Page 76

“Babe,” Hannah sighs, “since youarea pastor, you know that in biblical times, adultery was often punished with death by stoning. This would be basically that.”

Luke’s eyes pop wide in the direction of Max, but he recovers quickly, schooling his impression into something more neutral. “I don’t think ‘I was just upholding biblical law,’ will hold up in court, Han.”

“Fine,” Hannah huffs. “I won’t kill you, Max, but I will destroy your precious baseball card collection. How’s that for vengeance?”

“If we’re speaking in biblical terms, vengeance is meant to be the Lord’s,” Luke offers. “And if we’re still going by biblical law, well, then I think you should consider the fact that if you did destroy his baseball card collection, you would then be morally obligated to find a way to rebuild his collection five fold. Assuming baseball cards are akin to cattle.”

“You are not helping,” Hannah informs her husband.

“Sorry,” Luke apologizes, “and if I truly thought there was any chance Max would actually cheat on your sister, I would probably be struggling not to find some way to extract vengeance myself, but, as things stand, there’s just no way Max is cheating on Jill. I don’t believe it. Max is an honorable man of great character.”

My eyes swivel to Max—I can only see his profile, but I know him well enough to recognize that Luke’s belief in him has affected him deeply. Like me with my sisters at times, Max—to an even greater extent—can feel like an outsider or a third wheel when it comes to Luke and Will. After all, the two of them aren’t just closer in age like my sisters compared to me. They’ve also been friends since college, work together, and are in the same stage of life: young marrieds with small children. And truthfully, in the adult years, stage of life often seems to trump being close in age.

Suddenly I need Luke to know he’s right about my husband; heisan honorable man of great character. I’m about to step out of hiding and give up our whole charade, but before I can Max speaks, and the emotion in his voice gives me pause. I think he needs to say whatever is on his mind.

So I wait.

“Thank you, Luke. Your assessment of my character means a lot. I have always strived to live a life of integrity, but even if that wasn’t a priority for me, I love my wife. I’ve never once even been tempted to cheat on her. That being said, I did come up here to get away from Jill, but only for the night. You four haven’t been married quite as long as us, but even so, I imagine you can understand that there are times when you need some space from the other person. Jill and I have been fighting a fair amount lately, and this attorney general situation has only escalated that.”

“So maybe you shouldn’t run for attorney general,” Hannah mutters under her breath.

“Maybe not,” Max agrees, and my heart starts pounding loudly in my ears. He might not run for attorney general? The two of us have been so caught up in the upsurge of our relationship this afternoon, that we’ve been ignoring the issues we still have between us. In the back of my mind I knew we’d have to face them eventually, but, for now, I just wanted to enjoy having fun with my husband again. Now that he’s confessed that he may not run for attorney general after all, I have a newfound desperation to revisit those unresolved issues.

Painful as it is to admit, I do know that I have apologies to make regarding my lack of communication and–brief as they may have been–my plans to sabotage his campaign. The thing is: I really don’t like apologizing to Max. This is largely because apologizing means admitting I’m wrong, and I abhor being wrong. Consequently, the desire to tap on a “but” to any apology I make is hard to resist:I’m sorry I threw away that important paper of yours,butmaybe if you hadn’t left it sitting out on the counter for three days I wouldn’t have done so. I’m sorry I didn’t ask you before committing us to help run the Harvest Festival at the school,butvolunteers are an integral part of a thriving church and school community.And so on.

The temptation to tap on a, “but if you just would’ve asked me first about running then none of this would've ever happened” is going to be hard to resist. Not to mention, there’s a part of my heart that insists Max should be the one apologizing to me; or at the very least, going first with his apology. He owes me one too, right?

Oh goodness. Can I be humble enough to tamp down the self-righteousness instinct that’s rearing its ugly head and give my husband the unconditional apology he deserves?

No. Probably not. My pride is too great. The only way I can truly find the strength to do so is to ask God for some of His strength. But will He give it to me? Or will He perhaps view me as behaving like a sullen teenager, all but ignoring my parents until I need something from them?

I seriously need to get back to regularly tapping into the correct power source: Jesus.

“Me running for attorney general is something Jill and I need to discuss further,” Max goes on, “and frankly, it’s something I need to pray about. I hope to spend some of my time tonight doing just that. I haven’t been doing nearly enough of it.”

A warm, tingly feeling spreads through my body. Max wants to pray about his decision. It would seem he too is feeling convicted about the state of his relationship with God. The revelation bolsters my resolve: Iwillapologize to him. No buts about it. I peer out into the hallway to see how the others are reacting to Max’s words.

Brooke and Luke both look appeased, the room service delivery guy has long since made himself scarce, and Hannah…well, actually she still has a stiff expression on her face. Hannah has always really liked Max, so I’m surprised she’s not taking him at his word. Then again, she did once find out that the man she was dating was secretly engaged to someone else the whole time. I suppose that would make anyone less trusting of others.

“What about the hair clip? And the room service for two?” she demands. “Explain those, Max.”

“This—” he lifts the clip to Hannah, “is Jill’s clip. I had just discovered it when you started banging on the door. As for this room service order, it’s not for two. It’s a two-course meal. One of these plates is a salad.” He lifts the lid to reveal a scrumptious looking spinach salad. “Jill’s been on me lately to eat more greens. Says spinach saves lives thanks to both its cancer-fighting and anti-depressive properties.”

I smile to myself. Sure he’s lying about who the salad is actually for, but it’s nice to know that he listens to some of the informational monologues I give on various topics.Rants, as Hannah–and now my kids by extension–call them.

Also, that salad looks delicious. I press a hand to my stomach hoping it doesn’t growl and give me away.

“I see.” Hannah appraises him, and I’m shocked to see tears lining her irises. “Well, good,” she says thickly. “That’s good. I’m fine,” she adds shrilly as Luke makes a concerned move toward her. “I actually would like a moment alone with my brother-in-law,” she adds. “Would you two mind?”

Luke and Brooke exchange a look, but then both nod.

“I should go see if Will managed to get Walter back outside anyway,” Brooke says with a shrug.

“I’ll get back in line,” Luke tells Hannah. “Save our spot.”

“Thanks, honey.” Hannah gives his hand a grateful squeeze. Luke and Brooke disappear from my line of sight, and Hannah approaches Max, a strange look in her eyes.

“Look, Max,” she begins, “I’m sorry I accused you of cheating on Jill, but—” (look at that, she can’t do an apology without a “but” either; this brief surge of vindication is quickly stamped out by Holy Spirit conviction), “I need you to know that watching the two of you struggle this last year or so has really stunk and not just because I think of you like a brother—which Itruly do, by the way—but because I had no idea how to help. Jill has always been so independent, so…limitless. Taking care of everyone else, but never letting anyone return the favor. The only time we’ve truly seen a crack in her facade of perfection before this year was when…well, you know—”