Page 78 of A Cursed Son

I’m no coward. “I’m not leaving you. How do we defeat these roaches?”

“Fire, Astra. Run. Please. I’m begging you. They won’t reach you across the river.”

“Can’t I just squash them?”

I sense that he’d be shaking his arms in the air if he wasn’t paralyzed. “They fly. And they’ll kill you.”

I try to see where these creatures are coming from, what they are, and then I see the body of the second fae, the one Nelsin told me not to touch. There’s no body anymore. It’s a mass of… What is that? It’s breaking up in pieces, and getting darker and darker. I’m guessing these are the leech roaches.

“Run!” Nelsin shrieks.

I do, but in his direction. “I’m not leaving you.”

He laughs in disbelief. “I don’t need company in death, Astra.”

“Shush. Let me focus.”

I don’t know if he indeed falls silent or if I’m just blocking whatever he’s saying. I don’t know if I’m crazy or if this is the right thing to do. It feels right, and I choose to trust this feeling.

More than ever, I can’t let my trust falter, I can’t doubt myself. No, I don’t need to trust myself. All I need to do is trust the Almighty Mother, trust her light.

Only light here. Light shields us and protects us from evil. Light shields us, and nothing can pass through this wall. I imagine a bright circle around me and Nelsin, a bright circle stronger than anything.

I see then some of those creatures flying towards the other fallen fae. It makes no sense since they’re so small, but they’re devouring his body.

I shut my eyes and ignore that gruesome spectacle, making an effort to keep just light in my mind. Just light. Light. Nothing but light. It surrounds us. I can hold it, I know I can hold it, but I’m also realizing we’ll need help.

There’s one person I’m connected to, one person whose mind I can peer into. Still surrounded by that light, I call my kindred soul.

He’ll come to help us—when he can. All I need to do is not falter for even a second, keep that protection standing, and trust the threads connecting souls. He’ll come.

Time. We often think about it as something measurable, precise. One hour is one hour, one minute is one minute. But it isn’t like that, is it? It’s malleable and flexible and changes as we change.

I’ve been holding a wall of light for an eternity. For days. For hours. I don’t know how long. All I know is that mine and someone else’s life depend on it. I’ve been trusting and holding, giving everything I can as if all I need to do is hold on for one more second. Just one more second. And one more. And one more.

I think about my kindred soul, my real kindred soul, the one who holds me in my dreams. I feel that connection, and feel that my call has been heard. Still, I don’t know when he’ll arrive, and I refuse to entertain any doubt whether he’ll come. All I need to do is hold this light for just one more second. A second containing infinity, life, hope. And love.

So much love surrounding me. I can feel embraced and protected. This is…

Real?

There might be new sounds around me, but I don’t want to pay attention, don’t want to lose my focus. Until I feel something touching my shoulder. Two hands. I know those hands.

Marlak is in front of me. “Astra? Are you all right?”

I could hug him, kiss him, love him until the end of all eras, and yet this is my grumpy husband, the one who hates me. It doesn’t matter how I feel, though. All I can do is nod and force myself not to collapse. I’m not even sure I nodded. It feels odd to be pulled back to reality after being in that light for so long, after almost becoming one with it. My knees want to buckle, but I don’t let them.

His jaw relaxes as he takes a deep breath and stares at me. It’s a new kind of stare, but I’m not in any condition to try to understand what it means. Around me, I see a layer of ice trapping those creatures. Insistent creatures, who’d been trying to reach us for hours—now all dead.

I might not be able to stand straight anymore. I don’t know how I stood for so long, and yet the hands around my shoulders let me go. That’s when my knees finally buckle.

Beside me, I hear, “What’s the meaning of this?” He sounds like thunder when it cracks at the same time as lightning.

I don’t know the meaning of anything. I don’t want to know anything. No. I can’t collapse. I see then that Marlak is talking to Nelsin, who is standing, so that’s one good sign. The knight’s shoulders are hunched, his head down, top ears hidden by his hair.

“Apologies,” Nelsin mutters.

I feel I need to intervene. “He was trying to help.”