Page 125

It wasn't until that moment, until I had traveled

on my own cloud of ecstasy and seen what love and

true passion could be, that I fully understood Mama's

burden and felt truly sorry for her. I wished I could

tell her, but I knew if I uttered a single word that

suggested anything, she would forbid me to leave the

house and find a way to drive Pierre from my life

quickly. Some secrets, I thought, were necessary, but I

believed, I hoped, that maybe there would be a time

when they wouldn't be.

Of course, I was still very young and had no

idea how dark the future could be. Only Mama knew

that; only she had the vision. For the moment I didn't

want her to look into my future. I'd rather be like one

of my swamp turtles and pull in my head until the

storms passed. The question was, did I have as hard a

shell with which to protect myself?

Daddy surprised us by not getting drunk and

staying away as he usually did whenever he got into a

row with Mama. He returned home that night, sober,

and he was up early the next morning.

"I got me an important job today," he said when

I came down to the kitchen. "Those rich people from

New Orleans you were asking about the other day sent

word they were returning for another hunting trip." "Monsieur Dumas?" I said after a slight gasp. "Oui. I'm buying a new pirogue because they're

bringing a few more with them," he told me. "Got me

a loan yesterday. I have to pay a lot of interest

because someone won't lend me the money without

interest," he added, glaring at Mama. She pretended

not to hear him complain. "Anyway, they're bringing