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“What the heck was that?”
“You asked why I changed my mind, and I told you why.” He grinned cheekily, and he reminded me of the boy who loved me. “I want to safeguard my legacy, not sell it. Being here told me that I loved this land and also reminded me that I never stopped loving you.”
Well shit!
“Duke, I want to be clear with you so there are no misunderstandings. There is no way that you and I are going thereever.” That sounded firm, didn’t it?Yeah, it did.
“I told you I was coming back for you, baby, and was gonna lay a claim,” he drawled. He took two steps toward me and was in my space. He put his hands on my shoulders and squeezed gently. “I hurt you. I know I did. I can’t go back and fix that shit, no matter how much I want to.”
“Water under the bridge,” I lied again.
“Not hardly, Elena.”
I wiggled my shoulders to tell him to lay off, but he wasn’t listening. “Hands off.”
He removed his hands and held them palms out. “I want to tell you what happened. Will you hear me out?”
I growled. Literally growled. “For fuck’s sake, Duke, we have work to do; we can’t all just hang around shootin’ the shit. Okay?”
I was scared of talking to him, of being talked into being with him. It wouldn’t take much. Honestly! I knewmyself. I loved this man like crazy, and if he crooked his finger a couple of times, all this false bravado would go down the drain. Now, at least I had my pride, even if I didn’t have my heart, but if I let him back in, I’d lose respect for myself. My hard-earned equanimity would go out the window, and I’d be left with nothing. I couldn’t lose all that I was when I’d already lost so much.
“I talked to my mother,” he said as if I hadn’t spoken. “I learned some hard truths.”
I wanted to ask him to go fuck himself, but I couldn’t. He looked sad, and I couldn’t stand it, so I listened.
“Is that why you decided not to sell then? Because you found out Gloria is as crazy as a road lizard in a hot skillet?”
He chuckled. “That’s some imagery, baby.” Then he sobered. “It’s been hard coming back. It’s been confusing. I don’t know what’s up or down. The only things I know are that this land is mine to take care of. I’m a guardian. I can’t sell it. I don’t think I ever could. Deep down, I wouldn’t have been able to do it, no matter how angry I was with Nash. Even if I didn’t know Gloria was as crazy as a…ahroad lizard in a hot skillet. I wouldn’t have sold.”
I sighed. “I thought you would sell, Duke. The way you…I had no doubt.”
“We don’t know each other well anymore.”
“That’s why what you’re wanting with me is impossible. You and I aren’t the kids we were and?—”
“Tell me you don’t love me,” he demanded, cutting meoff.
I swallowed, pulling on all my reserves. “Fine, I…don’t, okay.”
He cupped my cheek. “Say the words. Look at me and say the words.” My eyes went moist, and he groaned. “Fuck, baby. No.”
“Don’t ask…don’t ask, Duke.” I stepped away from him. “I’m nothing but a throbbing wound. I’m…just pain inside. So much has happened, and I can’t love like that…not just you but anyone.”
“I know you can,” he stated confidently. “I know because I can. You think I’ve not been half alive as you have been these past ten years?”
“Oh, you mean between the Fionas of the world?” I said bitterly.
He smiled. “Jealous?”
I threw my hands up in the air. “Oh, go fuck yourself.”
“Nah, I’d rather fuck you,” he replied insolently. “Elena, we will get to know one another. It’s not like we have a choice. Tell me, these past weeks, even though I was being a prized asshole, even though I was with Fiona, tell me you weren’t happy that I was here?
What was the point in lying? I merely shrugged and looked away, irritated.
“Because I’ve lived for glimpses of you. I see you, and my heart lights up like it’s the fucking Fourth of July.”
“Even when you were finger fuckingher?” My words dripped with sarcasm.