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It does

We’re still meeting there, right?

Arlene

Yeah

We’d discussed taking the subway together, but it hadn’t made any sense logistically. Did it make me more nervous to show up to a kink club alone, even if I wasn’t going to walk inside?

Yes, but… I was going to be an adult about it. Besides, it would be good for me, like a little test. It was how I’d started thinking about it.

It was all good.

I should’ve baked something, though. That would’ve given me something to do with my hands—while waiting, too—and it would’ve distracted Claude from my ramped-up anxiety.

Then again, it probably wouldn’t have changed a lot. Claude seemed like the kind of person who saw through that. Well, they’d be really happy about the sweets—they reminded me of a gremlin when there was food in front of them—but they’d call me out for it.

I didn’t want to be called out for my dysfunctional coping mechanisms just yet.

They weren’t even that dysfunctional.

I could be taking drugs, or I could be some unhinged adrenaline junkie. Instead, I just baked an inordinate amount of sugary food.

“Hi!”

I should’ve definitely baked something. It really would’ve gotten rid of some excess nervous energy.

“Hi.” Was it me, or was Claude’s voice sultrier than usual? “Ready?”

I gulped down. No, no I was not ready. Claude looked…

I thought they’d said they’d only wear a harness over some basic clothes. There had been nothing there about leather pants, or the dark makeup that was framing their eyes so well, or…

I should’ve put on some makeup. I just was not the best at it, and I ended up smudging it all over the place, so I thought it would be safer if I only put on some chapstick.

I was now questioning that choice.

Really questioning it.

“What is it?” Claude tilted their head to the side. “You should see your face right now.”

I took in a deep breath. I tried to, at least. I knew they didn’t mean anything negative by it, but… Yeah, I was definitely overwhelmed.

“Sorry.” I winced. I didn’t mean to apologize exactly, but the word just slipped out. “I swear I was keeping it together.”

Claude watched me for a minute. At least, it felt like a minute—a long, agonizing one. “I believe you. And if you want to grab an Uber back to my place, we can do that.”

“No,” I nearly stammered the word. Damn. “I can do it.”

I wanted to do it, and there was no way I’d survive the mortification of leaving without even stepping a foot inside.

“Okay.” Their fingers wrapped around my wrist. The innocent touch gave me goosebumps. Claude noticed, but it didn’t stop them. “Squeeze my hand twice, and we’re out, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Maybe it was silly, but having that? Without me being the one who’d asked for a signal? It felt like I was taking my first real breath since I’d started pacing around the nondescript industrial building.

“Let’s go, then?”