Page 32 of A Duchess Disciplined (Dukes of Dominance #1)

CHAPTER 31

W illiam began counting his days. It had been seven days since he had last seen Catherine. Eight days since she had last been in his study. Nine days since their last dance. As he entered the dining hall, he gazed mournfully at the place where his wife usually sat. She was always there at his right, his sisters seated further down.

Now, the place was empty. After his mother had died, William had often felt as though she haunted him still. Her presence was everywhere in the house. Now, it was Catherine, whose spirit seemed to occupy every corner, every piece of furniture, and every slice of sunlight that drifted through the windows and cast light upon the floors.

At his approach, Hannah and Hester straightened in their chairs and turned to him with eager eyes. “Are you going to join us for breakfast?” Hannah asked.

“I am,” he replied, taking his seat.

“It is good to have you eat with us,” Hester said.

William forced a smile. His mind wandered to Catherine, who had started their shared meals. Hannah and Hester doubtlessly knew that Catherine had left, but he did not know if his sisters were aware of why she had gone. Had Catherine even bid them farewell?

He took a sip of coffee, hoping that the strong drink would cut through the fog of his thoughts, which had descended upon him after Catherine left. William ate a spoonful of eggs next. He ate only because he knew that he must; he barely tasted the food at all.

“May we…ask a question?” Hannah asked hesitantly.

A sense of foreboding twisted in William’s gut. This question was not going to be a welcome one. “Of course,” he said. “What do you want to know?”

Hannah and Hester exchanged anxious glances, as if trying to silently determine who would be the one to make their query. After a heartbeat, Hannah took a deep breath and tipped her chin up. It was a gesture clearly mimicking Catherine’s mannerisms, and his heart clenched seeing it.

“We were wondering why Her Grace left,” Hannah said. “Hester and I have been talking about it, and we wondered if…if she might have left because…”

“Because of us!” Hester blurted out.

Horror swept over William and chilled him to the bone. “No, no! It is not your fault, not even a little bit! I made a mistake, and that is why Catherine had to leave.”

“What mistake?” Hannah asked.

“Can it be fixed?” Hester inquired.

“No,” William said. “I made the mistake of becoming close to Catherine. I cannot do that, so I had to put everything right. In doing so, I hurt Catherine. She needs some time away from the estate to think about everything.”

Hester furrowed her brow, and Hannah bit her lip. “Why can you not make it right?” Hannah asked.

“Why can you not love Her Grace?” Hester asked. “She is so beautiful and kind and gracious!”

“We are fond of her,” Hannah said. “We are close to her. Is that bad?”

“No,” William replied. “It is not bad that you like Catherine. Not at all!”

“Well, that is good,” Hester said, sounding uncertain.

Hannah nodded. “I…I miss her greatly. I have not felt close to anyone since Mother died. Not besides Catherine.”

Hester sniffed and delicately dabbed at her eyes. “And you,” she said. “I have felt closer to you since Her Grace came into our lives.”

William laughed, at a loss for words. The guilt might eat him alive. He stood slowly and leaned over the table, so he could ruffle his sisters’ hair. “You are both wonderful sisters. No man could possibly ask for better.”

He had never ruffled their hair before, and he delighted in how his sisters’ faces brightened. William took a deep breath and tried to force himself to be steady.

He needed Catherine. She had brought a light into this place, and now, that light was gone.

“Will she be back?” Hannah asked.

“Yes,” William said. “Catherine will not be away forever. She is staying with her family for just a few weeks. Then, she will return to us.”

“That is good,” Hester replied, sighing in relief.

“Yes,” William said.

A tremor of doubt shot like lightning through him. Take your time was what he had said to Catherine as she left. What if she did choose to take her time? What if she never returned at all?

“Are you certain that you cannot be close to her?” Hannah asked.

“Yes!” Hester exclaimed. “Why can we be close to her, but you cannot?”

William shook his head. “It is difficult to explain,” he said. “It is a matter between two married people and something that you will both understand when you are much older.”

“We can understand now!” Hester exclaimed, her eyes widening. “Please, tell us!”

“No,” William said. “But someday, I will tell you. I promise.”

“That is not fair,” Hannah huffed, crossing her arms.

“Nevertheless, it is a personal affair between a husband and wife,” William said, not wishing to burden his sisters with the truth. “Such a thing is not suitable for young ladies to hear. Now, I hope you both enjoy your breakfast. I fear that I have work to finish.”

“Will you join us for supper?” Hannah asked.

“Yes,” he replied. “And tea and dinner.”

Hester grinned. “We will expect you to be here. If we must always be proper ladies, you must be a proper gentleman, and everyone knows that a gentleman always keeps his word.”

“Of course.”

William smiled until he left the dining hall. Then, he hurried up the stairs, taking them two at a time. He was going to his study, once again. It was still his refuge, and he found that he missed Catherine’s unexpected appearances. An ache throbbed in his chest. Somehow, he had to convince her to come back to him.

He could not have even the smallest inkling of affection for Catherine. He could not endure losing another person. That was an undeniable truth. But…

Had he not lost her already? Catherine was no longer in his life. She was alive, but she was still gone. If he did not act, that distance between them would only grow, and she would become even further away from him. He had always resolved not to have any affection for anyone else, but did he not already bear some affection for her?

It was not love. William did not believe himself really capable of that. He did not even know if he would recognize love. But he knew that he cared greatly for her, and in the weeks following her absence, William had come no closer to making himself have any less affection for her.

He sighed and ran his hands through his hair. Catherine’s absence was driving him mad, and if he did not do something soon, he was going to scream. Somehow, he must persuade her to return.

For his sake and for that of his sisters.