Page 26 of A Dove To Break (The Dove Institute Collection #1)

Alania

I can’t get the memories out of my head.

Why can’t I just stop thinking about him?

The biggest fucking mistake I’ve made all day was opening that nightstand drawer, knowing there was a goddamn gun in there.

I knew I was teetering on the edge, but seeing it lying in that drawer sent me over the edge.

Now, I am pacing around the room, trying to get myself to stop thinking about Brent and put the fucking gun down.

He doesn’t want me, and I just need to learn how to accept that.

I love Adrian with all of my heart, and it’s not fair to him for me to be thinking about Brent.

I hear Adrian knocking on the door, calling out for me, but I can’t.

I can’t let him come in here and talk me down like I somehow deserve him.

I don’t deserve him. He deserves so much better than me.

Everyone does. I fuck everything up. Maybe I have been manipulating everyone unintentionally.

Is it still bad if I didn’t mean to hurt anyone?

I never should’ve called Dad out. If I didn’t do that, Brent never would’ve known what I did.

I wouldn’t have confused him, and he would never have come into that cage.

I pull the hammer back and scream when the door slams open. “Alania. Baby. Please don’t do this,” Adrian says softly. I have the revolver pressed to my temple, and I’m crying. I hate crying. I hate showing how weak I really am.

“Go away,” I cry. “Just let me go.”

“I can’t do that, Little Dove. I’ll never walk away. Brent…”

“He left me!” I yell. “I did that. I broke him. He doesn’t want me.”

“Yes, he does, baby. Brent loves you,” Adrian says pleadingly. “Please give me the gun.”

“I can’t want both of you!” I scream at him.

“Don’t you see? I ruin things. I break people.

You’ll leave me just like he did. I don’t want to know what it feels like to lose you.

I can’t do this anymore. I’m tired of hurting.

Everything hurts. You hurt m e. Every time you tell me you love me.

It fucking hurts. It’s a lie. You are lying! ”

“No, baby. I do love you. Please give me the gun. Please, Alania.”

“No!” I scream at him as tears fall down my face. I put my finger on the trigger, and his face goes white. “Go away! Just go. Leave me alone!”

“I won’t do that, baby. I’m not leaving you,” he says. “Brent is coming, okay? I told him what happened, and he’s coming to you.”

“Why would you do that?!” I scream at him. “He’s going to hate me! Fuck. I can’t…”

“He doesn’t, baby. He loves you. I promise, he does. He…”

“Stop lying!” I scream.

“Alania, please. I am begging you. Please give me the gun. I can help you, baby. I swear to God, I’ll…”

“Where was God in that shed?” I cry. “Where was he when I was being raped? Again! Where was God when I needed him? I prayed to him every goddamn night to take me away, but he didn’t. He didn’t care. No one cares!”

“Nia,” Brent says softly from the doorway.

“No,” I cry. He ignores that I still have the gun to my head and walks over to me. I panic and turn it to him. I am sobbing when he steps into it and presses his chest against the barrel.

“Pull the trigger, Nia, because I’m not living in this world without you,” Brent says softly. “You are my whole fucking world, so if you die, then so do I.”

“You left me,” I cry.

“I’m right here, sweetheart,” he says. “Let me make it up to you. Okay?”

“No. I can’t. I can’t do this,” I say, shaking my head. “I won’t choose you over Adrian. Or him over you. I’d rather die. I won’t pick. Why won’t you leave me alone?!”

“Mark was killed. Because of me,” I say tearfully. “You betrayed him… because of me.” He called him. He wanted me to die.

“Nothing you say will make me love you any less, Alania,” Brent says. “I’m sorry.”

“For…”

I start to ask what he is sorry for, but he suddenly grabs the barrel of the gun and rips it out of my hand.

I immediately try to hit him, but he grabs my wrists and pulls them behind my back so he can push me against the wall.

My sobs are like screams, and I’m begging him to just let me go.

To let me die. He doesn’t speak, and Adrian is quiet as well.

Over time, I go from screaming and crying to whimpering and sniffling.

When I stop fighting him, he scoops me into his arms and carries me to the bed.

He lays me down, but lies beside me so that he can pull me to his chest. Adrian lays behind me, and I am squished between them, silently crying.

They let me roll to my belly after a minute and move closer as they rub my back.

“What happened today?” Adrian asks softly.

“Uhm,” I sniff and roll to my back to look at the ceiling. “It’s going to make you sad.”

“Don’t worry about us,” Adrian says. “This is about you.”

“I just… I was sad about Brent. I went to that shed to hide so you couldn’t find me.

I didn’t want you to leave me, too, and you couldn’t if someone else got to me first…

I expected Fredrico to be the one to find me, but then Mark came in.

He tried to be helpful, but I didn’t want help.

I told him what happened in the cage, and he called Fredrico.

I told him he was an idiot if he thought that Fredrico wasn’t going to kill him.

I don’t know how I knew, but the second he walked in, he shot him.

Fredrico said, basically, that he enjoyed seeing everyone else understand what was happening, but not me.

He started raping me, but I was just so fucking numb that it didn’t faze me.

I just lay there. He kept going harder, but I didn’t react.

That’s when he started choking me. I realized fast that he was going to kill me and…

I just gave up. No one could leave me if I was dead.

I would never have to feel that loss again.

I thought if I was alive, I would hurt everyone around me.

It’s like all of the bad things that Dad…

Edward… said were true. I was so fucking angry when you saved me. I didn’t want to be alive.”

“Edward paid Fredrico to kill you during the Hunt,” Brent says. “My mistake was assuming Mark was true to his word.”

“He’d been working with Fredrico for a while, apparently,” I say.

“Yeah… I don’t even know what to say about that,” Brent says with a sigh.

“I had been pulling away from him for a while. Something felt off. Once he found out you knew about us, he was always asking questions about you. I thought maybe he had feelings, but something about it just made me uncomfortable. If it was simple feelings, that would be one thing, but it was just… creepy…”

“Why did you leave?” I ask him.

“Sit up,” Brent says, nudging me. When I do, he grabs my hips and pulls me over to straddle his lap. “You aren’t allowed to panic, because I am okay. Alright?”

“Okay,” I say, narrowing my eyes at him. Brent pulls up his shirt, and I see a bandage on his side. I gently touch the bandage before meeting his gaze. “Who hurt you?”

“Edward,” he says. When you two left the club last week, he showed up at my apartment when I got there.

He told me I was no son of his for choosing you.

I told him I was going to kill him for what he put you through.

And he just… shot me… I stumbled back and fell, but had the wherewithal not to get back up.

I was in pain, but I didn’t think it was bad.

I just laid there and covered the spot with my hand.

He said he’d tell you that I said goodbye when you were coming for him.

I wanted to fucking kill him, but I was so damn stunned.

When he left, I panicked. I packed my shit and ran.

It was just a graze, and glue closed it just fine, but…

the ‘what if’ tore me apart. I thought I was putting you in danger. ”

“You’re okay?” I ask, gently touching the bandage again.

“Yes, Nia. I am okay. It took me a second to get out of my head, but I’m okay. I’m sorry I abandoned you. I should have never done that. I caused you pain, and I’ll do anything to make that up to you.”

“You both lied to me,” I say. “What else do I not know?”

“My father used to run The Society,” Adrian says. “Your father is the one who runs things now after Charles tried to kill my father.”

“Charles?” I ask.

“Yeah,” Adrian says. “I thought he was a decent guy trying to support his son but not get killed… he was best friends with my dad… but now with Mark… I don’t know what to think.”

“You said tried,” I say to Adrian. “He’s alive?”

“Wait, you did,” Brent says, looking at Adrian.

“Yeah. He’s alive. It took eight surgeries and five years of physical therapy to learn how to function again, but he’s alive,” Adrian says. “He and my mom are on a private island that Raul’s family owns. They will be here tomorrow.”

“Oh, this will go over well,” Brent laughs.

“Mhmm,” Adrian smirks. “Tomorrow, the three of us are going to the council meeting. Brent, you, and I are going to claim our place as the new leaders.”

“Uh,” Brent laughs.

“You were being groomed to take over. I planned for it for my entire life,” Adrian says. “Dad being back will cause chaos.”

“What about Charles? He’s the face of it, is he not?” I ask.

“He will die for his son's mistakes. He was loyal to Mark, and I’m confident he will continue to be all of the way to his grave,” Adrian says. “Also… the only way Edward would have known that Brent was with you for that would be if Charles told him.”

“So… Charles was one of the eight…” I say. “He was the fourth. He told me the next guy was decent, then said it was Raul after that. He said he didn’t know who the seventh was.”

“Which means… how would he know then?” Brent asks.

“Ah fuck,” Adrian sighs. “A camera. There were fucking cameras, and you took his mask off.”

“Oh no,” I say. “Oh, that’s…”