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“There, there,” Ma says.
“I’m so scared of losing him,” I weep into her shoulder.
“We won’t,” Ma says, and the way she says it is with such certainty that one might believe that she has the ability to manipulate fate and destiny.
“Fate and destiny?” Ma says with a small laugh, and I realize I’ve said it out loud. “Fate and destiny are my bitches, didn’t you know?”
“Ma!” I laugh in between sobs.
Ma cups my face with both hands, wiping away my tears with her thumbs. “Ah, sweetheart. Don’t you worry, everything will be all right.”
As much as I would love to believe Ma, I’m no longer a little kid, and this isn’t just some nightmare Mama can brush off with hugs and tender words. “You don’t know that, Ma.”
“Oh, but I do. I haven’t had a chance to speak to him, you see. He won’t leave until I do. We have unfinished business.”
“Unfinished business?” I sniffle.
“He didn’t unload the dishwasher last night,” she says simply.
Again, I laugh, then more tears come and I hug Mama tightly. She feels so tiny in my arms. When did my parents turn old? When did I outgrow them? I can sense a slight tremor when Mama takes in a breath, and I know that she’s fighting like hell to keep herself together. She’s being strong so that I have the luxury of falling apart, and I wish I could’ve done this for her. But no, I reverted into a little kid as soon as I spotted my mom. Guilt washes over me. A very familiar feeling.
Up until I was eight years of age, I used to beg my parents for a younger sister. They’d smile sadly and tell me that they didn’t want more children, that I was such a perfect child that they couldn’t ask for more. I used to believe them, until Auntie Dongmei and Uncle Bao came to stay with us while visiting from China. One night, I was on my way to the bathroom when I overheard Auntie Dongmei say to Mama,What a shame because of Mulan you had to have that awful operation. And she isn’t even a boy!Later, I found out that after giving birth to me, Ma had contracted an infection in her uterus, and so had to have it removed. But at the age of eight, all I cared about were the words:And she isn’t even a boy!
Guilt and shame became my most familiar friends then. Not only had I taken away Ma’s chances of having another child, but I’m not even a boy. And so I resolved to do the next best thing: Be the son that my parents deserve.
When we release each other, Mushu comes toward us. “Hi, Auntie.” She envelops Ma in a tight hug before handing her a steaming cup of tea. “The tea is nothing like that tea you usually get from your friend Vera, but it’s hot, at least.”
“Thank you, Mushu,” Ma says, patting Mushu on the cheek before settling into a chair. She gestures for Mushu and me to join her. “Tell me everything that happened.”
I try my best to recount how Baba had been trying to touch his toes, and Ma makes a sound that’s somewhere in between a laugh and a groan.
“And before he decided to show off how flexible he still is, what were you two discussing?” she says.
I sigh. “Wutai Gold, you know that whiskey company he’s been after for a while?”
“Ah, yes. He’s told me quite a bit about them.” Although Ma has never worked a day in the finance sector—she is a software engineer—Ba has always maintained that she has some of the best instincts he’s ever come across, and he often discusses matters of the firm with her.
“Yeah, well, I was telling Ba that the numbers aren’t great, and he was telling me that he sees potential in them.” I pause. “What do you think of them?” Just like Baba would’ve been if he were in my shoes, I’m desperate to know what Ma thinks.
Ma purses her lips as she ponders my question. “Well, I can see why your father likes them.”
“Really? Why? They’re a huge mess. He did tell you that it’s completely family run, right?”
“Well, yes, that part isn’t ideal, but he really hit it off with some of the family members. Said they reminded him of himself when he was younger.”
I know it’s stupid, but I can’t help feeling a stab of jealousy at that. Reminded Ba of himself when he was younger? Excuse me, that should be me.
Ma takes my hand and squeezes gently. “Mulan, I know you don’t think much of Wutai Gold, but your father…I haven’t seen him this happy about a potential buyout in a long time. Maybe when the doctors are done with him, you could tell him that you’ll see the deal through.”
“Or maybe he should be taking it easy and not be obsessing over buyouts,” I grumble.
“I agree. It’s time for him to take a step back and let you take the helm.”
“Oh.” I hadn’t been expecting that. Anxiety stabs through my chest at the thought of “taking the helm.” Of course, that’s always been my ambition, but I’ve only ever thought of it in a very vague, blobby way.
“And I think that seeing this buyout through on your own will give him the reassurance that he needs to do just that,” Ma continues.
I grit my teeth. “Or I could just, you know, show him that it’s a terrible idea.”