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“You thought you were human until a week ago. Is it any stretch to think they might be showing the same symptoms as you?” he asked, posing the question I hadn’t considered. If my mother had uncontrollable magic, the Mist Guard and Lord Byron’s army would guarantee her death.

Gods.

I shoved the thought away. Dwelling on it wouldn’t get me to her side any faster, and I would simply have to work to make sure Caldris offered her protection. Whether she came with us or stayed in Nothrek would be determined as we approached Mistfell.

There were more pressing matters, like the fact that I hadn’t killed the male I hated more than anything, because I also loved him more than the thought of my own freedom. I didn’t know what to do with that.

“What’s wrong, Little One?”

“Is it possible for you to…alter my mind? My thoughts and feelings about certain things?” I asked, holding his stare with a firm one of my own. I wanted the answer, knowing he couldn’t lie to me, especially not now when I could feel guilt pulsing down the bond if he tried.

“No. I can force your body to do things if I’m very determined, just as I forced you to run when the cave beast attacked us,” he admitted, shrugging his shoulders as he reached out and caught my chin in his grasp. “But that is a short term burst of control. I cannot control your thoughts and your feelings in the long run. That’s an entirely different kind of power than I possess.”

“Can you influence other people in the same way?” I asked, reaching up to grasp his hand with mine. Even just from the brief glimpses of power I’d experienced, of feeling that surge through me and knowing the way it made me feel and behave in the aftermath, I knew I could never have that kind of power over other people.

I couldn’t be trusted.

“No. It’s exclusive to the mate bond. It's an instinctive aspect related to protecting our mates. Our human mates are not inclined to leave our side in times of danger, wanting to protect us as that aspect of the bond goes both ways. Unfortunately, human mates are far weaker and more likely to be killed, so sometimes we have to send them to safety in the hopes of saving both our lives,” he answered. I couldn’t imagine the knowledge he must have had from observing the way other Fae behaved with their mates, while waiting centuries for me to be born, only to not be able to reach me when I finally came to be.

“I don’t want to leave all this knowledge here,” I said, changing the subject when I didn’t have anything to add. It was reassuring to know that he wasn’t tampering with my emotions, but it was also terrifying to know that it wasmewho was changing.

Not the sum of the actions done to me, but me as a person. Me as a human…or not.

Ugh.

“I promise you, I will do everything in my power to make sure you have the best library at your disposal. The library at the palace of Catancia is filled with more books than you could read in a lifetime, but I will find anything you desire to add to it,” he said, his words encouraging. I stepped away from the desk, my fingers falling from the book in slow motion as if it was a goodbye. “We have much more in-depth records on the history of the Fae and the way our world works than the Resistance could ever hope to have.”

“I’m sure you do,” I said with a little sigh. “But you can’t exactly give me a library if you yourself are a victim of Mab.”

“I can promise you my mother will allow you unrestricted access to the library in my absence, Little One. She’ll treat you as if you are her own child, because as my mate, you’ll be the closest thing she’s ever had,” he said, his voice dropping low as sadness filled it.

I stepped into his chest, wishing I could give him the words that would chase away the melancholy. “I don’t want to be there without you,” I said, settling for that confession instead. I didn’t want to beanywherewithout him.

“I don’t want to exist without you,” he said, returning the sentiment and taking it up to another level. I sighed, breathing in his scent, wondering how long I could really hope to delay the inevitable. He knew how I felt, knew how much his soul tormented mine.

“If you challenge Mab, what happens then?” I asked, feeling the moment his body tensed.

“I cannot do that unless we finalize the bond,” he said, wrapping his arms around me. He didn’t look down at my face, knowing me well enough to know I couldn’t look him in the eye for this conversation.

“I know,” I said simply.

“I’ll challenge the bonds she placed on me, and if I can manage to break free, I could challenge her for the throne to the Shadow Court.”

“Would you?” I asked, tilting my head to the side. I didn’t know what I should hope for. If I should long for a peaceful life tucked away in the Winter Court? I wanted that peace, but I didn’t know that I could leave others to suffer, either. Not the way the world had abandoned me in my time of need, turning a blind eye to the way Byron had tortured me as a young woman.

“I would do anything for you, min asteren. If you would want me to gain my freedom and go with you to some remote place, I would do it. If you wanted me to take you to explore one of the forbidden realms, I would take you there and we would never have to concern ourselves with Mab again.”

“That tells me nothing of what you want,” I pointed out, laughter making my chest shake.

“I want to see Alfheimr freed from Mab’s clutches, and I don’t think anyone will have the ability to do it if I do not aid that cause. None have been able to for countless centuries, and it would be difficult to leave my people to suffer at her hands,” he admitted, and I felt the way the words felt torn from him. He didn’t want to make me feel trapped by his dedication to help his people.

“I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if we walked away,” I said, turning my eyes up to his. I swallowed, holding his vibrant blue stare.

“What is it, my star?” he asked, touching a hand to the side of my neck.

I nodded, trying to force the determination andloveI felt to him through the bond. I needed him to know that the words that came next were partially because of my desire to right the wrongs that had been committed, but the decision wasn’t made without love in my heart.

“I’ll complete the bond.”