Page 54 of A Fire in Their Hearts

B ETWEEN US, TAMAR AND I clean up Drummond and get him back into his bed, a task which proves to be almost beyond us.

He doesn’t wake and during the night becomes quite delirious.

By the light of the next morning, I can see clearly that his skin is turning a more defined yellow and I begin to think that he will die like Alan.

What would happen to me if he did? His offer of freedom would die with him as he’s had no opportunity to put this in place with his lawyer, Greig.

On top of this, McKinnon would be let off his leash to punish me as he wishes and there would be nothing I could do to stop him until a new owner eventually arrives, and perhaps not even then.

The only option I have feels despicable to me, but I’ll do whatever I can to save Drummond, although it’s almost nothing.

His body is so hot it feels on fire and I sponge him down with tepid water.

I’ve opened all of the upstairs windows to try and get a draught, but the humid temperature has been unbearable for weeks.

When it rains, which it does once a day, it’s as though every angel in Heaven is crying.

He appears haunted by demons, calling out and shouting, crying in terror on occasions. I’m mopping his brow when he grabs my hand and won’t let go, even though I’m sure he isn’t conscious. His hold is so firm I can’t break it and I’m forced to sit on the bed by his side.

‘You’re in the grip of a fever,’ I say, not sure if the words make any sense to him, but feeling I have to say something.

I don’t know why. He’s a monster. ‘You’re in your own bed in the big house, and quite safe.

There are no devils after you. They’re just in your confused mind.

’ I almost scream when his eyes open and he looks at me.

‘Stay. Stay.’

‘All right, I’ll stay .?.?. I promise.’ That’s the second promise I’ve made. ‘I won’t leave you alone.’

With that he closes his eyes and lets go. I rub my hand, which feels as though it’s nearly been broken, then fetch spare blankets so that I can sleep in the armchair across from the bed over the coming nights, assuming he survives that long.

*?*?*

Four days and nights pass and I only leave the bedroom to relieve myself.

Tamar continues to bring me food and water, leaving plates and jugs at the door, but on occasions I have had to get her to help me, for Drummond is a heavy man and I can’t move him by myself.

I haven’t seen her this morning, which is unusual, and I’m just thinking of going downstairs to get water when Drummond’s voice startles me. I hadn’t realised he was conscious.

‘You stayed.’

‘Yes.’

‘Good.’

‘I said I would.’

‘Decent, Christian, Scottish woman.’

I walk over to stand by the bed. He looks more ill awake than he did asleep.

‘Brandy.’

‘Here.’ I have to help lift his head so that he can drink from the nearby glass.

‘Water!’

‘Yes, that’s all you’re getting until I say otherwise.’

He makes a dismissive sound that isn’t actually a word, or maybe it is but I don’t catch it. He stares at me in silence for a long while. ‘Where’s Tamar?’

‘She’s been keeping me fed and watered, although I haven’t seen her this morning, which is strange. I’ve not even heard her going around.’

‘Check that she’s all right.’

I find his concern surprising, but I’m pleased to get out of the room, if only to go downstairs.

I can’t find Tamar in any of the obvious rooms and calling her name doesn’t get a response.

It’s then that I spot her sitting on the steps leading down from the veranda.

I go out of the front door and take several large breaths of fresh air, which smells so different to the bedroom despite the open windows.

‘The master is awake. He seems to be recovering.’ I sit down beside her and it’s only then that I see the grief on her face. ‘Tamar! What’s wrong?’

‘It’s my mother, Violet .?.?. she’s dead.’

*?*?*

We bury Comar in the evening. How she knew the end was coming, I cannot know, but now I realise why she told me her real name. It was her last chance to do so and to get my promise to take care of her daughter. I keep my arm tightly around Tamar as we all stand about in silence.

The body that’s disappearing slowly before our eyes under spadefuls of earth held me tightly that terrible night, never once letting go.

This strange island has revealed the greatest cruelty, depravity, injustice and greed that I’ve ever heard of, yet I’ve seen the best of humanity where the most brutally used and hard-pressed of people have demonstrated the greatest kindness and generosity.

Tamar whimpers and I stroke her hair. ‘Shh, you’re not alone. You are much loved and I will do everything I can to keep you safe.’

I try to sound certain, but the reality is that there is little I can do to protect her.

Tamar is safe only because Drummond orders it, but when he dies I fear there will be such a hateful vengeance shown against this beautiful girl.

She knows it. The painful truth is that I have to do whatever I can to keep Drummond alive because if he dies, we’ll be in even more danger than we already are.

*?*?*

When Tamar and I return to the big house, I find Drummond sitting up in his bed.

He looks awful but no longer on the brink of death.

Although it’s difficult to be certain, particularly in the light of candles, his skin seems slightly less yellow and I can only assume that’s a sign of recovery.

I wish my father was here with his huge medical knowledge.

Instead, he lies in a trench alongside so many other Covenanters near Bothwell.

‘She’s buried?’ asks Drummond.

‘Yes.’

‘What about the others?’

‘There are three people still sick in the hut but no one else shows any signs.’

‘The worst is over?’

Five people have died with the same symptoms. I didn’t realise Comar was ill and she might have suffered from something different.

‘I believe so.’

‘Sit on the bed.’

I sit.

‘We spoke about you living in the house and handling the books for the estate.’

I don’t answer immediately. ‘Apart from what you’ve already offered, there’s one condition.’

‘You don’t make conditions.’

‘Keep Tamar in the house, keep her safe, and make her free as well.’

‘Why do you ask this?’

‘Because I gave my word to .?.?. Shoshana .?.?. to take care of Tamar and the truth is only you can do that.’

He studies me for a while. ‘I’m not like those owners who take their slave daughters to their bed.

A few of them hold some of the most lavish parties on the island and the great and good turn up to eat their food and drink their wine and not one person will openly criticise them for such unnatural behaviour. ’

I wonder that this is where he draws the line, after all he’s done. ‘Slaves are considered to be property, not people,’ I remind him, as he reminded us so often.

‘Slaves are property, Violet, but sleeping with your own daughter .?.?.’ He makes that sound. ‘Your face! I’ll keep Tamar safe. I’m exhausted.’

I hadn’t appreciated the huge effort he was making to speak. His head droops and moments later he’s asleep. I remain on the bed as I’ve nowhere to hurry to.

We’ve just buried my closest friend and now I have Tamar to care for. Then there’s Rory, one of the most decent and honourable men I’ve ever known. After Joseph, Calum and I escaped, Drummond added another year to Rory’s indenture because he suspected Rory had helped us.

I knew nothing of this until long after our capture, Joseph’s murder and my slow recovery from the experiences.

It was Tamar who told me. Rory never said anything, never openly blamed me.

Yet he’s not the man he was. I think something also broke in him because of those terrible events. I must remain strong for his sake.

So, I’ll continue to live in the big house, handle the books for the estate and try and keep Drummond in good health.

And God help me with that task. As I watch him snoring, his huge hairy hands resting on top of the sheet .

.?. hands that have so often defiled my body .

.?. I know I’ll never hate anyone so much in my life.