Page 40 of A Cowboy Holiday

“Oh.”

We stood awkwardly under the glitter of the crystal chandelier in the grand living area, watching Phee flit about. She paused in the middle of the room to show off a few spin moves and once she finally ran out of steam, she skipped off to raid the appetizer table.

“That’s my daughter, Phoebe,” I said to fill the growing silence.

“She’s cute and…”

Rich’s voice faded when Tanner crouched in front of Phee to share cheese from his plate. My daughter giggled with my lover while his ex anxiously crinkled a cocktail napkin, and I couldn’t help thinking that life was strange.

Something so sweet could be laced with pain, depending on your point of view.

I knew all about pain and longing, and for a split second, I wondered if I was setting myself up for another dose.

Maybe I had more in common with Rich than I’d thought…’cause I knew it was going to hurt to lose Tanner.

But I didn’t want to dwell on endings. I was too used to looking for ulterior motives, ways my house of cards would collapse, and how I could undo the damage. Just enjoying the ride was a new one.

For now, I’d take Tanner’s lead and…let go.

Finding innovative ways to grab a few minutes to ourselves was a challenge. We’d started sneaking off at lunchtime so we could have an hour naked in one of our beds rather than a furtive fuck in a stall or in Tanner’s office. It was fun and sexy and life-affirming in a way that sex hadn’t been for me in years.

And we talked…constantly. Tanner was more loquacious by a long shot, but he was easy company. We rode horses from one end of the ranch to the other, chatting about everything from high school football exploits to random questions that could seemingly spark major conversations, like:

“What’s the worst haircut you ever got?” he asked, tossing a ball for his dogs.

“My grandmother put a bowl on my head and snipped loose hair all the way around. It looked goofy, so she shaved the sides. I had a bowl-cut mullet. The first of its kind.”

Tanner barked a laugh. “No way.”

“Yeah, my third grade picture was a doozy.”

“You made that up.” He snorted.

I did, but it was fun to yank Tanner’s chain. “Can youreallyremember a bad haircut?”

“No, but the weirder the question, the more you learn about someone. It’s a fact,” he said, pulling his arm back and launching the ball. “Here’s another one. What’s the worst place you ever got sick?”

“A movie theater.”

He snickered. “What was the movie?”

“The Parent Trap.Popcorn, black licorice, and an extra-large slushy combo of cherry, cola, and that blue crap did me dirty,” I groused while he laughed like a loon. “The Butterfinger candy bar was one sweet too many.”

Still laughing, Tanner’s eyes creased against the sun, the light breeze blowing his hair, his dogs jumping at his feet.

I felt…free with him.

Light.

Happy.

Tanner had no clue how very surreal that state of mind was for me. Like unlocking a sweet memory, unearthing the dregsof joy that had been long dead and buried. Something that was mine alone. Not tied to my child’s happiness.

How did you explain that to someone? And how did you show appreciation in a way that didn’t involve sex?

I thought about asking Jax or Hudson, but I wasn’t prepared to invite speculation. I’d have to figure Tanner out on my own.

However, the only pressing matter on his mind in the month of December was—the holidays.