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Her arm grew heavy. That was what Esther told herself as slowly, it lowered closer and closer to Ashley’s lips until Ashley’s cool fingers curled like lover’s claws around her bicep and another around her wrist. She gasped at the feel of Ashley’s lips on her inner elbow and sank into the moment.

No consequences, no danger. Just Ashley’s skin on her own, Ashley’s tongue running down that sensitive joint, Ashley’s teeth scraping, testing the limit of her skin.

It wasn’t until a gentle tug from Ashley nearly knocked Esther over that she realized how dizzy she was.

“Ashley.” Her voice was barely a whisper.

Ashley didn’t respond, and at first, Esther thought maybe she hadn’t heard her. This was fine. What a way to go, really. All pleasure and no pain.

But Esther remembered she wasn’t done living. She touched Ashley’s cheek. “Babe, you’re done.”

The hand around Esther’s bicep tightened. Ashley took a shuddering breath as she pulled away.

“Esther.” Something in Esther’s face must have been upsetting because Ashley’s eyes watered and her arm wrapped around Esther’s waist, helping her sit. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to go so long.”

“It’s all right.” Esther touched Ashley’s cheek, marveling at the slight flush to it. “Let’s go back to our seats.”

18

Ashley

Everything was exactly as Ashley remembered and also fit like a sweater that shrank two sizes in the wash. The black, empty cornfields passed by the window of the rental car as she drove, navigating by muscle memory. If someone had asked her how to get from the airport to her parents’ house, she would have had no way of telling them. Twelve years had flown by, but the second she got into the car and Esther buckled in next to her, she pulled out of the parking lot, turned a confident left, and kept driving.

They drove in silence, Esther keeping to herself and Ashley fiddling with the radio, which never kept a station out on the country roads. It hadn’t snowed yet, or at least not enough to stick, so driving wasn’t difficult. The dark and barren fields kept bringing her back to her first few years post-transformation when she was all on her own and scared of her own shadow. She couldn’t help hitting the accelerator to hurry their trip along.

“Did you want a break?” Esther asked after an hour of driving. “I could take a turn.”

“No, we’re almost there.” Ashley kept her eyes glued to the road, the headlights giving her tunnel vision.

“Ashley.” Esther’s voice was cautious, as though she sensed something was wrong.

But nothing was wrong. She was just driving. They would be there any minute. Just a few more miles to go.

“Ashley, can you pull over?”

“No.” The last thing Ashley wanted to do was stop out here in the middle of nowhere.

“Ashl—”

“I said no!” she yelled and cringed at how her voice took up the whole car.

She was fine. She was fine.She was fine.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong!” Ashley didn’t know how to stop yelling.

“Sorry, that was the wrong question.” Esther kept her voice low.

The road blurred in front of her as her eyes watered. She was being managed. Esther thought she was out of control. And maybe she was, but she couldn’t stop the car. Not here. Not in this infinite black.

“What I meant was, what are you thinking about?”

Ashley wiped her eyes on her sleeve, clearing her vision again. “I’m thinking I’m a terrible travel companion.”

“Hush.”

Ashley snuck glances at her but kept her eyes mostly to the road.