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She reaches out and pats my hand. “There you go. Is he good to you?”
“In a way. He’s busy, but he has made time for me since finding out about the baby. He knows I’m seeing someone else and still wants to live together.”
Gram cuts right through the bullshit. “He’s older. More focused on his career and less worried about commitment.”
“I guess.” I shrug, not exactly happy about her comment on commitment. “He’s thirty-five.”
“Okay, I trust you know what you’re doin’. Be careful with my grandbaby.”
“I am. Nobody is taking this baby from me. Don’t you worry.”
She returns my phone, a smile of excitement on her face. “Okay, let’s see the next guy.”
Here we go.
I avert my gaze and shuffle the cards, chewing on my lip. It’s difficult to tell her I’ve reconciled with Jackson. She has already been through enough, and I hate to disappoint her.
But I can’t hide this. Jackson only has one speed. Fast and hard. All in. He’s not going anywhere.
I pull up a recent photo of us at the beach. It’s cute, with me sitting between his legs, his chin on my shoulder, his hand on my stomach.
She takes the phone and glances down then up, as though I’m playing a trick on her. When I’m silent, she studies the picture.
“Can’t say I approve, but I also don’t know him.” She releases a heavy sigh. “What does he think of all this? Your modeling, pregnancy, and dating other people?”
“He’s adjusting. It was difficult for him when I left today, but he’s ecstatic about the baby and close with Ethan. The trouble is, he wants me by his side, not traveling for work.”
She lets out a contemplative humph.
“What?”
“He has always wanted you under lock and key. All to himself.” She frowns. “Don’t let him suck the life out of you again.”
I take a moment to reflect on her words. Now that I know the truth of Jackson’s whereabouts at the end of our relationship and what he was struggling with, I realize his core behavior hasn’t changed much. He has always been controlling.
The difference is now he’s sober, which makes him less volatile. I thought he was cheating on me. He was mentally unstable and battling his addiction.
Can I live with Jackson’s obsessive behavior? Maybe. It’s not as though I don’t have my own faults.
But the real question is, can I deal with a relapse?
Not with a baby.
It hurts not to love him unconditionally. It feels like a failure. Only those who’ve witnessed a loved one lose themselves to addiction can understand the anguish of letting them go.
Guilt is a heavy burden to bear, especially knowing how reckless he is, but I’m not putting a child through that.
“I’ve changed. I’m not that naïve girl who believed she found lightning in a bottle. I’m not dependent on him, and I’m not afraid to walk away. I have more than me to think about.”
Gram gives me a warm smile before slamming her cards down. “I win. I was waitin’ for you to finish.”
Savage.
FORTY
AURORA
Rickyand I land in New York in the early morning hours.