Page 45 of A Gaze So Longing (The Fall of Livenza #1)
Knowing that, despite their emerging closeness, Rodrigo had not shared every detail of his past with Leonardo was reassuring. The two might have established a degree of trust in recent weeks, but it was not yet enough for Rodrigo to make himself entirely vulnerable, the same way Favian couldn’t.
Nia squeezed Rodrigo’s hand when he said, “That’s not important right now.”
Torn between the urge to learn more about this boy with a past so unlike his own and the familiarity with the anguish of being pressured to share something he didn’t want to, Favian decided to leave it be for now.
Instead, he went a different route. “And you were friends with Dinha?”
Rodrigo lay his head to the side. “You could say that. The social lines aren’t as strict in Abijata, and most children living in the palace interacted with one another at some point, whether they were royal or not.
There was a lot of coming and going. My mother was a delegate in parliament, so Dinha and I often played together while they were in session.
She has always been like a big sister to me. ”
While Favian was still processing the words, Rodrigo added.
“How do you think I knew about the ball? The invites had gone out long before they told us, which I assume they did this time, too. Dinha sends me letters whenever Abijata learns something new about or receives relevant correspondence from Livenza.”
One more difference between Livenza and Abijata, it seemed: Abijatan servants were taught how to read.
“I wonder why she didn’t inform you this time,” Leonardo pondered, but Rodrigo shook his head.
“I’m certain she tried, but if the invite to this ball came later than that to the first one she was invited to, it might not have been enough time to send an envoy back here to inform us before the official decree.
There is also always a chance that something happened on the road, or that the envoy got sick. ”
This appeared to satisfy Leonardo. The prince’s fingers danced on his braid as he seemed to contemplate Rodrigo’s words.
“Alright,” Favian said, pulling together his last bit of energy.
“So let me get this straight: You propose that we ask the princess of another kingdom, a kingdom Livenza spent years trying to occupy, to conquer, a kingdom that, based on everything you have said, is the much better place to live than this one, to marry Leonardo, but only in appearance, so the two of them can move to the summer castle and build their own little counter-society, which will just be another council with Leonardo at its head, and you think she might agree just because you asked nicely and she might be bored with her life. How does that help any of us stuck here? What then?”
The glimmer in Rodrigo’s eyes told Favian everything he needed to know about the boy’s intentions.
“Then, we plan a revolution.”
The preparations for the ball were plenty.
Once again, the mere two weeks to arrange for the event resulted in a constant state of stress and corridors crowded with hectic bodies at any given time.
Despite his injured foot, Favian somehow managed to get through the days working at the stables alone.
He was lucky enough not to catch an infection, but the constant pressure wouldn’t allow the wound to heal properly, as every day of changing the bandages showed.
He kept the pain to himself. Nia and Rodrigo, for the most part, kept each other composed and collected, and there was no need to disrupt their relative calm. Leonardo had become quieter, often appearing lost in thought or in one of the books he devoured.
They had settled on laying low until the first steps of their plan could be executed, which meant no more nightly trips to the tavern, no visits to wings they weren’t expected in, and no lingering.
Leonardo came by the stables every day during the following week, same as he had been doing for months, but their moments were brief, imperceptible touches exchanged behind closed gates when the prince picked up Azure and returned her to the barn.
There was no time to talk, to explore this newly transpiring dynamic between them, to continue what they had started in Leonardo’s bedchamber.
Even if time had not been the issue, Favian suspected that the situation at hand would likely have stifled any further development in their relationship either way.
Relationship.
Favian thought about their encounter frequently, touching himself almost every day.
It was one of few activities that would keep both his body and mind occupied when he was by himself.
Still, on most nights, he would eventually be interrupted by thoughts of the future, pulling himself right out of the fantasy and pushing him back into reality.
Leonardo had agreed to the strategy for now.
He would court Dinha, take her aside, and lead her to Rodrigo to pitch their plan.
The boy seemed convinced she would agree, but Favian wasn’t so sure.
He didn’t see how, much less why, the princess of the kingdom against which Leonardo had spent five years fighting would agree to marry him, especially if she had a good life in a system that benefited her, and supportive parents on top of that.
Logically, he understood why Leonardo had agreed, but the understanding would not reach his heart.
The knowledge that the prince was willing to leave Favian for the chance of making life better for many others was exactly what he should have wanted, yet there was no denying that it hurt.
Nevertheless, it was the only plan they had, and Favian would be damned if he didn’t at least try to place his trust in Rodrigo.
They did not receive word from Dinha.
On the night before the ball, Favian was already preparing for bed when he noticed Nia hadn’t even begun changing yet, her clothes lying beside her. He wanted to ask, but didn’t know how.
“Nia?” was the only word that left his mouth.
“I’ll be spending tonight with Rodrigo,” she said as if reading his mind. Before Favian could reply, she continued. “His roommate is making some more purchases in town and won’t be back until tomorrow morning. Rodrigo is going to pick me up when he’s done for the day.”
A single whispered word. “Oh.”
Were it up to Favian, he would have asked her to stay, worried not for her safety but for his own. He knew it was a selfish thought, and so it didn’t leave his mouth. He couldn’t remember the last time he had spent a night alone, and if he was being honest with himself, the idea scared him.
It wasn’t so much the emptiness of the room as it was the darkness it allowed to roam in his mind that was worrying.
Nia was studying him, looking for a reaction.
“Alright,” Favian said. And, despite the foul taste on his tongue, “Have fun.”
She gave him a smile and opened her mouth, a certain twinkle in her eyes, but her attempt to reply was cut short by Rodrigo’s firm knock.
“I’ll take my things with me and see you at breakfast, alright? I’m sure you’ll enjoy the night without me.”
“Alright,” Favian repeated instead of disagreeing.
Another smile, then Nia disappeared, and Favian was left alone in their room.
For a while, he stared at the wall, breathing hard to keep worry from overtaking him. He figured his best chance to get through this night was to keep busy until he tired, but he could not summon the energy to do anything but change the bandages on his foot.
He removed his shoe and sock, then the wraps.
Examined the wound. The cut was no longer deep, but it still discharged pus every time he was on his feet for long periods at once—which he was every day.
Favian carefully dabbed a bit of his mother’s salve on the wound, praying that it would remain free of infection, then he cloaked it in a clean scrap of fabric before leaning back and fixing his eyes on the empty ceiling above him.
Eventually, he managed to get up and reach for his nightly chemise.
Just when Favian’s hands were about to pull his tunic over his head, a knock came at the door.
He hurried towards it and tore it open, expecting a disheveled Nia, a distraught Rodrigo, or perhaps both.
Instead, he was met with heaps and leagues of fabric.
He recognized Leonardo’s shape underneath the ridiculously large coat and stepped aside so the prince could enter.
“What are you doing here?” he asked, all irritation, all anxiety. Was Leonardo in the middle of one of his moments ? Did Favian need to calm him? Would he be able to do that right now, with his mind in such a state of weariness ?
But Leonardo pulled the hood away from his head, revealing the messiest shock of hair Favian had ever seen on the prince, and smiled. It almost made Favian laugh, but the impulse didn’t reach his throat.
“Did something happen? Are you alright?”
“Nia informed me her bed would be empty this evening,” Leonardo replied, mischief glinting in his eye. “I thought I could perhaps. . .stay the night?”
Favian was taken aback. “Oh.”
The expression on the prince’s face instantly shifted, concern furrowing his brows. “Unless you don’t want me to. I can leave if you’d rather be alone.”
Leonardo was already in the middle of rearranging the cloak on his head when Favian placed a hand on his arm and let out a sigh. “No, you can stay. I was just worried.”
The prince’s presence in the servant wing was a risk of its own, but the prospect of being alone was as good as insufferable, and so Favian’s heart had made a decision before the logical part of him could intercept. They had to be quiet, but it was a risk he was willing to take.
“I’m alright,” Leonardo said and grazed Favian’s cheek with a soft kiss that sent shivers down his spine, then removed the coat and dropped it onto Nia’s bed.
He was not wearing a doublet, no jewelry, only a ruffled shirt over the plainest pants Favian had ever seen on the prince inside the palace walls. “Shall we sit?”