Page 46 of A Cowboy Holiday
Neither of us spoke for a long minute. We didn’t move apart, either. We held hands across the table amid the strains of “Silver Bells” playing below the din of excited chatter. I had no doubt we were noticed, but that didn’t bother us. An invisible string had worked its magic, binding me to him somehow. This connection was too strong to ignore now.
“Why Texas? I mean…why go back there? I get the impression it’s important to you, but it seems like it would stir up bad memories from the past.”
And you could stay here.I didn’t say that last part aloud. Don’t ask why. As an employer, I’d have offered the moon to hire a talented, reliable, and experienced vet-slash-ranch-hand. Especially one who’d become a valued addition at Oak Ridge.
As his lover…I wasn’t sure what to do.
I didn’t want him to stay for the job. I didn’t want him to feel obligated to me. Truthfully, I wanted something I wasn’t brave enough to ask for.
Axel’s expression was unreadable. “Two reasons. One, it’s a good offer. Two, there’s an undeniable feeling of poetic justice to go home on my terms…asDr.Axel Vogel…at Christmastime. The ultimate fuck-you. It’s not about forgiveness, and I don’t need anyone’s approval. I just want the opportunity to reclaim what was taken from me—my home, my sense of security. I’ll have come full circle and out on top, knowing my daughter will never doubt she’s unconditionally loved.”
My smile wobbled a bit, but I nodded.
I couldn’t relate to Axel’s story. My mom and dad were the best people I knew. I hadn’t hesitated to tell them I was bisexual and dating a guy in college. The relationship hadn’t lasted long, but I was never sorry I’d let them know there was a whole other facet to me. It was the same for Jax when he’d come out. Losing my home? Nope. I couldn’t imagine being cut off as if I’d never mattered.
My heart ached for the young man he’d been and for the adult who’d struggled to find his path. And I hated that he’d lost his friend and that Phoebe had never known her mother. So much pain and suffering. And yet…he’d persevered. He was a talented vet, a wonderful father, and…
I wished he were mine.
CHAPTER 13
TANNER
“Remember our Santa dilemma?”
I smacked Jax’s hand as he reached for a second peanut butter blossom. “Quit eating all the good ones. Have a thumbprint cookie. I don’t like those.”
“I heard that,” Gem singsonged from the file cabinets in the hallway of the main office.
Jax stuck his tongue out at me, like he did when we were little kids. “You’re in trouble now,” he whispered.
“I do like the thumbprints, Gem. It’s just that peanut butter is my favorite. And my dickhead brother is eating them all.”
“Sorry,” he said, biting a chocolate kiss off the top and flashing a mischievous grin.
“I know you do, honey,” Gem called out. “I have a plate of them just for you.”
I beamed, and yes, I channeled my inner five-year-old self and stuck my tongue out at Jax. “Thank you, Gem.”
“Kiss-ass,” he huffed.
“What were you saying about Santa?”
“I found a good one. Really good. He’s chubby, jolly, has white hair and a full beard, and he even smells like peppermint. Actually, he found us. He showed up out of the blue andvolunteered to help out. Said he heard we were looking for a Santa.”
“That’s odd. I wonder how. We all agreed to go without Santa this year.”
Tanner shrugged. “It wasn’t me, but I think he’ll be great.”
I glanced out the window at the cows grazing in the field. “Okay, but…what are we gonna do with him? Will he wander around saying, ‘Ho ho ho’ and taking pictures, or are we doing something more formal where kids sit on his lap?”
“You don’t have to be a kid to sit on Santa’s lap, you know.”
I shook my head in mock censure. “Why do I think you’ve been looking at some naughty Santa porn?”
“Because I have,” Jax said, eyes twinkling merrily. “But this guy isn’t X-rated. He’s family friendly and Tanner-friendly. You’ll like him.”
“All right. The nice thing about the Holiday Light Show is that we don’t have to do much.”