Page 45 of A Fire in Their Hearts

R ORY IS EXAGGERATING WHEN HE talks about the hurricanes that sweep across the island.

I think he’s just trying to put us off. Calum and I have often been out on the Scottish moors on a wild night, so this holds no fear for us.

Besides, the confusion created by a storm provides the best chance we’ll ever have of escaping successfully.

We’ll go with Joseph. It was Rory’s suggestion as he suspected Joseph was also intending to escape.

Rory has acted as the messenger between us so that no suspicion is created by conversations between people that might appear unusual.

It’s agreed that the three of us will head for the forest in the centre of the island during the next hurricane.

There is something Calum and I have not discussed.

It’s driven a wedge between us and whether we succeed or die in our attempt to get away it cannot be left unacknowledged any longer.

This evening I’ve insisted that the two of us sit away from everyone else.

I will have to be the one to speak of the dread that’s in my heart.

‘Calum, you and I have loved each other as brother and sister since childhood. We’ve grown up together, experienced unimaginable hurt and sorrow, yet have known love and loyalty beyond measure. We’ve always taken care of each other.’

If it is at all possible, my heart is breaking even more than it already has, but I take a deep breath and force the words out, because this is more important than any feelings of mine.

‘You know what Drummond has done to me. I don’t have the words to describe the utter horror and shame these visits instil. Nobody can imagine what it’s like to be raped and to know that this will continue with no end in sight.’

My throat is dry as sand. I don’t want it to be true.

‘Calum .?.?. you don’t have to imagine it .?.?. do you?’

He won’t look me in the eye.

‘Oh my darling boy.’ I try to take him in my arms.

He pulls away with a shout. ‘No, don’t! DON’T! I’m too dirty to be touched by you .?.?. by you or anyone.’

‘I didn’t understand that first day, when Rory warned you about Findlay.

It made no sense to me why only you should have been at risk.

It was only after Drummond raped me that I later saw in your eyes what I knew was in my own.

Then I began to wonder. You were always so beautiful, but I could never have thought . .?.’

The tears come now. A flood of them.

‘I’m not beautiful, Violet! I’m disgusting .?.?. dirty, filthy .?.?. no one, not even God wants me now.’

‘You have great courage, Calum, and I know Findlay must have threatened you terribly for you to have let him do this against your nature.’

‘He didn’t! He didn’t!’

‘What do you mean?’

‘He didn’t threaten to hurt me .?.?. he threatened to hurt you .

I would have fought him, Violet. Even if he’d had Hunter and McKinnon with him, I would have fought him.

The things he said would happen to you if I didn’t agree .

.?. I couldn’t risk it. He’s deranged. Even if I’d killed him and hanged for it, Hunter would have carried out his threats regardless of Drummond’s orders. ’

He drops his head in his hands, a broken man like those McKinnon didn’t want to buy on the Sophia .

‘I’ve let him use me in unnatural ways that go against the Scriptures and he’s destroyed me because of it.

Violet, I hope you and Joseph get away safely and that somehow, one day, you make it back to Scotland.

I’ll help you escape because I can’t continue here like this.

I’ll never see my wife or son again. I don’t want to live any more.

There’s nothing you can say that will change this . .?. nothing at all.’

And as I hear these words I know the man I held in my arms soon after he was born and helped to raise as a boy is speaking the truth. We must escape or die in the attempt.

*?*?*

Our chance comes sooner than we expect when, towards the end of July, the wind begins to increase steadily throughout the afternoon.

Everyone is brought in from the fields early.

Figures rush around, tying down objects with rope and stakes and locking up animals.

Drummond orders the shutters on the big house to be closed and bolted.

People grab food that can be eaten uncooked and make for the huts or their preferred hiding place if they feel safer there.

Several go to the stone-built boiling-house.

Only Rory knows of our plans and I go over them again in my mind as I stand outside the door of the women’s hut, watching. With every minute that passes there are fewer folk around.

‘The storms are frightening but it will likely be over by the morning,’ says Shoshana, who’s come to stand next to me.

‘Shoshana,’ I say, turning to face her. ‘I’m going to leave.’

‘Leave?’

‘I haven’t said anything before because it’s safer for you not to know. I’m escaping during the storm while there’s a lot of confusion. Don’t worry about me if I don’t come back.’

She shakes her head. ‘Violet, this is not a good idea. Almost nobody succeeds. You’ll be punished. Stay here.’

‘I can’t. You know why.’

‘It’s much worse for us.’

I nod in agreement, but it doesn’t change how I feel. ‘I know.’

‘You don’t know!’ says Shoshana, suddenly angry. ‘Not even now, Violet. One day you’ll have your freedom and walk away from this plantation, probably this island. I never will, nor will Tamar or her children if she has them.’

‘I’m sorry. You’re right, I’m weak. I can’t continue like this until that day of freedom comes.’ Tears roll down my cheeks. I’m so weak compared to her. ‘I have to take this chance.’

‘You can’t go by yourself?’

‘I’m not.’

Shoshana is silent for a long while, staring at me. ‘You’ve kept your secret close. Leave then, if you think the risk worth it. I hope others don’t suffer because of your decision.’

‘Thank you for what you’ve done for me. I can’t ever repay you.’

Our parting feels too brief .?.?. too sharp. We hug. I don’t want to let go and it’s Shoshana who soon pulls away.

‘The storm is getting worse. I’m going to fetch Tamar and go to the boiling-house. I hope we never meet again.’

When she walks away I’m shocked at the sense of loss.

The light is fading and as there’s almost no one going around, I leave.

In contrast to the wildness around me I move stealthily away, stopping now and again to glance nervously about.

There’s a strange smell of sulphur in the air.

About fifteen minutes later I reach the ditch in the fields that’s used as a latrine and hide a little distance away so that I can see anyone approach.

‘Violet.’

I almost scream at the voice behind me.

‘Joseph!’

‘I stayed out when everyone went in. People were too worried about the hurricane to notice I didn’t go back with them. There’s Calum.’

I look the way he’s pointing: Calum is moving as quickly as he can, the urgency in his step making his limp worse than usual.

‘The last chance for anyone to turn back,’ he says, upon reaching us.

There is no doubt in our faces as we look at each other. We set off north-west, Joseph leading as he knows the island much better. When we finally reach the edge of the Drummond plantation he halts.

‘We can’t keep going in the same direction and need to go around the border of the next plantation so there’s less chance of being seen.’

The wind is getting stronger and it’s increasingly more difficult to keep our balance, yet there is no stopping now.

When Joseph sets off, I follow next as Calum wants to know I’m keeping up.

For a while we’re forced to head east, following the edges of field upon field of sugar canes.

By the time we’re able to head north again, I can hardly move against the force of the wind and have to turn my head away to take a breath.

‘Rory was right,’ shouts Calum, holding my arm to steady me. ‘Scotland was never like this.’

Joseph comes back to us. ‘We can’t stop. There’s a cave, it’s known to slaves. We can shelter, but we have to reach it soon. This storm will get much worse.’

What he says is hard to believe .?.?. frightening to believe.

I nod. It’s soon apparent that Joseph would have been better by himself, for I can’t match his speed and I know he’s going slower than he needs to.

I’m so much lighter than the men that I’m blown over and get up only to stumble again soon after.

It doesn’t seem possible that air can have such a physical presence that it’s like a solid object, slapping me about my head as a preacher once did with a Bible.

I fall over again and Calum comes beside me. He shouts. I can’t hear him. He lifts me up and puts an arm firmly around my waist. I put my hand on his shoulder. Joseph is ahead, watching. He waits until we’ve caught up before setting off once more.

I’ve no idea where we are or what direction we’re going in, yet we stagger on, foot after foot, yard after yard.

The effort to breathe is unbelievable. It is as if the air is being sucked out of my body before it reaches my lungs.

Beside me Calum is weakening and when I lose my balance yet again I take him down with me.

We lie on the ground, gasping and so spent we can’t continue.

I lay my head on his chest and he wraps his arms around me. The storm seems further away now. Once before I thought I was going to die, lying in the field at Bothwell next to my father, and, like that time, I think it’s not a bad way to end your life, by the side of someone you love.

Suddenly I’m lifted to my feet. Joseph puts his arm firmly around my waist and holds out his other hand. When Calum is standing the three of us huddle together to hear better.

‘The cave’s close,’ shouts Joseph.