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I shrugged. "I think they found each other acceptable. Maybe they even liked each other in the beginning. From what I've heard over the years they banded together in high school and followed the path. They kept dating, got jobs, got married, started pumping out babies. I'm not sure they ever put any thought into whether they wanted any of it."

Colin fell silent, staring at Travis hacking at another stack of wood. It wouldn't be future firewood when he was done. It might stand for kindling. But my bet was there'd only be pulp left.

"Is that why they kept having kids? It's just what they were supposed to do?"

It didn't feel good to acknowledge our births were out of obligation to a plan and not out of love, but I didn't see it any other way. "I think so. Yes."

He swore under his breath a few times, his shoulders slumping. "Yeah, I do too. Wait... if they don't like each other, how do they keep making babies?"

I tried not to gag thinking about it. "Well, based on the frequency with which we came along, I think it's safe to assume that activity slowed way down around eighteen years ago."

Colin did gag. "But before that? I hear the stories. Ollie and Karis talk. A lot. I don't think Mom and Dad have done anything together except that. Like, ever."

Yeah, our parents weren't friends and they didn't share hobbies. Travis's parents still rafted down the river every week, hiked on the weekends, and fished. Together. All of it. I knew there were couples out there who enjoyed each other's company. Red and his wife had over thirty years of marriage under their belts, and I couldn't count the number of times I walked in on them sharing a kiss. They held hands. She bought him things just to make him smile and he made her things in his woodworking shop for the same reason.

Our parents just didn't like each other. And divorce, I knew, wasn't in their vocabulary. So instead... they were unhappy, living parallel lives, sucking the joy out of everyone else.

Especially Karis's now that she'd done what they never could.

"Wait." Colin seemed even more confused now. "If they don't like each other... how? How did they have sex? Enough to makenineof us?" He gagged again.

And I would have laughed if the truth wasn't so awful. "I don't think you want me to answer that."

"No, no I do not. Ugh. I won't be able to look at them at dinner ever again. Nope. I need brain bleach. A whole jug of it."

There wasn't much to say to that, so I stopped talking before I traumatized him permanently.

"But you love Marley? What is that like?"

"Like flying," I said without thinking. "It's freedom. I can be myself with her and she never judges me. She likes me just the weird way I am, and I like her with all her quirks. I want to spend all my time with her because she's my favorite person and I would do anything if it made her smile."

In the silence I realized two things: I'd become one of those men who talked about their significant others like they were otherworldly, and that Travis was taking a water break.

I shrugged. "Not everyone wants that though. I think a lot of people would find our relationship smothering. I just... after growing up in the house we did, I wanted the opposite." I liked that we had a lot of things in common and that there were other parts of us that were different. It gave me something to learn and appreciate. I didn't want my life to be completely separate from hers. To have "man time" or live to work. I wanted a best friend and damn did I find her.

Travis picked the chainsaw back up and went at a brand-new section of the fallen tree. This time without the screaming.

"And if you ever date someone I'm worried is going to hurt you, I'll be hacking up a tree too. You know that, right?" I glanced over at my brother and found him staring at me with a frown.

"Of course I know that, Huk. I never doubted it. Ever."

"Good." My voice sounded rough even to me. I might not know how to show all my siblings that I loved them, but I did.

A lot.

Colin moved in front of me, reminding me that he was just as big as me now, even if I did still picture him a foot shorter, all skin and bones. "Huk...you're not always physically here, but you're always there for us. We call, you answer. We need something, you make sure we have it. Mom and Dad don't do that. They never have. It'stough shit kid, figure it out for yourself. And you've always had Travis watch over us. Even if he's the one who needs the watching right now. You're a good big brother." He punched my arm

I punched him back because I didn't have words. None.

"And I'm excited to meet Marley."

I pulled him in for a back-slapping hug. "Love you, little brother."

"Love you too. And it's nice to have you around. Should we take the saw away? I'm afraid he's going to lose a leg."

Yeah, it was time for an intervention. "Why don't you get out of here early? I won't tell Red."

"Okay," Colin said slowly, inching towards his truck. "If you're offering."