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“Are you seriously hard right now?” Shane waved one hand in my direction and shielded his eyes with the other. “Patronizing me turns you on?” Shane turned toward the door. “I need to go.”
“Wait.” My voice cracked in desperation, and I think that was the only reason Shane stopped. “I’m sorry.”
“That’s not good enough,” Shane said without turning around.
“I’m sorry if that came off as patronizing. It wasn’t my intention, and it definitely wasn’t what turned me on.” My words had no impact on Shane, who stood rigid facing the door, furiously drumming his fingers on his thighs. The need to explain burned my throat. “You should be angry with me. I’m an asshole. I’m being a colossal asshole.”
Shane turned around and motioned for me to continue, looking less fiery.
“I don’t know what you want from me.” It was the truth and a lie. A hypocrite for wanting him.
Shane threw his hands up. “Nothing. Literally. I’ve asked you for nothing but apparently, I had the audacity to try and take what you offered: advice and guidance.”
“I know I’m not being fair to you. The thought of you finding a man to trust with your firsts makes me crazy. There are so many assholes out there who might take advantage of you, hurt you. Thinking of some other man getting to touch you and guide you infuriates me,” I said, enduring his resentful stare. I had to tell him the rest. All of it. Holding his stare, I continued, “Because I want it to be me.”
Shane’s body folded in on itself, and his knees hit the carpet. His mouth opened, but I held up a hand. He needed to hear the rest. I dropped my head, unwilling to watch his expression.
“But I can’t be the one. YouknowI’m not over what happened. If we have sex, the guilt will eat me alive, and I’ll ghost you. I won’t take your calls, and if you show up at the shop, Alec will tell you I’m not there. You deserve to understand why I’m terrible for you.”
The silence stretched for a beat, but my head involuntarily popped up at the strangled sound. Shane shuffled toward me still on his knees as if standing took too much effort.
On his knees before me, his lips twitching, he said, “You’re trying to tell me, you have a unicorn dick, and whoever is lucky enough to experience it, immediately becomes obsessed, and Alec is actually your bodyguard. His job is to keep all crazed stalkers away from said unicorn dick.” Shane’s gaze flickered to my hard-on.
My chest burst with a laugh. “The mouth on you.”
“For the sake of argument, if I were immune to a unicorn dick and didn’t become obsessed, would the guilt hurt you?” Shane’s eyes were questioning, not accusing.
I hated that the answer was “yes” and kept silent.
“I witnessed your grief, and I would never want to add to your pain.” Shane bit his lip, nervous to continue, and I refrained from using my thumb to tug his lip loose. “We’ve already admitted we’re attracted to each other. What I think is different, for both of us, is the way our attraction manifested itself. It has unlocked desires we never knew we had.”
Shane’s explanation was clinical and set me at ease that he wouldn’t push me toward something I wasn’t ready for.
Shane continued, “I can’t unknow the desires you unlocked. To deny them would be to deny a part of myself, which I think would be self-destructive. I’ve seenyourself-destructive guilt and grief. I worry that denying yourself would be all the more detrimental to you. I don’t thinkhewould have wanted that.”
We should be having this conversation on the couch or at the table on equal footing, but he looked so damn beautiful on his knees for me. Logically, I knew everything he said was true. My heart hadn’t been logical a day in my life.
The turmoil in my brain made me blurt out, “I’m too old for you.”
Shane sat back on his heels. “Should I call you, Daddy?”
His low, lust-filled voice caused my cock to jump to attention and ache behind my zipper. The way he said it was nothing like Alec’s teasing. My hand reached into his soft brown hair and tugged. “What do you want?”
I watched his mind start to analyze a way to answer my question. I wanted his answer raw and wrung out of him like he was doing to me. I yanked his head back. “Answer me, Pretty Boy.”
Shane’s eyes dilated, and everything I hoped for spilled out.
“I want you. I want you to be the one to teach me. I want to suck your dick and swallow you down. I want to know what your cum tastes like.” He licked his lips, and I groaned.
“I can’t offer you any more than tonight.” I needed him like this on his knees ready to obey me, but he had to understand this was us scratching an itch. Nothing more.
He tried to nod, but my grip held his head in place, and I wished I’d swallowed his moan. Claiming it as mine.
“Tonight,” he begged. “No strings. No guilt.” Desire raged through me, taking over all of my senses. Shane’s cheek rubbed my cock through my denim and nearly undid me. “Please.”
One night. I’d handle one night without guilt. I had to burn this urge out to let it go.
“Take my cock out. Right. Fucking. Now.”