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Story: Yesterday I Cared

“I think…” He trails off and I want to scream. “I don’t think any of us know what Ronan’s next move is. Just because I know he won’t run from you doesn’t mean I necessarily believe he’s here to stay.”

“If he leaves now, he will break my heart. I don’t think I can do that again.”

“Mia, you are one of the strongest people I know. If he breaks your heart, we’ll break him, and then you’ll figure it out. You didn’t let Bianca’s heartbreak define you and you sure as hell won’t let Ronan’s, if it even comes to that.”

“Didn’t I let Bianca’s heartache define me? I moved down here, I took the job my best friend’s boyfriend offered me—”

“Oh, come on, Mia. We’ve known each other for over a decade; can’t we at least acknowledge we’re friends now?” he says.

In the heart of a serious conversation, a laugh bursts from me, which leads to him laughing just as hard. It takes us a minute to settle down, but the moment is still nice. I don’t think I’ve ever had a conversation like this with Bryce; usually we talk about work or I’m threatening him not to break Josie’s heart. The truth is, we became friends a long time ago. The first time I saw the way my best friend looked at him, I knew this man was going to break her heart, but I also hoped he’d be the one to put it back together.

“Okay friend, I need your advice then.” I wipe the corner of my eye as my laugh dies down. “What do you think I should do about all of this?”

He collects himself. “Ronan and I have a lot in common. We both screwed up things in the past. We’re living, breathing proof that people grow up and change for the better. But we’re also not perfect. We make mistakes and we run away from our fears sometimes.”

“Which brings us to the ring that you’ve had in your possession for almosttwo months, Bryce.”

Bryce holds up a hand, stopping me before I can go any further. “We’re still talking about you, Mia.” I let out a grumble under my breath. “What do you want to say to Ronan?”

“We are not role playing a conversation with my boyfriend, Bryce. Those conversations are for us to have.”

“Maybe, but maybe not. If you tell me everything you want to tell him, you can pick through it and figure out the real message. Push past your own insecurities, push past the pain that still lingers from before, because believe me, I know there’s still pain from before, and focus on the now. Top three things you want to say to him, go.”

I hate that his logic makes sense. I hate that Bryce is suddenly being more mature than me, especially since he’s in a whole different place in his life. One I never thought he’d reach before me. There are things I want to say to Ronan—things that aren’t going to be helpful, things that will hurt because of my own fears, and things I want to scream at him for the past.

“I’m waiting,” Bryce says.

“Give me a second—damn.” Taking a deep breath, I look at Bryce and begin, “Number one, I’m not someone he can come back to when it’s convenient for him. Number two, I’m worried there will be a day when I’m not enough for him. Number three, every chance I get, I’ll pick him.”

Bryce leans back in his chair, looking a little smug. “I asked you to pick the three things you want to say to Ronan but don’t feel like you can, and you tell me the three things I think you need to say to him the most.”

This whole conversation is becoming frustrating as fuck. When did this asshole get so wise? When did he get so goddamn observant? And how the hell can he pull me out of my shell better than a therapist I’ve been seeing for months can?

“And if I never get the chance?”

“Then that’s on him; not on you,” he replies. “I think you need to find a way to say them, for both of you. As your friend, I want you to realize it’s okay to be real with people who care about you.You can tell them when you’re hurting or scared. Me, Carter, Kat, and obviously Josie—we’re all here for you, no matter what. Ronan is, too. On the off chance you find that he’s not, then let him go.”

I blink several times to keep the tears at bay. A few break through. “Fuck, Bryce.” I wipe at the tears. “You need to warn a girl if you’re going to make her cry.”

“So, I should preface my proposal by telling Josie she might cry?”

It’s an opening. He’s said everything he needs to say and is giving me the chance to move on. I appreciate the gesture because I’m not sure I can even fathom words about myself right now. Let alone the precarious place my relationship is teetering in.

“No.” I shake my head, grabbing a tissue to dab my eyes. “Do not ruin it. Just tell me why it hasn’t happened yet.”

He shrugs, picking at a thread on the arm of the chair. “I guess I’ve been putting a lot of pressure on it—wanting it to be perfect.”

“Then hear me when I say nothing public and nothing over the top,” I press, repeating myself for what feels like the hundredth time. “Josie will say yes, because it’s you, but she won’t like it.”

“Yeah, I know, I know. I unsubscribed from the extreme proposals newsletter I was getting.”

“That exists?” I ask, eyes wide. “Who on Earth would subscribe to—I mean, it makes total sense for someone who has photographers following them around everywhere.”

“Thank you,” he replies. “I don’t want to feel like it’ll need a do-over. I want to be absolutely sure she’ll love it. She’s given me more second chances than I deserve.”

“If someone’s important enough, I’m not sure we ever run out of second chances,” I tell him. “Stop worrying about perfection and start paying attention to timing. The right moment is going to hit you like jamming your finger in a lane line.” I grin as he hisses in pain at the metaphor. “Exactly like that. You might have already lostsome of those moments by trying to make it bigger and better. Your instincts are good, especially when it comes to Josie.”

He looks down, thinking my words over. “Yeah, you’re right.” He sighs after a few moments. “I need to relax a bit.”