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Ashley could die of embarrassment. She loved family? Was she a creep trying to hit on other people’s innocent relatives? Who said things like that? And Esther took her babbling like a champ.

Of course, all the embarrassing things she said came back to her as she mounted the steps to Esther’s house that Friday, promptly at six. And empty-handed. She was claiming to be good with family and yet not even flowers or a bottle of wine. Except that the vampires reset all her government IDs to twenty when she came back, so no wine purchasing for her. She suspected this was part of her punishment, though no one outright told her.

So much for being the smart and put-together human she was trying to embody. Esther’s family was stuck with an empty-handed fool of a vampire for dinner.

She sighed as she knocked on the door.

The door opened a crack, and a small boy somewhere between the age of five and ten—based on her limited knowledgeof children—with dark, floppy brown hair wearing a T-shirt with what looked like a hyper-pixelated pie poked out his head.

“You’re not allowed in here,” he said.

Did she have the right house?

“Hi, I’m Ashley.” She hadn’t interacted with kids in literal decades, but surely, they responded similarly to adults or semi-adults—wherever she fell on the spectrum—with a direct approach. “Does Esther live here?”

“Stranger danger,” he yelled at her and hissed.

Esther’s voice called from farther inside. “Leave her alone, Jason. Don’t listen to him, Ashley. He’s just joking.”

The boy scowled before running away, leaving the door swinging on its hinge. This was awkward. She’d never been in a situation like this before. Curious, she reached through the open doorway. As she suspected, her hand met an invisible wall. This was the dumbest piece of nonsensical lore and served no purpose whatsoever. Yet here it was, ruining her life. She tried feeling along the opening for—for what? A weak spot where a vampire needing permission to enter a human’s house didn’t count? It was smooth like glass, but when she tried knocking, the magical force field wouldn’t make a sound.

Interesting. If only she could write her ethnography on the struggles of being a new vampire in the twenty-first century. But then shereallywouldn’t get into the Family. As much as Hannah and Claribel supported Ashley’s education, none of them would be keen on the idea of her revealing the existence of vampires to Professor Jenkins. Not that her professor would believe it anyway.

But back to the problem at hand.

“Hey, Esther,” she called, hoping Esther was still within hearing distance. “Is it okay if I come in?”

“Yes, yes. I’m just finishing up with the side. Make yourself comfortable.”

Ashley reached out again, and this time, her hand felt no resistance. What a ridiculous curse. Was there any vampire lore more outdated than not being able to walk through a freaking door when she wanted to?

She stepped into the entryway, and a wave of energy blew over her, heat lapping at her skin like someone had left a giant oven open. She hissed, covering her face with her arms to try to block whatever was attacking her. She pressed against the opposite wall.

Through her fingers, she made eye contact with an extremely mopey-looking Jesus, nailed to a cross. Dammit, there had to be a crucifix right there at the entryway?

Esther came around the corner then. “Is something wrong?”

Ashley dropped her arms from her face. “No, I just, umm… I bumped my elbow on the door is all. Funny bone.”

She rubbed her elbow for show and tried putting on the most authentic-looking smile she could, despite burning alive standing there.

They needed to move. Now. Before her face turned red and started sizzling.

“Is there somewhere I can leave my coat?” She ducked past Esther into what looked like the living room.

More flames came at her from all directions.

Figurines and shadow boxes and ornate crosses covered the walls and tables of the living room.

“That’s a lot of Jesus.” Ashley tried her best to sound casual. “And some Marys as well. Is your uncle Catholic?”

“Oh.” Esther’s voice softened, and she toyed with a piece of her hair, looking around the room.

Ashley internally kicked herself. If she wasn’t so distracted by the pain of each object burning into her skin, she would have remembered religion was a taboo topic for first-time visitors.

“Yes,” Esther said. “This whole side of my family is very religious.”

“Well, they’re charming.” Ashley gestured at a nearby Mary trying to burn her hand to a nub. If she kept her distance, she could hopefully make it through this evening without looking like a boiled lobster. “Sometimes it’s nice to have a community with a common pursuit. Makes us feel less alone in the world.”