Page 87 of The Wedding Menu

“We’re on the fourth floor.Do nottry to escape from the window.”

Ignoring him, I enter the bathroom and close the door behind me. I go to the sink, and once the tap is open, I strut to the window. Phone in hand, my fingers frantically tap. Each beep that follows makes my heart quicken, my muscles tense. Until eventually I hear “Hello?”

“Martha?”

“Ames?” she asks in a doubtful voice. “Where are you? Why are you whispering?”

I release a breath, relief washing over me. I called her not evenknowing why she’s the person I’d run to, seeing as we haven’t talked in so long, but now that I’m hearing her voice, it’s crystal clear. I love Barb, but I met her later in life, when moments like this one were mostly done with. Martha? She was there when I freaked out about a boy wanting to touch me for the first time. About my first period, my first service at the restaurant. She’s always been the person I call from the bathroom.

“I’m—” I imagine what I’d look like to a casual observer. Crouched next to the window, speaking into my hand, water flowing from the tap to cover the noise. “I’m about to have sex and I’m… I’m freaking out.”

“Oh.” She clears her voice. “Not with Frank, is it?”

“There isn’t enough money in the world.”

“Right. Why… why are you freaking out?”

Because he’s too beautiful. Too experienced. Too different from what I’m used to. Because he’s not just a random guy. He’s Ian. And if it is disappointing, I won’t be able to look past it, not anymore. If it is bad, it will be the end. But if it’s as good as I expect it to be—if it’s the best sex I’ll ever have in my life… well, it’ll be the end too. All he’s giving me is tonight.

“Is he the first person you’ll have slept with since Frank?” she asks softly.

“Yes.”

“I see.” There’s a moment of silence, then: “I know this isn’t the right moment to talk about it, but I spoke to him today.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. And the reason I’m bringing it up now is… he actually mentioned your agreement. Your… engagement.”

My stomach clenches. Seriously, with everything he’s done, now he can’t even respect my wish that our friends not know that I debased myself?

“Don’t hate him for it, because I basically forced it out of him. I was… well, I was bitching about you. Blaming you for everything that happened.” She sighs loudly. “Actually, you know what?Dohate him for it. What do I care?”

I bite my bottom lip, sensing there’s more.

“Anyway, he explained. And I see why you’d be anxious about being intimate with someone. When the man you were the most intimate with betrays you like that… when he…” She sniffles. “I’m sorry, I’m making this about me again, aren’t I?” she asks in a choked-up voice. “I just wish I’d known, Ames. I wish you’d felt free to tell me, because I would have never judged you for it. I judgehima lot. In fact, I told Trev that if he comes to the wedding, I won’t be there, so if you know of someone who wants to be a last-minute best man…” she says with a chuckle.

“He’s Trev’s best friend,” I remind her, shock ricocheting through me. “You don’t need to do that.”

“Oh, but I do. I’ll kill him if he shows up. And I’m not just saying that, Ames. I will take my heels off and stab him in both eyes.” She groans. “Trust me, Trev isn’t too happy about him either. How could he ask you something like that? And how did I not see it? You were obviously unhappy, and you never said more than two words about the wedding, and—”

“Martha,” I whisper, “I appreciate this, but your timing is really unfortunate.”

“Yeah, of course, you’re right. This isn’t the moment for apologies. This is the moment to leave it all behind. All the pain and the self-doubt and the heaviness of the last year of your life. You leave it here, Ames, because now it’s time to reap the fruits. And I hope with all my heart that what’s waiting for you is ahugebanana.”

A chuckle bursts out of me and, holding myself against the radiator, I breathe out slowly. “I haven’t had sex in so long, M.”

“Oh, it’s like riding a bike. Takes a lot of effort and doesn’t always get you too far.”

Breaking into laughter again, I shake my head. God, I’ve missed her.

“You’ll be fine, Ames. If he’s a good guy, someone who cares about you, you’ll be fine.” She sounds like she’s smiling as she continues, “Just make sure he’s as far from Frank as possible.”

She’s right. She’s totally right. Ian and Frank might as well be from different species. I’m being utterly ridiculous. “Yeah. Okay.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”