Page 37 of A Dove To Break (The Dove Institute Collection #1)

Alania

“Thank you!” I say sweetly as I take the bag of food from the man.

“Have a good day,” he says with a nod.

I turn and walk outside with Fiona beside me. “I’m so hungry,” Fiona groans. “Think they’ll notice if I eat one?”

“I don’t think they will mind,” I laugh. We get to the car, and I notice right away that all of the tires are flat. “Fuck.”

I search my bag for my phone while Fiona puts the food in the car. I navigate my phone to get Adrian’s contact when Fiona gasps. “Alania!”

“Wha….” I turn around and come face-to-face with Edward.

“Hello, Alania,” he says with a smirk. “Not so confident without your husband, are you?” How’s your brother?”

“Fuck you,” I growl.

“You took your mother from me,” he says.

“She deserved better,” I snap.

“And what do you deserve, Alania?” he asks, cupping my cheek. I smack his hand away, and he rears back to slap me. His hit sends me to the ground.

“Alania!” Fiona yells.

“It’s fine,” I say. I can feel that my cheek is cut. When I touch the spot, I pull back to see blood on my fingertips. “He hits like a bitch anyway.”

I scream when he grabs me by the hair and drags me up to my knees. “Apologize. Now,” Edward growls. “Suck my cock like the good little whore I taught you to be, or you’ll regret it.”

“No,” I laugh. “Go fuck yourself.”

“Last chance, Alania,” he says, pulling a pistol from his waistband.

I’m tired of doing what I’m told. I don’t care if I die; I will never do as he says. I refuse. “No,” I say with a dark tone.

“Wrong choice,” he says.

Edward shoves me to the ground, and right as I go to sit up, a deafening blast stuns me.

I scream and fall to the concrete, curling myself up.

I don’t feel any pain besides where he slapped me in the face.

Maybe my body just hasn’t caught up to it yet.

I’m in shock. That’s what it is. What else could it be?

After a few seconds, I’m still not in pain. I hear Edward walk away, so I look up and find Fiona lying on the concrete. “Fiona,” I gasp as I crawl over to her. I am instantly stunned when I see her. There is so much blood.

“No,” I whisper. “No, Fiona. No.”

I whimper as I start crying. When I sit up, I pull her bloody and limp body into my lap so I can rock her. “Oh, Alania,” Reggie says as he kneels next to me.

“You have to be quiet,” I cry. “She's sleeping.”

“Alania, honey…”

“No!” I say firmly as more tears flood my cheek and I hold her tighter. “Please don’t take her from me. Please.”

“I’m going to call for help, okay? We need to get some help,” Reggie says gently. I nod and rock my best friend.

My only friend.

Why did he take her from me?

No.

She’s not gone.

Asleep.

She’s just sleeping.

I have to keep her safe.

Just until she wakes up.

She will wake up.

She has to.

Adrian will know what to do.

Brent too.

Raul will help.

She just needs to rest.

I can hear the voices around me, but I’m not ready for it to be real. Facing reality means facing that my best friend is missing half her skull. It means I am covered in her blood. Raul lost his wife. I lost the only real friend I’ve ever known.

“She’s in shock or something. She said she was sleeping,” I hear Reggie say behind me. I am humming and rocking Fiona, praying this is a dream.

“Alania,” Raul says, kneeling in front of me.

“You can’t wake her yet,” I whimper.

“I won’t. I do need to see her, though,” Raul says softly. “Can I see her?”

“Yeah,” I sniff. I loosen my grip to let her lie across my lap. Raul chokes on tears and cups the side of her face that isn’t mangled. “I’m sorry…”

“Alania, look at me,” Brent says, lifting my chin to look at him. His eyes are red-rimmed, and I can tell he’s been crying. Raul scoops Fiona out of my lap, and Brent stands and does the same with me.

“I killed her,” I whisper as I snuggle against his chest.

“No, baby. You didn’t kill her,” Brent says as he carries me. When he sits and I hear the sobs coming from Raul, I can feel my heart break all over again.

Two Days Later

I am curled up on the bed, praying that somehow my very full bladder stops hurting.

I’ve been avoiding getting up for a while now, but I don’t want to lay in my own piss.

I haven’t left this room since Brent laid me down after they washed Fiona’s blood off me.

I haven’t spoken, eaten, or looked at the guys.

There is always one of them with me, and right now it’s Raul.

Why he wants to be anywhere near me right now is beyond me.

I killed his wife. My best friend. Why didn’t I just say yes?

If I had said yes to him so many times, why didn’t I just shut up and do what he told me to do?

Fiona would be alive, and no one would be mourning.

“Alania, go to the bathroom,” Raul says as he leans down and kisses my cheek. I shove him away and get off the bed. It’s easier if I keep everyone at a distance because no one can get hurt. Really, I should just leave.

Would I get away? Would they be mad? Why would they? Fiona is dead, and now they’re stuck with me. Of course, they wouldn't care. It’s freedom and closure all in one.

I go to the bathroom and lock myself in.

I could cry at the relief I feel when I finally pee.

When I am done, I wash my hands. Before I leave, though, my eye catches a straight razor sitting next to the shaving cream.

None of the guys shaves their faces, so I know it’s been here for a while.

Although maybe it’s for cleaning up the edges. They are always so presentable.

I’m still staring at it.

Why?

I should walk away.

But I could also end it all right here.

Right now.

Two deep cuts from my inner wrist to the bend of my arm, and I’m done.

It’s all over, and they can move on. I pick it up and imagine what it would be like to slice myself open.

I have before, but not with intention. I fold the blade open and grip the handle, wanting to bleed.

I don’t know if I’ve ever wanted anything this badly before.

“Alania,” Raul says carefully from behind me.

“Go away,” I say flatly.

“I can’t do that, sweetheart. Give me the blade,” he says, stepping closer.

“Touch me and you’ll have two funerals to attend,” I growl.

“Alania, don’t make me do this, baby,” he says as he creeps closer. When he reaches out for me, I get as far as a few inches from my arm before he grabs my wrists, sending me into a spiral of emotion.

“Get off of me!” I scream.

“Adrian!” Raul calls out.

“Let me go! Goddamn it. Let me go,” I continue to scream, thrashing and kicking my heel back.

When I hear someone running toward us, I throw my head back in a panic, trying to get away.

Suddenly, it’s not Raul holding me, it’s Edward.

It’s Phillip. It’s Fredrico. It’s all the men who have ever hurt me, and I need to escape. I need to save myself.

“Get the fucking razor,” the man holding me barks.

Someone pries the knife out of my hand, and my arms are crossed over my chest. I am screaming at the top of my lungs, begging them to let me go. I don’t want to die. I’m so confused. I can’t break out of this fog, and it’s too heavy.

Somehow, I end up on the bed. Someone is hugging me tightly from behind, pinning my arms. His legs are wrapped around mine, and I can’t break free. I’m stuck. What will he do to me? Will I live?

“Baby, look at me. Alania. Baby. Look. Focus on my voice,” someone says. I blink at him, and it’s not registering. “Say my name, baby. Focus.”

And then it hits me. The rage turns to sorrow, and I crumble. My heart shattered yet again, and I’m exhausted. Tired of fighting. Tired of surviving while others suffer.

Brent doesn’t let go of my face. He lets me feel this, but doesn’t let me pull away. “I’m so sorry,” I cry. “I killed her. I should have…”

“Why did he shoot her, Alania?” Brent asks. “We haven’t heard what happened and have only seen surveillance. Why?”

“He told me to suck him off, and I said no,” I sniffle. “I should have…”

“You did not kill her, Alania. You hear me?” Brent says.

“But…”

“What would Fiona tell you?” he asks. “Hmm?”

“She would be proud of me for standing up for myself,” I whimper.

“Then do that, baby. For her. For you. Stand up for yourself and know that she fucking loved you, Alania. She wouldn’t want this for you. We all know that woman would not have let you lay in this bed.”

“I miss her,” I say, my voice breaking.

“I know, Nia. I know,” he says softly, but then his voice turns sinister. “He’s going to let you go, but if you ever threaten to hurt yourself again, I’ll kick your ass. Do you understand me? Don’t ever do that again.”

“I’m sorry,” I whisper.

“Don’t apologize, Alania,” Brent says. “What were you thinking?”

“That I am going to get you guys killed… Just like I did Fiona. You’d be better off…”

“Stop it,” Brent says firmly. “Now, I love you so damn much, Nia, but you know I won’t sugarcoat shit.

You are drowning yourself and making no effort to swim back to the surface.

If you sink, it will be because you gave up.

Fiona is dead. That’s a fact. Edward is alive, but he won’t be for much longer.

Okay? We will make this right, but if you drown, losing her will be for nothing. ”

“You can’t just guilt me into feeling better,” I sniff.

“Nia, I’m not telling you to suck it up. I’m telling you to get up. Don't let this take you down because then he wins. Why do you think he did it, baby? He wants to watch you crumble. You are a fucking fighter, Alania. Fucking fight,” Brent says.

“I don’t know how to stop being sad,” I whisper.

“Be sad, Alania. Let yourself feel this so that when we kill him, you can do it for her. For mom. For you. For all the people he has hurt. You get to fight for retribution, but you have to find your way back to the surface,” Brent says softly. “Don’t rush, but don’t lay here and give up. Okay?”

“Okay,” I whimper.

“Try and get some rest, Alania. Okay?”

“Okay,” I cry.

“What is it, sweetheart?”

“I don’t know why he doesn’t hate me,” I cry. “I killed his wife.”

Raul immediately releases his hold so he can roll me to face him. “You two talk. We will be downstairs,” Adrian says, leaning down and kissing Raul. He looks at me, and I’m trying to hide my smile. “Aht. Caught you smiling, Little Dove. Can’t hide from me.”

Adrian kisses me just as passionately, and I relax. “I love you,” I say softly. “I’m sorry, I’m a shit wife.”

“I love you too, you are not a shit wife, and I’m going to fuck you up later for that, but relax for now,” Adrian says, kissing me again.

“I love you, Nia,” Brent says as he kisses me next.

“I love you too,” I say with a sigh. “You better kiss him. His wife died.”

“Brat,” Brent laughs as he gently kisses Raul.

When they leave the room, Raul hugs me to his chest. Our breathing is in sync, and we are relaxed. After a while, I pull back enough to look at him. Before I can speak, he blurts out, “I love you.”

“Me?” I ask.

“You. I love you, Alania. Fiona knew I loved you. I’ve told the guys, and now I’m telling you,” he says.

“Losing Fiona hurts. I won’t lie and say I’m okay, because I’m not.

I am finding a bit of solace in knowing she didn’t feel anything.

She didn’t suffer, ya know? Fiona and I were in agreement that we were better as friends.

I care deeply about her… but the thought of losing you…

That fucking hurts. When we didn’t know which of you had been shot… Fuck, I’m an asshole.”

Raul rolls to his back and looks up at the ceiling. He is lost in thought, and I am trying to discern his feelings. “Why are you an asshole?” I ask.

“Because I am happy it was her and not you,” Raul says.

“It’s not that I don’t care that she died, because I do.

It broke my heart to see her like that… To hold her limp body and just know that it would be the last time…

Fiona’s death hurts, but I know I’ll survive.

Losing you, though… I wouldn’t survive that. ”

I roll and lay my head on his chest, wrapping my arm around him. He starts rubbing my back, but this isn’t what I want. I want to comfort him. I roll to my back but pull him with me. He moves with me and lays his head on my chest so I can wrap him in a hug.

It’s silent at first. His body trembles as I rub his back. He rolls more to wrap his arms around me, burying his face in my breasts. He’s trying to hide his pain, but I see it. I know it. I feel it with every breath he takes.

“I love you too, Raul,” I say softly.