may never forget the beautiful soul she was.

The memory of her takes over my body, and my heart speaks freely, the song forming without thought. My voice carries a soft warmth as I let the memory of Rayah free into the world, dropping flowers along the way.

“There once was a little girl born from the sun,

Her hair so bright, it could rival anyone.

She sang to her own tune, unafraid to stand out.

Her soul a living drum, vivid and stout.

A beautiful soul, a beautiful child.

A field of flowers grown in divinity.

She weathered the toughest battles alone.

Emerging a warrior, standing tall she rose.

She taught the world being different is okay ,

A rainbow destined for breaking through the fray.

A beautiful soul, a beautiful child.

A field of flowers grown in divinity.”

Hade’s hand finds mine as my voice carries with the wind, emotion spilling from me. My voice is the only thing to be heard around us, the citizens all stopping their activities, ensnared by the story of a girl named Ray.

I belt the last line as we near the lake’s edge, dragging it out until my lungs have nothing left to give.

A haunting silence takes its place as the first drop of water falls from the sky, as if it’s weeping in response.

A downpour erupts, drenching us in seconds, the warmth of summer still clinging to our skin.

Hade takes my face in his hands, tipping it up to look at him. I see the faintest watery glaze over his eyes, but it’s most likely from the rain. He smiles at me, his dimple making an appearance, and my heart flutters.

“Dance with me?” he breathes, and I let out a loud laugh as he draws me close. We dance to the melody of the rain falling around us like there will be no tomorrow.

For now, there’s only us and this moment.