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“I needed to. I had to.”
“No, you—”
“I love you, Yaya.”
I flinch.
“It’s true. I do.”
“How do you know the love you feel is romantic?”
“Because when I saw you with Sullivan, I wanted to puke and then I wanted to punch something.”
I frown. “A few months ago, you were crying over your ex-girlfriend.”
“That’s because I didn’t realize my feelings until it was too late. You’ve always been by my side, and it wasn’t until you were getting serious about someone else that I woke up and saw the truth.”
It’s hard to look Henry in the eyes when he’s watching me so desperately. I wish I could run away and not touch this topic at all, pretend it never happened.
I lick my lips instead, choosing my next words carefully. “I grew up in a family that always had my back. I’ve never doubted that for a single second. Leaving them to pursue modeling was the hardest decision I’ve ever made. You know that.”
He nods slowly.
“I’ve always been the minority in the room. Always. And it’s a really lonely and exhausting position to be in, so when I met you and we clicked so well, it felt like I was building myself a new family.”
“I felt that way too. Yaya, you’re my family. I can’t exist in a world where you’re not beside me.”
Henry places his hand on mine and I slide my fingers out from under his, shaking my head slightly.
“No, Henry. You don’t understand. You’re family… like a brother.”
His eyebrows crease and he repeats the sign in disbelief. “Brother?”
“I’ve never had romantic feelings for you. And I can’t pretend to understand how you feel, but I don’t really think you have those feelings for me either.”
Henry’s face goes pale and he slowly pulls his hands back to hide them under the table.
“I’m sorry,” I sign.
Neither of us move for a few seconds.
“Then why did you come with me?” His signs get bigger, more agitated. “Why did you walk off with me if you don’t care for me too?”
“I didn’t want to embarrass you. You’re my friend, my brother. Because of our history, I wanted to sit with you and clarify things. You deserve that much, even after everything.”
Henry blinks rapidly.
“I don’t know how it happened. I… I’m still sitting here wracking my brain trying to figure outwhenit happened—”
Henry starts shaking his head as if he already knows where I’m going.
“But I fell in love with Dare.” Signing it feels right. “And I didn’t figure that out until today when I saw him leaving.”
“No.”
“You want to know why I don’t hate you, Henry? It’s because of him. He’s made me so happy, so satisfied, made me feel so perfectly loved and protected, that hating you would take away from loving him. And I’d rather spend all my time and energy loving him back than doing anything else.”
Henry rakes his fingers down the side of his neck in agitation. “He’s going to hurt you, Yaya. And I’m not just saying that because I’ve got skin in the game. We both know hearing people can’t be trusted. Especially not ones as powerful as him. He’s not a part of our community. He willneverunderstand what it’s like to be deaf. No matter how much you explain. No matter how well he learns ASL. You’ll find yourself in a situation where you need someone who gets it and he won’t be able to help. He might even make it worse.”