Page 54

After waiting a minute, I crack the door open to find Marcus sitting in the med station, talking to another nurse. As quietly as I can, I sneak out of the bathroom and rush over to the hall Wes told me about, but the moment I peer through the small window, I see Dr. Benson and duck back into a corner to hide.

A loud buzz sounds a second before the double doors open, and the moment he turns in the opposite direction, I slip through the doors before they close and lock behind me. Once I’m in, I look around, but it doesn’t appear that anyone is down here. It’s eerily quiet, and I start walking the short stretch of hallway. There is a small square window on each door that I peek in to as I pass—each one empty. The rooms are small with nothing but a bed, and there are no outside windows at all.

When I hit the third door, I look inside and stop when I see her long brown hair strewn across the white pillow. My chest constricts painfully as I try to digest what I’m actually seeing. It’s like a horror movie. Her wrists and ankles are bound to the bed with heavy straps. She wears nothing but a white hospital gown, and she’s staring lifelessly up at the ceiling.

A part of me wants to knock, but I don’t—I’m too scared. Nothing about this feels right.

She blinks slowly, and a thick tear slips down the side of her face and into her tangled hair. The pit in my chest expands, and I resist the temptation to scream out for someone to unstrap her. It’s beyond frightening to see a person tied down like she is.

She turns her head in my direction. Her red, swollen eyes meet mine, and I freeze.

I want to look away, but I can’t.

I want to yell at her through the door and tell her that I’m sorry, but I don’t.

She’s expressionless as she stares at me like a ghost. After a beat, her face slowly crumples before she turns back to the ceiling and begins crying loudly. Tears freefall down her temples while she lays there bound and helpless and sobbing.

Rattled to my core, I step away from the window. My hands shake at my sides, and when the heel of my foot hits the wall, the harsh buzz sounds again, and I jump.

“Hey!” Dr. Benson calls as he rushes toward me. “How did you get in here?”

I open my mouth to say something, anything, but nothing comes.

“This is a secured unit. You aren’t allowed to be here.”

I give him a nervous nod, and when he sees how shaken I am, he puts his hand on my shoulder and leads me away from Harlow’s room. “Are you okay?”

I nod again.

“Do you need to talk?”

I can still hear her muffled cries as I shake my head. “No.”

He gently squeezes my shoulder, and I swear it feels as if he’s squeezing emotions out of me.

“I won’t tell anyone you snuck in here,” he says before tipping his head toward the doors. “You need to go.”

“Thanks,” I mutter as I manage to put one foot in front of the other.

When I punch the large button on the wall, the doors buzz and open. Not wanting to get into trouble, I’m cautious as I make my way back to the restrooms. Marcus is still distracted, so I kick the bathroom door open, and when he looks up, I walk over to where he’s sitting.

“You ready?”

“Yeah.”

My heart rate remains spiked as I follow him back outside. For the next hour, I stick to myself, unsure of how I should feel. It doesn’t seem real, but I know that it is, and it’s messing with me.

When we are called inside for an early group session just as Wes had mentioned, I can’t shake my restlessness. I’m a bundle of anxiety with sweaty palms and fidgety hands. I press my fingers against my opposite hand to crack my knuckles, only to remember that I just popped them less than thirty seconds ago. The lack of release charges me up more. I can’t sit still.

Dr. Benson takes his seat, but he doesn’t have his files with him today. When everyone quiets, he clears his throat before saying, “I thought it would be good to come together this morning to have an open discussion.”

“About Harlow?” Jeremy asks.

Dr. Benson leans forward and folds his hands together. “Yes. About Harlow.”

“Is it true that she tried killing herself?” another guy questions.

Everyone but me stares at the doctor as they wait for his answer.