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Their happiness no longer cast a shadow on mine, but I didn’t tell him that. My happiness was overshadowed by a completely different monster cast in the mold of the twisted sense of humor that the universe had unfurled.
“Aarti?” he nudged. “Are you still up?”
“No, I’m in deep sleep right now,” I responded, and he laughed.
I breathed in the salty air. “I think it’d be best if I was alone that night.”
“Are you still hurting?” he asked.
“Are you?” I countered with some anger.
“No. Are you?”
The honest answer was Iwashurting but not from Sameer. I was hurting because I couldn’t tell Sujit that I was in love with him.
SUJIT
Icouldn’t bring myself to forget the dream I had about Aarti. It was so vivid, so visceral that its aftereffects shook my world well into the following week. I knew it wasn’t just my overactive subconscious at work. It was me, with all the free will involved.
I had spotted desire in her eyes more than once, but the timing of this connection couldn’t have been more inopportune. If I had met Aarti outside of our current situation, it would’ve been a straightforward and rosy path to our happiness together. Our intertwined, murky histories made this a complicated situation.
On several occasions over the past two weeks, I considered disclosing my feelings to her, only to be reminded of her conversation with her brother. She had vehemently dismissed the possibility of us, either from embarrassment or from the fear of losing her family’s trust in her. In either scenario, the loss would be mine. If her happiness was closely linked to her family’s name and business, I could never be a part of it. On the other hand, if she was put in a position to choose between the two, my fear was she’d choose me, and I’d hate myself for it.
My predicament notwithstanding, I wasn’t about to desert her on the night of the wedding. The wedding, or the marriage itself, had stopped being the all-consuming entity it had been a couple of months ago. Now, it was merely a date that, for a reason, was etched in our minds but was destined to have little impact on our lives. I liked it that way. The gift I’d arranged to send Tara on her wedding day was a testament to this.
I studied the invitation to the charity event that I held in my hand. I attended such events only when my presence was deemed mandatory. Usually, my checks were more appreciated than me, I had long surmised. This holiday party, though, seemed like the perfect way to celebrate the night.
I texted Aarti.
Free for a call?
She called me back instantly.
“How’s it going?” I asked.
“Just stopped by the new place to take a look at the renovations. The electrical system needs an overhaul at this property too.” The weariness in her voice was surpassed by a sense of pride for her work.
“Well, here’s something that might cheer you up.”
“Let me guess, you discovered another hidden gem with amazing food?”
I laughed. “Better. How would you like to go dancing?”
“Ha ha, you got me,” she said, then quickly added, “Hey, give me a minute.”
I heard her give instructions to the crew amid sounds of scraping metal.
“Don’t you have people who can do this for you?” I asked when she returned on the call.
“I do, but I trust myself better,” she said. “So, you said dancing?”
“Yes, why would you think I was joking?”
“I thought you were teasing me for that night in St. Martin. You are serious.”
“I am, and I’m surprised at your surprise.”
She hesitated. “It’s only because I thought you couldn’t dance—wouldn’t—didn’t, I mean.”