Page 53

Shane
Feelingridiculous,Isurveyedthe apartment one more time. Cole had been here so often, he practically lived here. There was no reason to be nervous yet a thousand reasons as well.
We’d ventured headlong into what felt like a real relationship with sleepovers, dinners out, and drinks with his friends. He’d even showed up at my apartment when he knew Sara and Isaac would be here. A short overlap, but still he’d made an effort to see them.
Isaac was enthralled with his tattoos and wanted to touch all of them. My nephew and I had that in common. Sara was polite and left without making it obvious she’d departed because of Cole.
Sara hated us together, but as much as I loved her for wanting to protect me, I’d passed the point of no return. I was determined to stay with Cole until the end. When the end came, would I know?
We’d never talked about the change in our relationship or how we’d crossed so many boundaries. The tenuousness of our newly forged relationship held me back from asking about his wedding ring. That conversation might be the end of it all.
And there was still one step I wanted to take, but Cole was holding back. I’d debated pressing the issue, but he’d barreled over so many lines, I had to ask for this one thing.
Cole entered my apartment, calling out “Shane” before his eyes landed on me. I hadn’t regretted giving him the code because twice he’d arrived before me, and one of the times I’d been held up at work for over an hour. He had admitted that he didn’t know anyone in my building and had lied, so I wouldn’t know he’d cyberstalked me.
I didn’t admit that made me tingly. Our truths were doled out sparingly with trepidation. I knew he wasn’t really my boyfriend even if he acted like it. I knew we’d never be an epic love story. But I’d enjoy every minute I had him.
“Hey, I got takeout for us,” I said casually, as if I didn’t purposely get his favorite food.
“Great. I’m starved.” Cole set down his drawstring athletic bag, his usual for overnight stays. So far, so good.
We sat side-by-side at the island, eating and talking about our day and work, the usual for us. I complained about the impending board meeting, which would make or break my career. He listened without commenting but gave me sympathetic nods.
He’d made his opinion clear before. Madyson had talked me into creating a new operating system for The Artistic Edge. Cole had insisted I charge her because it was ridiculous to work for free. I’d agreed and he brought up again that I should start my own business and not have to work for someone else.
The idea was tempting, but I was so close to achieving my dream, I wasn’t going to squander my opportunity.
“I was thinking,” I said, avoiding his eyes while I cleaned up our dishes.
I paused and Cole picked up the conversation.
“I’d be shocked if you weren’t thinking.” He chuckled. “I think the only time you’re not thinking is when I’ve made you come so hard, your brain exits your body.” His front covered my back as he gripped my hips and planted kisses on the side of my neck.
“Yes, exactly that. I want you to fuck me,” I said it. I’d finally said it.
“Did you think I’d planned something else,” his raspy voice made me shudder.
Or course he was going to make this hard. I turned in his arms to look him in the eye.
“I want you inside me. I wantyouto fuck me.” I watched realization wash over his face. With all the things we’d done, he hadn’t penetrated me with his dick, and I was dying for it.
Cole went completely blank. Not eager, upset, or angry. Nothing. Except he retreated a few steps.
“Cole?”
He cared about my well-being and mental health; I knew that for sure. But he didn’t want to take this next step with me. Knowing he cared hurt more than if he didn’t. If I’d been alone in my feelings, it would be easier. Cole might not have wanted to have feelings for me, but he did.
Cole stalked toward me, his mouth found mine, and my body took over before my brain sent up the alarm. He maneuvered me into the bedroom, and as much as I wanted him, I shoved him back.
“What are you doing, Cole? I can’t do this with you if I don’t know what this is.” I hated myself for the way my voice shook.
I’d be a mess at the end, but he didn’t get to see it. I refused to ignore his blank expression or his physical distance.
Cole ran his hand through his hair and made a strangled sound. “I don’t have all the answers.” He made no move to stop my withdrawal from his embrace, so I sat in my armchair.
“I’m listening,” I said when he didn’t continue. I think he’d been hoping sex would do the talking, but I wasn’t having it.
“I want you so badly it scares me,” he said in defeat. “Sometimes it’s like if I don’t get inside you, I’ll die. But...” He looked so lost.