Page 35 of A Dove To Break (The Dove Institute Collection #1)

Alania

I groan when gentle kisses pepper my face, neck, chest, arm, and back. I am on my side, and when I open my eyes, Adrian grins at me. “Morning, sunshine!”

“Mmm,” I groan again and close my eyes. “I passed out.”

“You sure did,” he says, cupping my cheek. Brent is behind me, sits up on his elbow, and I roll to my back.

“Is Raul okay?” I ask

“Why do you ask?” Adrian question.

“Because I panicked and he isn’t as much of a hard ass as he portrays himself as,” I say.

“He… is convinced that he hurt you. I was a little concerned he did, but Brent explained that you have a history of panicking so hard that you pass out. I understood, but Raul…”

“Isn’t as much of a hard ass as he portrays himself to be,” I say as I sit up and move to the end of the bed. I stand and go to the closet to throw on a sundress. When I come out, Adrian and Brent are out of bed and pulling jeans on.

“We’ll meet you down there,” Brent says as he kisses me. Adrian swoops in right behind him and kisses me next, making me smile.

“Alright. Now you two,” I say. They look at me, then each other, then me again. “Oh, come on. You’ll suck each other’s dicks and let the other butt fuck you, but you won’t kiss?”

Adrian looks at Brent, and I can see that he wants to–they both do–but fear is still present.

Brent smiles sweetly, recognizing his fear, and steps closer to cup his cheek.

Adrian’s eyes flutter closed, and he lets out a sigh.

When he opens them again, Brent is still looking at him with so much love and affection.

I don’t know where their relationship is emotionally, but I can see it in the way they look at each other that they are falling hard.

“Adrian, you have nothing to be scared of,” Brent says softly.

“The last man I let myself fall for died,” Adrian says quietly.

“I will happily go down in a blaze of fucking glory if it means I get to spend the rest of my days with you two,” Brent says. “You will not be the reason I die, Adrian.”

“I care too much about you, too…” Adrian starts to say, but Brent grabs his face and kisses him passionately.

They quickly are lost in lust as Adrian backs Brent up to the bed.

I quietly back up to the door so I can give the two of them privacy.

This is their moment, and I know they will feel obligated to bring me into it, but they deserve time to bond, too.

When I get down to the living room, Fiona smiles as she looks up from the couch. “Morning,” I say cheerfully.

“Hey, girl. Where are Adrian and Brent?”

“Bonding,” I say.

“Fucking.” she laughs.

“Uh. Bond-fucking,” I say with a grin. “Adrian just expressed some fears with Brent and their growing relationship, and things got spicy. I wanted them to bond without me around, so I came down here. Where is Raul?”

“Sulking in the office,” she says. “He thinks he hurt you.”

“Yeah, they told me about that,” I say. “Advice?”

“Easy. He is sitting on the couch in there, working on his tablet. Knock it out of his hands, pull his cock out, and ride him. If he hurt you and you were in any way blaming him for something, we all know you’d never do that,” she suggests.

“Sounds like topping him. I like it,” I laugh.

“Good luck!”

I smile at Fiona before turning and walking down the hall to the office. When I walk in, Raul looks up. “Alania,” he says softly. He drops his tablet beside him and goes to get up, but I push him back down.

“I hear that you didn’t handle me passing out well,” I say as I lean down and unzip his jeans.

“Alania, what are you…” He is about to ask, but stops talking and groans when I start stroking his cock. When I move to straddle his lap, his hands move to my waist.

“Raul,” I say sweetly. “You did nothing wrong. In fact, you did everything right.”

“You passed out and… Oh dear God in heaven,” Raul says when I slowly lower myself down on his cock. He stretches me wide, and I sigh at the feeling.

“You did nothing wrong, Raul,” I say as I slowly rock my hips. “Jesus, you feel good.”

I start to take him deeper, and he wraps his arms around my body to hug me to his chest. I bury my face in his neck and try to move faster, but I am trembling.

“What is it, pretty girl?” Raul says softly as he pulls me down on his cock and holds me in place. “You thought you could top me?”

“Yes,” I whimper. “Fuck, I love your cock.”

“Then tell me what you want. Be specific,” he says, pulling me back to hold my face.

“It makes me feel crazy,” I say quietly.

“No judgment, baby. I want us to know all your deep, dark fantasies,” he says.

“Us?” I ask. I go to turn, but he grabs my face and doesn’t let me.

“Focus on me,” he says. “You came in here to try and dominate me, but melted immediately. You are searching for something. What is it, love?”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…” I say as tears well up in my eyes. I try to pull away again, but he holds me tighter.

“Slow down,” he says. “Something is wrong. What is it?”

“She said she left the guys alone so they could bond,” Fiona says softly from behind us.

“Ah… I see,” Raul says. “Let’s start over, Alania.”

“I’m sorry,” I sniffle.

“You came in here because you wanted to reassure me that I didn’t hurt you, yes?”

“Yeah,” I confirm.

“Okay, so before you came here, you were with them. They started connecting, and you left,” Raul says, and I nod. “You came in here to try to reassure me and wanted to be dominant, but couldn’t.”

“Yes…”

“Say it, Alania. Something is bothering you,” he says.

“I wanted to make sure you still wanted me,” I say quietly. “I feel like I am on the outside of everyone…”

“Oh, Alania,” Raul says with a small smile.

“I just feel like… I don’t know. Like you all would be fine without me,” I say.

“How long have you felt like this?” he asks as he stands us up before turning me to face the others. He walks me forward to the table centered in the room before bending me so that my hands are on the edge.

“I’ve always thought I was replaceable,” I admit.

“You’re triggered,” he says. “What triggered this current feeling?”

“Seeing the way Adrian and Brent connected reminded me that I’m not needed,” I say quietly. “That didn’t do anything wrong, I just…”

“What is it then?” Raul asks, pushing my dress up.

“Everyone would be better off if I weren’t here,” I admit.

My entire body jerks when Raul touches my back, and he sighs. “You think you are in trouble?” Raul asks, and I just nod. “Let’s back up again… Are you upset at Adrian or Brent?”

“No,” I say.

“Are you upset at me?”

“Raul…” I say with a sigh.

“Ah. I thought so,” he says, standing me up and turning me to face him. “What did I do, Alania?”

“Nothing,” I snip. “Just forget it. I was just trying to help.”

I try to walk away, but when he grabs my wrist, something snaps in my head, and I turn around and shove him away. “Don’t fucking touch me,” I snap at him.

“Nia,” Brent says.

“No. She’s okay,” Raul says. He steps closer, and I am about to hit him when he suddenly grabs me by the throat and yanks me closer.

“What the fuck are you doing?!” Brent barks.

“Give him a second,” Adrian says quietly.

“Say it, Alania. If you are going to be mad, own it,” Raul says simply.

“No,” I growl. Raul gently kisses me before letting his hand drop.

“I’m sorry I upset you. I was too hard on you last night and…”

“Oh, shut the fuck up,” I snap back.

“Or what?” Raul asks simply. “What are you going to do?”

“Fuck you,” I scoff. “You can’t even pretend to be aggressive.”

“You are upset that I was worried about you?” he asks, raising an eyebrow.

“No, goddamn it,” I snap.

“Then what?”

“You didn’t trust me!” I scream at him. “You did all that, and didn’t even trust me to speak up if it was too much.

You assumed you hurt me, even though I never once fucking said you did.

I never said the safe word. I never gave you a reason to think you did anything, and you didn’t fucking trust me.

No one does. Everyone treats me like a fragile little flower, but can act perfectly fucking normal with any of the others. ”

“You’re right,” Raul says. “I was wrong to assume that you failed to speak up. For that, I apologize. I should have trusted you and not made baseless assumptions. What else?”

“I… Loved that you made everything so… mean,” I say.

“But?”

“But getting upset and not trusting me made me feel like… I feel like a freak for wanting someone to fuck me like it’s an attack… When you got upset…”

“You felt how?”

“Like what I want isn’t normal…” I say quietly. “I feel broken… Seeing Adrian and Brent have such a normal interaction… Knowing you were upset…”

“Tell me something, Alania,” Raul says. “Who made you feel like consenting to non-consensual roleplay was wrong? Has anyone said anything to you before?”

“Well… no,” I admit.

“Do you think that maybe it’s you who is judging you?” he asks. “Sweetheart, Edward did horrific things to you from a very, very young age… How old were you when he forced you to have an orgasm for the first time?”

“Uh… young. Before I started my period…” I say.

“What did he say to you when it happened?” Raul asks, but chuckles when I frown at him. “I’ve studied psychology and trauma for a long time, darling. Speak up.”

“He called me a freak,” I admit with a sigh. “I was in pain when it happened… and he said I was a freak for coming when I was being punished…”

“That’s why you panicked,” he says.

“Yeah,” I admit.

“So I was right to be worried about you, because you weren’t okay,” he says, and I nod. “Alania, I’m sorry.”

“Why?” I ask, confused.

“I shouldn’t have done that without getting some kind of idea of how you’d handle it,” he says. “I assumed that because it didn’t trigger you to get off with intentional pain play that you could handle that.”

“But I loved it,” I say.

“Baby, you can love something and it not be good for you,” he says gently.

“Drug addicts love the feeling of drugs, but they aren’t good for them.

You like pain, but you were raised to take pain while being mocked when pleasure was forced.

I should have explored that further before pushing you that far. ”

“So I shouldn’t want…”

“No,” Raul interrupts. “CNC is a very normal and healthy kink, especially for survivors of sexual assault. It is based on consent, and I had that. You trusted me, and you had two others watching. You knew you were safe and had room to call things off. I failed to make sure I knew how you’d react.

It is my job after that scene to provide you with aftercare, and I didn’t do that.

You found out second-hand that I was upset and worried.

This led to you silently spiraling. All of that could have been avoided if I had made sure to be there when you woke up.

So, for that… I am sorry, Alania. Truthfully, I have never been with anyone with a CNC fantasy.

The fact that I, too, share that fantasy, but in the giving end of that, makes me feel like absolute garbage.

I let my emotions lead, and I felt like a predator. ”

“You…”

“Want nothing more than to hold you down and ruthlessly fuck you while you pretend to not want it? Yes,” Raul says. “I want you to want me to destroy you.”

“I want. I want a lot,” I say with wide eyes. “Does Fiona not like that?”

“No, Fiona isn’t keen on force,” he says. “Don’t compare yourself to her. I’d love to do the same to her, but I won’t. You enjoy it, so I will indulge.”

“I know, I’m confusing. I’m sorry,” I say with a sigh.

“Alania, you are traumatized . Healing doesn’t always make sense, and none of us has all the right answers.

It’s our job to help you find your way out of the dark, though.

You were forced to cope in silence, and now that you have found your voice, you don’t know how to use it.

You’re trying, though, and that is what is important,” Raul says.

“Well, what now?” I ask.

“Now…” Raul says, turning me to the table and having me bend at the waist to grab the edge. A shiver runs up my spine when he pulls my dress up to my waist. “I’m going to fuck you just the way you need while your husband and brother watch you cry for me.”

“Don’t you mean come?” I ask.

“No,” he says. Raul grabs my hips and rams his cock deep inside my pussy, making me scream. He does it again, and it forces me across the table, where I grab hold of the opposite edge.

“Fuck!” I cry out when he starts fucking me violently deep.

“Eyes up, my helpless little whore. Let them see those pretty tears,” Raul growls as he grabs a fistful of my hair and pulls my head up. Adrian and Brent are watching me with smiles, and Fiona looks positively giddy.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. That hurts,” I moan.

“Good,” Raul growls. He tightens his grip and continues to fuck me hard and deep, quickening his pace until I am nearly sobbing as I come. He is unrelenting and brutal, and I am his willing victim.

When Raul comes, he immediately pulls me up so he can turn me to face him. He hugs me tightly to his chest as the sobs turn hysterical. I don’t know why I am so upset because I am floating high above the clouds, lost in a blissful daze. When I calm down, he pulls me back and kisses me.

“You’re a monster,” I sniff.

“And you are a dove I want to break,” he says with a smile. “Thoughts?”

“I’m going to need you to randomly do that… often,” I say, making everyone chuckle. “Thank you for being a freak with me.”

“Always, Little Dove,” Raul says, cupping my cheek. “You should let them hug you. I think I scared Brent.”

I turn and laugh when Brent looks horrified. “I’ve never been so worried… and so turned on before…” Brent says. “I think I might wanna fuck you up now, Nia.”

“Imagine if all three of them did that to you at one time,” Fiona giggles. “I need you three to attack her one day just for me.”

“Done,” Adrian grunts and grabs my face to kiss me hard when I get close, and then Brent does the same.

“We need to find some lunch,” Fiona says. “How about you and I go pick up food while the boys work on whatever it is they do.”

“Tacos!” I say happily.

“Duh!” Fiona giggles and pulls me to her. “Work. Research. Jerk each other off. Whatever. We will be back.”

“I need to clean up first,” I laugh.

“Right. Clean my husband’s come out of you, and then we can go get tacos,” Fiona says. She pulls me out of the room without letting the guys say anything.