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Where would I be without your help and comfort?" I

reminded her.

"I should have looked after you better, Gabriel.

I should have warned you about the evil that lurks

deep within some people, and I shouldn't have left you

alone so much. It's my fault," she said.

"No it isn't, Mama. I was stupid and blind. I

shouldn't have been wandering around in my own

dreamworld so much."

"It's been hard," she said. "It's like you never

had a father. Be so careful about who you fall, in love

with, Gabriel," she warned. "It's so important. That

first decision decides the road you'll follow, all the

turns and hills, the twists and gullies."

"But, Mama, if you couldn't see the future, how

can I expect to do so?"

"You don't have to see the future. Just don't be

as trusting anymore and don't let your heart tell your

mind to shut up." She rocked and shook her head. "Will Daddy ever change, Mama?"

"Fraid not, sweetheart. What's rotted in his

heart has taken hold of him. Now he's just a man to

endure. Looks like you and I will have to tend to

ourselves."

"We'll do fine, Mama. We always have." "Maybe," she said. She smiled. "Of course we

will," she said, and patted my hand. We hugged and

then talked about other things until we both grew tired

and decided to go to sleep.

I had to pump my breasts again and again; I

conjured the image of baby Paul as I did so. I fell

asleep dreaming of his tiny fingers and his sweet face. Late in the morning Daddy returned. He was