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“What time is it?” I blurt out, quickly climbing off Sterling.
It’s a little ungraceful, but I manage to slide to the ground before standing up again to hunt for my phone.
“Fuck!” I shout when it see it’s already 6:30.
I hurriedly start grabbing the articles of clothing spread out on the floor. Uncaring that he’s still watching, I quickly unbutton his shirt, sliding it to the ground. I start putting on my bra and that seems to spur Sterling into action.
“Hey, calm down,” he says, sitting up on the couch.
“I have to get home before Anika wakes up,” I inform him, pulling on my panties and then my shirt.
Sterling stands, walking over to me. He grabs the leggings out of my hands before I have the chance to finish dressing.
“Emilia, breathe,” he orders.
He’s right. I need to calm down. I inhale a soft breath and then another, trying to think clearly. I have about two to three hours before my sister’s alarm goes off. It’ll be fine. I take the time to look at the man standing in front of me. He looks way too good for 6:30 in the morning.
“You calm?” he asks after a couple of minutes.
I nod.
“Good, because we need to talk, angel.”
The weight of everything that happened last night crashes down on me. I look down at my feet, thinking of the best way to handle the situation. He’s right. We do need to talk.
“Okay,” I agree. “Could you hand me my pants, first?”
He does so, and once I’m fully dressed, I head over to take a seat on the couch. Memories of what happened on it last night run through my head like a loop.
He can tell that I need space right now. Sterling doesn’t come close to me. Instead, he leans against the wall beside the TV, directly opposite me. His green eyes are fixed on me intently, like he’s trying to guess at my thoughts.
Neither of us says anything for a long moment. I’m trying to organize my thoughts and I guess he is as well. I think about the events that led to us having sex last night and come to aconclusion. An explanation that makes sense. But it does make me feel a little sick.
“I think…” I start nervously, “emotions were high last night. Neither of us was thinking properly. And a part of me feels like I took advantage of the pain you were feeling.”
Sterling’s face crumples and he looks like I slapped him. I hear a muttered, “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” right before his eyes sharpen.
“I think I can decide for myself what I want and don’t fucking want in the moment. And I thought you wanted it, too.”
He sounds hurt, and I hate that I’m responsible for that. But this is what’s best for us. It has to be.
“I did. We’re both grown adults that can take responsibility for our actions,” I tell him.
“Okay, so what’s the problem?” he retorts.
“The problem is that we got carried away. It’s the hormones. They took over, made us do something we shouldn’t have.”
Sterling chuckles darkly. “Oh, this is rich. How do you even come up with these things, angel?”
“We shouldn’t have had sex yesterday,” I say firmly. “It should have never happened. But it did and we just have to move on while living with it.”
He nods slowly. “I see. You’re a coward, Emilia.”
“What?”
“You fucking heard me,” he grits out. “When things get too real, you run. You’re so scared that someone could actually care about you, that you’d have to open your heart out to someone. Running’s easier for you. It’s safer. But it also makes you a hypocrite. You preach about being open and in touch with your feelings, but you’re probably the most emotionally repressed person I know.”
“Hey,” I snap, defensive. “You don’t have to be mean about it. All I said was that we shouldn’t have had sex. If your feelings are hurt, handle it like a big boy. Don’t start attacking me.”