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Ashley and Esther kissed, and it felt real.

23

Esther

Esther crashed, back first, against the front door of Ashley’s parents’ house—Ashley’s chest pinning her to the cool wood, her blond waves blocking out the rest of the world. Distantly, Esther registered that they were still kissing, as Ashley scraped at the lock with her key.

Ashley was kissing her, and it was better than any other kiss.

Because this time, Esther knew she wasn’t just being a good friend or admiring another girl’s outfit or hair or body. Esther was kissing Ashley because she wanted to kiss Ashley. And as Ashley’s hand found the side cutout in Esther’s dress and worked her leg between Esther’s thighs, a few other ideas popped into Esther’s mind.

The door flew open, and they both fell into the house.

“Sorry, sorry.” Ashley caught her balance on the catch-all table by the door with one hand and Esther’s waist with the other. “I always hated that lock. Tends to stick.”

Now that they were separated and breathing again, Esther realized where the night was headed. They’d shared a bed all week, but until now, that was all.

Ashley must have seen her concern because she cupped Esther’s cheek.

“Hey. What’s going on?” Her eyes traced back and forth between Esther’s, and her brows pinched together. “Listen, nothing has to happen tonight. I don’t want to do anything you don’t want to do. If you’re not comfortable, we can just leave this where it is. I can even take the couch if…you know. If things are weird now.”

Her phone buzzed, and she stepped back to glance at an incoming text.

It also gave Esther some space. A moment to take in what was happening and what she wanted to happen without the fuzzying effect of Ashley’s nearness. Something had happened at that bar. Maybe it was singing on a stage in front of dozens of strangers. Maybe it was seeing Ashley come out in all her glowing bravery, but Esther wanted to be brave too.

And she wanted it all. No more hiding from herself, no more keeping her distance. Ashley was strong and indestructible, and she wanted Esther just as much as Esther wanted her.

“Okay. That was my parents wishing us a happy New Year. They decided to take up the Millers’ offered guest room and go heavy on the champagne tonight, so it sounds like they won’t be back until morning. Mom promises they’ll be back in time to see us off.”

Her voice was calm, but Esther knew Ashley had to realize what that meant. They had the house to themselves, and Esther had just kissed Ashley.

“Look.” Ashley remained by the door, her hands grabbing the entry table behind her. “I understand that the power dynamics are off here. You’re at my childhood home in a state you’venever been to, and I happen to be a creature of the night. So, I’m going to be proactive and say I don’t expect anything beyond our originally agreed upon terms of fake dating. I will default to sleeping in Oma’s old room when the sun comes up like I should have been doing this whole week.”

“Ashley.” Esther took Ashley’s hand, stopping her rambling before she ended up offering to chain herself in a closet or something. “I like you.”

“You like me.” Ashley said it like a statement, but her furrowed brows said she still wasn’t sure what Esther meant.

She needed to be more explicit.

“I like you.” Esther continued, stepping closer so she had to tilt her head up to look Ashley in the eye. “And not as a fake girlfriend or a classmate or even just as a friend.”

She ran her thumb along Ashley’s knuckles, trying to coax her into relaxing her other hand from the table, to let go.

“I like you because you’re funny, and you’re sweet, and you’re sexy as hell. I like you because you notice things like a difference in power dynamics, but also that you come from a touchy family that enjoys hugs.” Esther bit her lip. She was losing momentum and getting embarrassed by all of her declarations, but she needed to finish if she wanted this night to go as hoped. “I know at one point you seemed interested, and maybe now I’m coming off strong, but if you’re still interested, I’d like to get rid of the fake part of our relationship.”

“Yes, please.” Ashley pulled their joined hands behind her back, pressing them snugly chest to chest, and tangled her other hand in Esther’s hair. “Tell me what you want. Because I’ll go as far as you’ll let me.”

A laugh escaped her at Ashley’s eager answer.

“I haven’t…umm been with a woman before,” Esther said. “So, I was kind of hoping you could take the lead maybe.”

“Damn it, Esther.” Ashley looked up at the ceiling, and Esther worried she’d said something wrong. “You make the sweetest speech and dump all this trust on me. You’re going to make me cry, and I really don’t want to cry right now.”

“Did you need me to sing some more of ‘Auld Lang Syne’?” Esther joked. “Bring the mood back.”

“Fuck that.”

Before Esther fully processed the novelty of Ashley cussing, they were in her bedroom, standing at the foot of her bed, and Esther had an overwhelming sense of having moved without seeing it. Like being in a high-speed elevator. There was a click, and Ashley was near a Bluetooth speaker. A simple trilling piano filled the room, accompanied by a deep crackling baseline. The contradicting sounds were confusing but wildly sexy.