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A part of me had always known something wasn’t right with Mama, and that instinct had made me want to defend her. Even now, I still knew she wasn’t well, but for the first time, I wanted to protect myself instead. And that made me feel guilty.
I’d spent my life taking care of this woman—kissing her bruises, soothing her tears, coddling her insecurities. She was my spoiled parent, a burden I had carried for so long that I wasn’t sure how to set it down.
I loved my mother. Even now, even knowing what I did, even when I disliked her. And that truth sat heavy in my gut, curdled and sour, like spoiled milk.
She made small talk, bubbly stuff, and I knew she’d wait until Cheyenne was gone before shesaid anything important. She was under the illusion that Cheyenne didn’t know her business. I’d thought it was cute how clueless she was; now I found her classism and discrimination against the person who took care of her at par with how Fiona treated the ranch hands.
I poured her tea and myself coffee.
Mama took a dainty sip and set her cup down. She picked up a napkin and dabbed at the corner of her lips.
“Son, you can’t break up with Fiona.”
I settled toward the other end of the couch as if in an effort to get comfortable when, in fact, I wanted some physical distance from her.
I was not feeling well in my head and heart, which was no surprise. I was thirty years old and felt like a child again, confused about why my father didn’t live with us anymore and why my mother was always sad.
“Mama, no offense, but my relationships are not up for discussion.”
She pouted. “I knew this would happen if you wentthere. See how you’ve changed? You even sound likehim.”
Therewas obviously the ranch, andhewas Nash.
My father hadn’t been perfect, not by a long shot, but what I knew now and felt in my bones was that he’d loved me—more than Maria, more than Mama, or even himself. I was the one person with whom he’d been completely selfless. A fat lot of good it did him because I’d been an ungrateful asshole.
“I was at the Wildflower Canyon Rodeo.” I finishedmy coffee in three gulps, letting the burn in my esophagus heat up my blood.
“Once you sell that place, you won’t have to deal with all of that. Fiona says it’s going well, and you have important people like Piper Novak ready to buy.” Her eyes glinted with what now I could see was a garden variety of greed.
“Why do you like Fiona?” I asked, obviously surprising her with my question.
“Ah…she’s lovely. Comes from a good family. And she loves you.” Mama settled with a smile. “That’s the thing I like most about her, that she loves my baby.”
“Or maybe it’s because she’s so much like you?” I suggested as a light bulb went on in my head. I’d been dating my mother! Regardless of the fact that Fiona worked, and Mama didn’t, the two women had the same skill sets—they manipulated and were chameleons. Mama was just like Fiona when it came to treating thehelp. My mother portrayed the image of fragility, sure, but I’d seen her lose it with staff.
“Why isn’t this warm? Can’t you do at least that?”
“Get out of my room.”
“Oh, Duke, they’re all making my life impossible. I’m going to fire them all and just do everything myself.”
Mama pursed her lips. “Fiona is nothing like me. She’s a career woman, and I’m…well, you know how I am.”
“I think I do now.” I let out a deep breath and finally said what I’d come to say. “I met Tansy Hawthorne at the rodeoyesterday.”
Her face froze for an instant, and then her eyes narrowed with malice. “That woman is a slut.”
“I don’t know, Mama, she wasn’t the one having an affair with another woman’s husband.”
The silence that followed was loud, unbearably so, a pounding on the eardrums and stretched so long and hard that I could feel it pressing against my skin.
Mama’s face didn’t shift, didn’t change—not at first. It was only in her eyes that I saw it. The flash of ice and calculation before she smoothed it over, replacing it with well-practiced heartbreak.
“What’sthatsupposed to mean?”
There were tears in her eyes. She could do that on command? Fuck! She should’ve gone to Hollywood, I thought caustically.
“You had an affair with Silas Hawthorne, Mama; that’s what it means.”