Page 115 of With Wing And Claw

No one responded.

Fuck. What was she thinking? This wasn’t how the game was played. Assets and obstacles. Favours and payments. Simple, clear-cut calculations in which mercy shouldn’t play any role at all … and the others should know that, shouldn’t they?

Except that therehadbeen fear in Nicanor’s voice as he hurried her to his rooms and pressed the antidote to her lips. Except that Inga’s hands were still trembling. Except that Silas had almost knockedthroughthe door a few minutes ago, and even now, the small muscle at his temple hadn’t stopped twitching.

And Naxi …

No love. No loyalty.

Yet there was no denying the redness of her eyes.

Nothing in the world made sense anymore. The quicksand of court intrigue was easy. Deadly but easy. Whereas this … this felt like she was learning to walk all over again, so used to watching her steps and pulling her feet from the mud that solid ground sent her stumbling.

‘Send out people to look for Gadyon,’ she said, closing her eyes. It was easier that way. If the rest of the world did not exist, at least it couldn’t hurt her. ‘If they find him, tell him he can safely return to the court. We’ll figure things out.’

Still no one spoke.

‘I … I’m not sure yet what to do about the Alliance,’ she added, looking up, voice little more than a whisper now.

Weakness, to admit that.

She was so very tired of strength.

‘From what I’ve seen outside,’ Silas said grimly, ‘your main problem is that the army itself is exactly the group most enraged by the plan. They are the ones who went out there and attacked the other magical peoples. They are the ones whose heads are on the line here. Which means you’re not just gaining new opponents – you’re also losing the exact group of people you need to deal with opponents in the first place.’

Nicanor made a soft sound of agreement.

Right. No more army, no more authority. The lingering threat of Bereas and friends they had handled, because that mob had consisted mostly of lickspittles and good-for-nothings who just did not want to lose the houses they had done absolutely nothing to deserve.This, on the other hand …

Fuck.

She was much, much too sore to be dealing with violent insubordination.

‘I’ll see if the Alliance is open to negotiation,’ she heard herself say, and even Inga did not scoff at the notion. ‘Please send a messenger to the Golden Court. Surely Agenor has an alf or two around to let Thorgedson know I’d like a word with him.’

Nicanor sighed. ‘Willdo.’

She gave a nod as she dragged herself to the edge of her seat, allowing her wings to fold open behind her back. None of the others moved to assist her. Most days she would have been glad for it – glad to know they didn’t think she needed it.

Tonight, she wasn’t so sure.

She had things to do, of course. Things to kill. The Mother would have told her it was weakness to hide away and mope, that she needed to be stronger the more fragile she felt … but then, the Mother had been a liar all this time, and the alternative …

Her gaze met Naxi’s.

Who couldn’t love her, just like the Mother had never loved her. Who would leave her, just like her friends had done once she’d lost her use and standing. Simple facts, and yet in this mindless moment, she didn’twantto accept them – because her head was pounding, her limbs ached like she’d been kicked around the court all day, and gods, how easy would it be now to pretend that softer, kinder world of sweet kisses and honey pastries was real?

She’d pay for it, of course.

She might just be able to afford it, though.

‘Tell the court the leaked news is premature and incomplete,’ she said, unable to take her gaze away from Naxi’s red-rimmed eyes. The demon’s watery smile was strangely encouraging. ‘They can riot once the negotiations are finished, if they’re still unhappy. Silas, if your bargains can do anything to calm them down, that would be appreciated.’

Her uncle and Nicanor nodded as if by some unspoken agreement.

‘Thank you. Oh, and Inga …’ She couldn’t keep down a groan as she hauled herself to her feet, more or less. The faelights seemed to split into different colours on the edges of her sight. ‘You’re hereby appointed as interim head of the archives. Let’s talk more about that tomorrow. I’m going to need a few hours of sleep, first.’

Inga gaped at her, jaw sagging open in the most dumbstruck bewilderment Thysandra had ever seen from her.