Page 50
Story: A Horde of Handsome Gentlemen a Flock of Fine Feathered Ladies and a Bevy of Matchmaking Mamas
On Tuesday Mrs. Bennet had seen Mr. Collins attach himself to Jane as they walked down the drive.
It did not surprise her that he was set upon wasting his time despite her efforts to spare him from disappointment.
But she very much disliked seeing that her sweetest daughter was the one who must suffer his attentions.
Jane was the one least capable of repelling them. But hopefully Lizzy would lend a hand.
Apparently that was the case because Mr. Collins appeared to have given up any thought of marrying Jane by the time that the party returned.
Unfortunately Lizzy’s efforts seem to have resulted in him transferring his affections to her.
He had much to say about his plan for remaining at her side throughout the party to which Mrs. Philips had invited them.
Although Mrs. Bennet was still quite miffed with her sister for having precipitated her downfall, she allowed her daughters to keep this engagement.
They couldn’t come to much harm at their aunt’s home.
But when they returned, she had no interest in hearing Mr. Collins praise her sister’s hospitality, which he was much too eager to do.
While he was talking, and she wasn’t paying attention, Mrs. Bennet dozed off, and thus had no idea how the evening had gone.
But at breakfast the next morning, she perceived that Lizzy’s obstinacy had been put to good use, for Mr. Collins appeared quite disinterested in her.
Unfortunately, by mid-morning it became evident that he had switched his interest to Mary.
A couple of months ago, this would have been concerning.
The old Mary would probably have accepted his offer.
Of course, the old Mrs. Bennet would not have thought that a bad thing. But the new one was happy to think that Mary’s steadfast aversion to marriage might even flummox such an insistent suitor as Mr. Collins.
She made an excellent start at repelling him by speaking at length of detesting flattery in all its forms. Compliments were the absolute worst, and she proudly declared herself incapable of employing them.
Unsurprisingly, Mr. Collins failed to get the point.
It was his opinion that Mary only lacked a proper understanding of the art, and sufficient experience at paying compliments where they were due.
He had no doubt that she would find herself capable of rising to the occasion upon meeting such an illustrious personage as Lady Catherine de Bourgh.
“No, I wouldn’t,” Mary declared. “I have a great dislike of people who think themselves illustrious, and I am far more likely to give them my blunt opinion of their faults than to offer compliments. Indeed, it is generally considered that Lord Northam, who used to live at Netherfield, left the neighbourhood to get away from me.”
Mr. Collins looked horrified. He was probably imagining Lady Catherine deserting Rosings and leaving him without invitations to drink tea or make up the numbers at her card tables.
Hopefully no one would tell him that Lord Northam had actually deserted Netherfield after marrying his way into a much larger estate.
Mary was out of consideration. Judging by Mr. Collins so far having proceeded in age order, this meant that Kitty’s turn was next.
And considering the swiftness of his ability to change course, it was likely to begin before supper.
Assuming that she could be as adept at repelling Mr. Collins as her sisters had been, then that would leave him with only Lydia, who could probably manage to be rude enough that he would have to take notice.
By tomorrow morning, or dinnertime at the latest, Mrs. Bennet could be nudging him in the direction of Charlotte Lucas, who would be glad of this opportunity for getting herself comfortably settled.
Although Mrs. Bennet had chosen to respect her daughters’ wishes, she completely understood Charlotte’s practical views on marriage.
And since Mr. Collins must look elsewhere for a wife and future mistress of Longbourn, it was preferable for that person to be a friend. And above all else, not a Peacock.
Mrs. Bennet felt a smidgen of regret for all that might have been. But she took Kitty aside to advise her that she must try to be as difficult as Lizzy and Mary. The poor girl did not look up to the task, but promised to do her best to rise to the occasion.
It was not long before Kitty’s wits were also tested.
In the middle of informing her mother that she was going out, Lydia suddenly queried, “Why do we not have any invitations upon the mantelpiece?”
“We don’t have any,” Mrs. Bennet replied. “Hardly surprising. There isn’t anyone left who hasn’t already given a party.”
“But what about the Netherfield ball? Everyone was talking about it in Meryton the other day. The entire regiment has been invited. The Peacocks have received their invitation, and the Cranes, and the Kings. Where is ours?”
With all her worries about having lost Mr. Bingley’s friendship, Mrs. Bennet had forgotten all about the ball he had been planning. But now she comprehended that her family had been excluded. She had indeed ruined Jane’s happiness.
Her daughters were looking puzzled, and she did not know how to tell them that they were all going to be the mockery of the neighbourhood. And it was her fault.
But Mr. Collins had obviously failed to grasp the point that they had no invitation. He launched into a speech concerning Lady Catherine’s approval of private balls, and his own opinion that they were a very respectable activity for young people.
“I look forward to standing up with all my cousins,” he declared, assuming their attendance at this event.
“I take this opportunity to solicit your hand, Miss Kitty, for the first two dances. I trust that my cousins Jane, Elizabeth, and Mary will attribute this preference to the right cause and not to any disrespect toward them.”
While Mrs. Bennet was wondering how to explain to Mr. Collins, and more importantly to her daughters, that they weren’t going to the ball, Kitty said, “I thank you for the honour, but I am already engaged for the first two dances.”
Clever girl! She was as adept as her sisters at disposing of unwanted suitors.
But Mr. Collins appeared not to comprehend that he was unwanted. “That is unfortunate, but I am very willing to settle for the second set.”
“I am engaged for those dances as well.”
Before Mr. Collins could suggest the third, and Kitty could invent yet another partner, and Mrs. Bennet could find her way to explaining that this was all irrelevant, there was a knock at the door.
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