Page 16 of A Gaze So Longing (The Fall of Livenza #1)

“So you defended him?” Nico asked, fingers drumming on the bed sheet. “Seems to me you care a great deal what people think about him.”

Nico had been sleeping soundly when Favian had returned, but his brother had awoken before him for once and was currently squatting right next to Favian’s bed, chin resting on top of his arms crossed on the mattress.

This was what Favian had woken up to: Nico’s face far too close to his own, eyes wide and filled to the brim with impatient excitement.

Favian groaned and buried his face in the pillow. “It doesn’t matter. Next time we’re not going to talk about His Highness.”

At that, Nico’s head perked up. “You’re going again?

Apparently, they were. It made no sense, not even to himself, but the words had come out of Favian’s mouth regardless.

He hadn’t shared how the night had ended; Nico remained oblivious to the anxiety that had overtaken him as a result of the interaction between Leonardo, himself, and the other patrons. It was unsurprising, then, that his brother was delighted at the prospect of another trip.

“I suppose,” Favian shrugged. “I think it’s good for His Highness to get out of the palace. And maybe it is good for me, too.”

“Yes, it is!” Nico got up and began changing into his day clothes. “I also think it’s good for you to reconnect, without this weird conviction of yours to keep talking to him like he’s your superior.”

“He is my superior.”

In a whirl, Nico was facing him again, index finger pointed at Favian.

“Yes, but isn’t he trying to make the best of it?

Hasn’t he told you, like, literally every day, to call him Leonardo ?

Hasn’t he arranged for the council meetings to resume just because he sees the way His Majesty treats you?

Doesn’t he come to the stables every damn day just to see you? ”

“He doesn’t—”

“Yes, he does, and you know it! You know how often Rodrigo leaves the barn so you two can be by yourselves? Gods, I think he would go feral if he couldn’t tell me about it.”

Now that Nico had brought it up, Favian realized how little he had seen Rodrigo these past two weeks, despite them sharing a place of work. “I never asked him to do that,” he said quietly.

Nico rolled his eyes. “You didn’t have to. He’s just attentive like that.”

“You like that about him, don’t you?”

“You’re deflecting.”

“And you’re blushing.”

Nico laughed then—giggled. “Yes, I like that about him. I like him. He’s. . . helping me through some stuff.”

This caught Favian off guard. For as long as he could remember, he had been the one Nico asked for support.

He had never been particularly good at providing it, though, so it shouldn’t have startled him that Nico approached someone else when he needed help.

Especially now that something was going on with Nico that he wouldn’t tell Favian about, something Favian still hadn’t asked about.

It shouldn’t have come as a surprise to him that Nico had taken to seeking comfort somewhere else. Still, it gave Favian pause.

His relationship with Nico had always been a constant, since long before Leonardo had been sent to war, even when they were children, back when their mother had been staying in the main building with them.

But now, something was changing. Rodrigo had made it clear to Favian that something was amiss, that he knew something about Nico that Favian did not.

“What kind of stuff?” he asked before he could help himself. He had intended for this conversation to be more gracious, structured.

Nico was avoiding his eyes now. “I’ll tell you eventually. Don’t you have someplace to be?”

Ouch.

His original intuition had been right, then—Nico really didn’t want to talk about whatever it was that Rodrigo had hinted at.

Talk to Favian about it, anyway.

They got ready quickly after that, the air between them tenser than it had been in a long time.

Favian wished he could ask his mother about it, hoped he could soon make time to visit her at the weaver’s hut.

Nico kept reminding Favian that she asked about him every time he visited her, and Favian was beginning to feel shame over neglecting the relationship.

Not only that, he missed her; her soft voice and caring hands had always been one of the few truly good things in his life.

He knew visiting her would be good for him, for both of them—yet, he could not seem to make the time, to use the moments of free time he had to make the way down to the hut.

Favian hoped that, at least, Nico’s visits were bringing their mother some joy.

In the afternoon, as Favian had expected, Leonardo visited him at the stable.

The council had convened again earlier today, so Favian had only readied Azure for her rider once lunch had concluded.

How the prince could look so refreshed after the council meeting on top of their short night, Favian didn’t understand.

“How are you feeling today?” Leonardo asked by way of greeting.

“I am alright, Your Highness.”

Maybe the prince believed him, maybe he didn’t. Either way, he didn’t press the subject. It soothed Favian, and it disgruntled him. It made no sense.

Before Favian could ask about the meeting, Leonardo offered his impressions.

“The council was rather boring, I must say. Most of the advisors do agree that my father should refrain from physical punishments, but they do so only because they think he might be risking an uprising if he doesn’t.

So I suppose my argument worked, but I’m unsure what this means for discipline moving forward. ”

Favian couldn’t reply right away, needing time to process the words. There would be no more corporal punishments. No more bruises, no more hands hitting him or Nico or any other members of the staff.

“Oh,” was all he managed to say.

“I already insisted that these meetings become a regular occurrence again,” the prince continued. “It looks like they will take place weekly from now on.”

When, after a few moments, Favian still hadn’t replied, still stuck on weekly council meetings , Leonardo changed the topic.

“Would you care to join me on a ride today?” he asked, the implications of advisors’ presence seemingly forgotten.

“I’m exhausted after the meeting, and it’s so beautiful out, and I thought you might enjoy some time away without anyone else around as well. ”

This was new.

In fact, it was old, very old.

“Thank Your Highness for the offer, but I am afraid my day is filled with work.”

They have had this conversation before. They have had it numerous times, actually, when they had been children and Leonardo had been constantly trying to convince Favian to drop whatever he was doing to slip away with him, go to the forest, play pranks on the lords and ladies visiting the palace, or simply lie in the sun.

It had been one such instance that had ended with them in that dark and dusty attic.

Leonardo looked him up and down.

“You deserve to take breaks.”

Do I also deserve to bear the consequences if I do?

Consequences that would, if the council were to be believed, truly no longer entail physical punishments. Maybe Nico had truly been the last person to be on the receiving end of His Majesty’s backhand. This would not mean, however, that Favian could do what he wanted now.

“I will make sure to take a break when my workload allows it, Your Highness.”

But Leonardo wouldn’t let him go this easily, it seemed. “Do you have any idea when that might be?”

Favian bit his lower lip. His mouth was faster than his mind. “I might visit the tavern again in a few days. Your Highness could join me, if he likes.”

At that, the prince’s eyes lit up. “Yes? I would love to, yes!” He made as if to hug Favian, but caught himself before their bodies touched.

Favian ignored the movement, staying as still as he had before. “Your Highness can meet me in the same place at the same time in four days.”

Favian would take Leonardo to the tavern again.

It made no sense, not even to himself; yet, he knew that trying to figure out the meaning behind the desire would only put him under even more mental pressure. Maybe he didn’t need to understand it to act on it.

He also knew that, to make those visits less stress-inducing, they would have to steer away from any discussion of the majesties and of Leonardo himself, too. It would be a challenge, no doubt.

The smile on Leonardo’s face was worth whatever risks they might be taking.

Their second trip to the tavern went significantly better than the first. Yannos wasn’t there, nor was Amina, and Levera was sitting with another group of patrons when they entered, so Favian and Leonardo sat by themselves, sipping their drinks in somewhat uneasy silence.

Their arms were almost touching—Favian could not stop focusing on their proximity, on the prince’s body in Favian’s own spares this time, on the way Leonardo’s limbs moved in clothes that Favian would soon feel on his skin again.

“Any people here tonight that you'd like to spend time with?” Leonardo asked, his fingers drumming on the bar.

Favian had already gotten the impression that he was boring the prince with his lack of conversational talent, and now, he felt reassured in the insufficiency of his presence.

He scanned the room, but aside from Levera, he only knew the other patrons fleetingly.

“I don’t think so,” he quietly replied, trying to keep the disappointment out of his voice.

Instead of continuing that line of conversation, however, Leonardo opened a new one. “Are there other games you could show me?”

Glad to have something he brought to the table to entertain the prince, Favian happily obliged the request for a match.