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When Tara broke up with me, I had asked her to tell me something she hated about me. One thing that irked her. She had no answer because she only saw my virtues, not my limitations. If Aarti were to stay in my life, I wanted her to see me in my entirety, complete with my drawbacks.
“When Tara’s mother was here,” I began, “we kind of formed a friendship of our own. Tara was in Dallas, and I promised to look in on her mother, even though Tara hadn’t expected ordemanded it. When we broke up, Tara’s mother called me and told me how sorry she was, that it was perhaps her fault that Tara went back to Sameer.”
Aarti’s eyes shone with curiosity. This was a side of the story she had never heard. No one else knew this.
“How so?” Aarti asked.
“Aai told me how free and happy Tara looked when she was with Sameer. With me, she seemed restrained, like she respected me, but something was amiss. When Tara came clean to her, Aai urged her to consider giving Sameer another chance.”
“She told you all this?”
“At least that’s what I gathered. Aai spoke in broken English, and I understand none of the three languages she speaks. She said she respected me too much to see me hurt and couldn’t leave the country without asking for my forgiveness.”
Aarti listened with rapt attention.
“I told Aai she never needed to apologize because she was my friend. And I still call her Aai. That’s mother in Marathi,” I said in a soft voice, trying to gauge Aarti’s reaction.
The problem was she gave me none. I don’t know what I had expected when I shared this with her, but she merely blinked as she listened.
“We check up on each other on WhatsApp, and she told me she’s taking English lessons back home, so the next time she’s here, we can have a proper conversation.”
“Why are you telling me this?” Aarti finally asked.
I pulled in a soft breath. “You said you trusted me, and I want you to know everything about me. This is who I am. This is how I think and feel.”
She lay completely motionless for several moments before she asked, “Can I give you a hug?”
“Do you feel sorry for me?” I asked with some offense.
“No,” she responded with a smile. “I feel incredibly proud to know you.”
That wasn’t the reaction I was expecting. “And you are not upset?”
“Why would that upset me?”
“I feel like we’ve become close confidants, and I don’t want you to feel like I’ve been betraying your trust by hiding my friendship with Tara’s mother and her friend.”
She let out a giggle, the one that I cherished. “You are silly, you know? There aren’t many men I know who have such a healthy view of relationships. I am grateful to know you, to have your trust, and to know that I can trust you.”
A sense of peace enveloped me. “In that case, come here.” I opened my arms, and she slipped into them. When I placed a kiss on her forehead, she snuggled in closer.
“Why does this feel so comfortable, Sujit?” She now lay with her head on my arm. She had slipped out of her comforter and under mine. I readjusted to accommodate her in it.
“Maybe because we can just be ourselves with each other. We don’t need masks or excuses.” I sighed. “Relationships are peculiar. Look how close we have come in this short time. But I can’t explain it to my family, just as I can’t explain my friendship with Tara’s mother or her friend, Sona, who is still a good friend. Like your brother, I’m sure my family will throw all kinds of advice and words of caution at me.”
And this was the moment I wanted her to dispel all fears and tell me that she didn’t care about the world or what my family thought of our relationship. Perhaps even admit that she liked me enough to fight against the world.
She didn’t, but it didn’t crush me. Being with her, having her in my arms, however briefly, felt like a privilege. An undeserving mortal like me shouldn’t expect a goddess to stay in my arms forever, but I was elated that at least I had her in my life for now.
I placed another kiss on her forehead and released a satisfied sigh. “You know, I’ve not felt this relaxed in a long time. I might not have my day at the beach anytime soon, but a snowy day in feels just as good,” I said with a chuckle against her ear.
AARTI
It was the little things, as my mother had observed several times. Love and care were epitomized in the most mundane actions of routine life.
But I didn’t dolittle. I couldn’t. It wasn’t in my nature.
Lying in his arms by the fire, I decided I would give him his day at the beach. I was determined to fight against destiny, against him, to give him the happiness that no one else would. I wanted the smiles that were exclusively for me. I resolved to make him happy the way he brought me joy.