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Memories of more than a few moms surrounding me at my car while I was trying to say goodbye to Isla come flooding back and I internally grimace. “Right, thanks.”
“She seemed nice. Maybe you could ask her out? Remember the whole trying to get out more thing?” She points at the piece of paper in my hands. “I did peek. It’s her phone number. She wants you to call her.”
I open the paper and sure enough, I see the ten numbers printed neatly underneath her name. “I never said I wanted to get out more. Besides, I don’t think so.”
“How come?”
“Because I’m not interested?” I look up at her before tossing the piece of paper to the side. “And why did you peek anyway?” Maybe it’s wishful thinking but I wonder if she is feeling a little jealous.
A hint of pink coats her cheeks. “Curiosity? You seem to be very popular with the moms at Rosewood. She’s not the first to mention you,” she says with a wink.
“I’m sorry if they’re bothering you.”
She waves me off. “No, it’s fine.”
“I’m not interested in any of the moms at their school,” I tell her, and I hope she believes that but I try not to fixate on why that is.
“Okay, well, I did my job,” she says and it seems like she’s about to leave when she stops. “Wait, what happened with Sawyer?”
I rub a hand behind my neck and let out a disgruntled sigh. “Shut the door.”
She does as I ask, but her eyes look nervous. “Is everything okay?”
“Maybe? It seems that Sawyer heard some kid talking about his…nanny.”
Her hand freezes while she’s tucking a curl behind her ear and I can see the embarrassment all over her face. “Me?”
“Mmmhmm. I’m not even mad at how he handled it. If I’d heard some man talking about you, I would have probably done worse.”
“Oh.” She swallows and I wonder if I’ve made her nervous. She crosses her arms over her chest. “What did he say?”
“I believe the wordhotwas used?”
A hand covers her mouth. “Oh my gosh. I am so sor–”
I stare at her dumbfounded. “You can’t be serious. You’re not actually going to apologize, are you?”
She fidgets with her hands and avoids my gaze. “I just…don’t know what else to say. He got in trouble over it and…do you want me to talk to Sawyer?”
“No…he’s fine. Everything’s okay. Do not apologize either.”Her eyes meet mine, sparkling and gorgeous and the words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. “Can’t say I blame that kid to be honest.”
Later that night, I’m sitting on my patio having a cigar when the sound of the glass door opening gets my attention. SJ and Isla are asleep and it’s a Friday night, so Margot probably won’t be coming in a minute before her newly set midnight curfew. As I expected, she is enjoying having more freedom and not having to come home right after school. I check her location again and see her icon hovering over the movie theatre where she told me she’d be tonight. She’s never blatantly lied about her whereabouts before but I also know it only takes one instance of mischief for something to happen or for it to become a habit. So, when I turn my head toward the source of the noise, I’m not surprised to see Elianna poking her head through the opening. “Hey, I don’t mean to bother you, but I just want to make sure you aren’t planning to eat anything else before I put the food away.”
“No, I’m good and you’re not bothering me.” I’ve noticed that this is the second time she’s said something along these lines and it makes me wonder about the people that she’s nannied for who may have made her feel like she was a burden. “I wish you’d stop thinking you were,” I add as an afterthought, probably brought on by the glass of scotch I’m nursing.
She shifts her feet and I briefly wonder if my comment has made her uncomfortable. “Well, you say you come out here to have twenty minutes of peace and quiet, if I recall,” she says as she leans against the door jam.
I lean forward in the chair, resting my arms on my thighs while I fidget with the glass in my hand. “Right.”
She doesn’t say anything for a few moments but I can feel her gaze on the side of my face. “Are you okay?”
I don’t respond at first because I don’t want to unleash this on her. I don’t want to talk about what today was or what it meant that I felt this strange wave of sadness that I still don’t understand. “I didn’t think I would struggle with the grief this much,” I tell her when I realize she probably won’t believe me if I tell her I’m fine. She takes a slow step outside, sliding the glass door behind her, and sitting in the chair next to me. “We were divorced, you know? I guess I’m surprised that her absence and the grief that follows still have the power to catch me so off guard.” I take another sip, wishing the burn would erase the one caused by my words.
“Grief is one of those things that really can’t be explained. There’s no real reason as to why it sneaks up on you and I don’t think you’re ever reallythroughit.”
“I mean I guess I shouldn’t be surprised why it did today. It was our wedding anniversary,” I tell her. “Fourteen years and three kids and now she’s just…gone.” I sigh, feeling the weight of my words pressing down on me. “I guess a part of me feels guilty. We were married and then we got divorced and she met this other guy. He was pretty decent. He was crazy about my kids. He loved her better than I did, and…she barely had any time with him.” I feel the emotion in my throat.
“Life sometimes can just be really unfair,” she says softly with understanding eyes.