Page 103 of The Wedding Menu

What if I did break the engagement? What if I never saw Frank again? Could I give up such a fundamental part of my life? Could I do it for Ian, and, even more importantly, could I do it for myself?

“What happens then?” I sniffle against his chest as he drops kisses on the top of my head. “If I break the engagement off… what will I do?”

His chest heaves against me. “We’ll figure it out together.”

“Frank and I bought this apartment. How’s that going to work? And how am I going to tell everyone the wedding is off? What will I say?” I restlessly shift against his chest, looking up at his face and begging for solutions. Begging for a magic fix. “How can I just turn my back on him? Everyone will hate me. Everyone will blame me and hate me.”

“Amelie, we’ll take it one step at a time.”

“No, Ian, no,” I wail as I push myself off his chest. “That’s not enough. You can’t tell me I should destroy everything—hurt every person in my life—and expect me to be okay not having a plan. What about us, huh? You say you have feelings for me, then you say if I want to, you’ll be my friend.” As anger mounts in my chest, I cross my arms. “But you never said you want to be with me, did you?”

His mouth opens but no sound comes out. His eyes are dewy, his forehead creased with worry, but he says nothing. And for the first time, Ian disappoints me too.

“Right. You’ve got plenty of answers when it comes to fixing my life, but what about yours?” I angrily wipe the tears off my face. “You don’t want a girlfriend. You might have feelings for me, but you don’t want me.”

When he reaches forward, I take a step back.

“I want to be with you, Amelie. Of course I do.”

“But?”

He shakes his head. “There is no ‘but.’?”

“But, Ian?” I insist. I know there’s something. I can see the doubt in his eyes, the insecurity, the dread.

“But I can’t promise you a wedding. A marriage.” His eyes sweeten. “It’s the one thing I can’t do, and I know it’s important to you, but you don’t need a marriage to know I won’t leave. I’ll prove it to you by choosing you every day.”

My eyes water again. “You’re asking me to stop making sacrifices for others, to put myself first, to indulge in that ‘Fuck it’ attitude you have about everything so that I can start all over again with you.”

“No.” Gingerly, he steps closer and takes a gentle hold of my chin. “That’s why I didn’t make this about us.” He slowly inhales and tucks some hair behind my ear. “Because it’s not about that. It’s about you. If Frank isn’t the man you love, then you shouldn’t be with him. And if getting married is so important to you, then…” His eyes half close, the shimmer in them telling me he’s holding back tears.

“…then I shouldn’t be with you either.”

For a while he says nothing. Just studies my face longingly. And for a while I wish he’d just close the distance between us and kiss me.

But the more he doesn’t, the less I want him to, until my hand finds his and pushes it off my chin. “I should go.”

“Amelie, wait.”

“No, Ian. No.” Tears spill down my cheeks uncontrollably, my nose so stuffy I can hardly breathe. And, God, it angers me because this might be the last time I see him, and I want to smell the fresh scent of clean clothes and man that’s uniquely Ian. “You can’t run after an engaged woman and be surprised that she wants to get married.”

“I know, Amelie. I know. But I can’t choose who I fall for, and marriage is just something I can’t… I can’t contemplate right now. Maybe one day—we could see if—”

“Just forget about it,” I mumble.

“Amelie, I want to be with you. I have feelings for you. Does that not count for anything?” he asks, following me as I prepare to go inside my apartment. “Do you really want a wedding with a jerk who doesn’t love you?”

“You came into my life and disrupted it for nothing, Ian,” I insist as I fumble with my keys.

“Really?Idisrupted your life?” He gives me a dry look. “Not your fiancé sleeping with other women? Not your best friend stealing your wedding?”

“No. You. Because when I met you, I started to see what the alternative was, and it made it impossible to accept anything less.” Frustrated, I turn to him. “You say you don’t know love. Well, news flash, Ian: My mom left. My dad is a huge asshole. I’ve had no other relationship apart from Frank my whole life—” I break off with a sob. “And then I met you. And it feels like… like you taught me what love is.”

His eyes close, his throat working hard. “So did you.”

“And now you’re taking it away from me.” I shake my head. “Dangling it in front of my eyes, then attaching some absurd condition for me to get it. That’s what you said, isn’t it?”

“Amelie, whatever happens between us has nothing to do with the fact that you’re getting married to a man who doesn’t love you. Who you don’t love.”