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We placed our order amid a bit of initial awkwardness. After a few minutes of small talk, she went straight to business.
“So, what did you want to talk about?”
“You’re not going to let me have my coffee first?” I teased, and she smiled.
I readjusted myself in the chair. “I told you yesterday I met someone and felt something?”
She nodded just as the server approached and placed two artistically finished lattes before us. Tara grabbed the tiny tongs, dropped three sugar cubes from the ceramic holder, and put the lid back. I eyed her as I brought my cup to my lips.
“Go on,” she urged, stirring hers.
“It’s Sujit.”
Her spoon dropped in the cup, slumping against the rim. “Sujit?MySujit?” she asked, and I laughed.
“Yes, the one you ditched for Sameer,” I teased, and her eyes traveled to the table with a smile.
“Tell me more. Tell me everything,” she said, looking back up at me.
When I finished narrating how we had met and how the friendship had evolved over the months, I confessed, “I think I might be falling for him.”
The smile on her face had grown systematically wider, and she finally lifted her cup to her lips. “I don’t blame you, he’s very lovable.”
I looked into her eyes. “Did you really love him, Tara?”
She placed her cup back and interlaced her fingers resting on the table. “I did. I still do, in a way. I care for him deeply, but when I saw Sameer again, I remembered what we had. The heat, the need, the hunger, it was deeper, more urgent. I felt it in my heart, in the pit of my stomach. But when I am in his arms, it’s peaceful, quiet, and comfortable. I don’t know how to explain it.”
“I know. It’s how I feel with Sujit. This yearning that arises sometimes in the heart, sometimes below the belly, and takes over completely. It’s warm and needy. It’s the kind of frenzy I can’t understand. But it’s more. I feel calm, grounded, and protected around him.”
She smiled and leaned in to pat my hand. “That sounds awfully like more than feelings, Aarti.”
“Don’t say it, don’t say the word.”
“I won’t. I know it’s scary. Been there, done that. Twice.” She nursed the giant cup in her hands.
“I feel like you’re the only person I can share all this with. I fear people will judge me for my desires. Ridicule me. With you, I have an upper hand since you stole my boyfriend and all,” I teased.
She gave me a wicked smile and said, “Not boyfriend,fiancé, remember?”
I shook my head as I drained the last of my coffee. “Don’t remind me.” And we both burst out laughing. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“I was so envious of you, Aarti. The first time I saw you, I thought I could never compete with her. She’s the definition of perfect—beautiful, gorgeous, stylish. It pained me to see how good you both looked together.”
“And I was envious of how he looked at you with so much love and admiration. I’m still a little envious of how happy you are together.”
She turned more somber despite the slight smile gracing her face. “Have you told Sujit how you feel?”
I shook my head just as the server came back out again and put the omelets before us.
“You’re scared,” she observed as I picked up my fork.
“I’m terrified.”
“Because?”
Tara was a smart woman, and I was glad I was talking to her about this. She had the distance from me that made her objective, and she knew Sujit intimately, which made her the perfect person to advise me.
“Because even though I think he feels the same way about me, I can’t be sure. And because the world might ridicule us for falling for each other.”