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“Sorry,” Shang says, releasing me.
And that’s when I dip my head and cover his mouth with mine. No more masks. No more wondering what my dad would do, or what Ranch Mulan would do, or what Work Mulan should do. None of that. I don’t even care that it’s forbidden, that my company is trying to acquire his, or about all the ways in which that makes this so wrong. All I want to do right now is what real Mulan wants to do, and that is to kiss Li Shang.
Our lips mold against each other’s perfectly, moving slowly, softly at first. I’ve kissed and been kissed plenty of times before, but this is different. It’s somehow new and exciting and yet familiar at the same time, like kissing your best friend. It doesn’t make sense; Shang is about as far from a best friend as anyone can be, and yet. And yet here we are, our mouths moving in sync, deepening the kiss until my entire body feels like it’s on fire.
Shang’s hands stroke up and down my back, and I shift slightly so that the oversize sweater I’m wearing lifts up a little, and Shang groans and slides his hand underneath. His palm caresses my back tenderly, slowly, and I arch my back, wanting to savor every touch of his. I brush the side of his face, still kissing him, before letting my hand trail down his chin, grazing that superhero jawline of his before going down to his hard chest. I’ve never been so turned on in my life. When I slip my hand under his shirt, he gives a soft moan and whispers, “Zhou…”
The name sears through my senses, piercing through the haze of the moment. It feels as though the thick atmosphere has just shattered. I lift my head and freeze, hovering above him.
“Are you okay?” Shang says. “Did I—”
“No, it’s fine. You’re fine.” I clear my throat. “Um, I just—I was afraid that the others might hear us.”
“Oh.” Shang swallows. “Sure, yeah. That’s a legit concern.”
He carefully removes his hands from my back and I roll off him, grateful it’s so dark that it’s impossible for Shang to see how red my face must be. Or how guilty. I turn away from him and squeeze my eyes shut. Shang turns as well, though I can’t tell where he’s facing. The silence stretches on and on, until it becomes so taut that something must break.
“I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable,” Shang says. “I’m sorry if I did.”
I grit my teeth, willing my tears back. “You did nothing wrong.” There’s a clear tremble in my voice.
“Zhou, are you okay?”
Stop calling me that!I want to scream. It’s hitting me like a gut punch, the lie I’ve told, this deception I’ve carried out, and now it’s too late to take it back. His family has accepted Mushu and me, even Uncle Hong has been won over, and now I’ve fallen—
I stop breathing.
I’ve fallen? For Shang? In such a short time?
No, it can’t be. It must be lust, or infatuation. I don’t believe in insta-love. I believe in math. I believe in currency. I believe in hard work and being sensible and definitely not falling in love with a man I barely know. A man who’s been nothing but kind toward me, a man who does all the cooking so his mother doesn’t have to, a man who cuts up food because his mother has arthritic hands, a man who stayed back and rode alongside me and got into a bar fight because of me and—
A man who thinks I am Hua Zhou.
When I speak again, my voice is steel. “I’m okay. That was a mistake. I apologize. It was unprofessional and I won’t let it happen again.”
“Oh.” The surprise and disappointment in Shang’s voice is undeniable. He clears his throat, then says, “Okay. Yeah, you’re right. I’m glad you—uh, put a stop to it. Let’s get some rest. Good night.”
This time, when I doze off, I don’t wake up in Shang’s arms, feeling warm and soft and safe. In fact, when I wake up, it is morning, and the makeshift bed is cold and undeniably empty.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
The entire way back from the campsite, I can’t bear to meet Shang’s eyes, and as soon as we get back to the farmhouse, I hurry inside my bedroom. Mushu follows and closes the door behind her.
“Okay, spill,” she says.
“What?”
“What happened between you and Shang?”
I look away. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Uhh, I have eyes, therefore I can see. And you two were all chummy and there was this cute chemistry going on between you yesterday, and then all of a sudden,bam, this morning it’s nothing but toxic silence between you guys. And I have to say, it’s poisoning the atmosphere, so I think you owe it to the rest of us to tell me what happened.”
I frown. “I can’t tell if you’re actually making sense or if you’re gaslighting me.”
“Obviously I am making sense,” Mushu cries. “What is it?” She gasps, bringing her hand over her mouth. “Did he try something in the middle of the night? Oh, that bastard, I should’ve—”
“No!” I say quickly. “No, nothing like that. It was actually kind of the other way around.”